Anyone have any funny jokes?!
Question: Anyone have any funny jokes!?
If you have any funny jokes, type them here! 10 points to the funniest one(s)!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Okay!.!.!.!. a very hot guy told a pink haired, blonde haired, and a red haired if they climbed the stairs without laughing at the jokes he was saying that they could be his girlfriend!. The Blonde left at step 333rd!.!.!.!. red hair 666th!.!.!.!.!.!.!. and the pink haired started laughing at step #999th!. The hot guy asked her why did she laugh!.!. you were almost there!! She said I just got the 1st joke!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three guys go to a Lap dancing club to watch the strippers!. One dances in front of them and turns her back!. Guy Number One takes a ten out of his wallet, licks it and sticks it on her right cheek!. Guy Number two tales out a twenty, licks it and sticks it on her left cheek!. Guy Number three takes out his credit card, slides it between her cheeks and withdraws thirty!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A couple had only been married 2 weeks and the
husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out
on the town
and party with his old buddies!.
So, he said to his new
wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back!.'
'Where are you going, Coochy
Coo!?' asked the wife!.
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face, to have a
beer!.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love!?' She opened the
door to the fridge displaying 25 different kinds of beer,
brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc!.
The
husband didn't know what to do; all he could think to say
was, 'Yes,
Lollipop !.!.!. but at the bar !.!.!.you know!.!.!.they have frozen
glasses'
'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face!?' She took a huge
beer mug out of the freezer to hand him!.
The husband,
looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have
those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious !.!.!.!.!.I won't
be long, I
promise!. OK!?'
'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh!?' She
opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors
d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little
quiches!.
'But my sweet honey!.!.!.at the bar!.!.!.you know
there's swearing, dirty words and all that!.!.!.'
'You want
dirty words, Cutie Pie!? LISTEN UP CHICKEN ***! SIT YOUR ***
DOWN, SHUT
THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR
HORS
D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED *** ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNE D BAR! THAT ****
IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS!?'
And !. !. !. they lived happily ever
after!.
Isn't that a sweet
story!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out
on the town
and party with his old buddies!.
So, he said to his new
wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back!.'
'Where are you going, Coochy
Coo!?' asked the wife!.
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face, to have a
beer!.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love!?' She opened the
door to the fridge displaying 25 different kinds of beer,
brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc!.
The
husband didn't know what to do; all he could think to say
was, 'Yes,
Lollipop !.!.!. but at the bar !.!.!.you know!.!.!.they have frozen
glasses'
'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face!?' She took a huge
beer mug out of the freezer to hand him!.
The husband,
looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have
those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious !.!.!.!.!.I won't
be long, I
promise!. OK!?'
'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh!?' She
opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors
d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little
quiches!.
'But my sweet honey!.!.!.at the bar!.!.!.you know
there's swearing, dirty words and all that!.!.!.'
'You want
dirty words, Cutie Pie!? LISTEN UP CHICKEN ***! SIT YOUR ***
DOWN, SHUT
THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR
HORS
D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED *** ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNE D BAR! THAT ****
IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS!?'
And !. !. !. they lived happily ever
after!.
Isn't that a sweet
story!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
If quizzess are quizzicals, then what are tests!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
say this out loud: fuh QWww@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box
this blonde ladys friend was somewhat injured and needed to go to the hospital for medical attention!.So she eventually got her to the emrgency!.So the nurse at the er asked her why didnt she just cal "911"!? The blonde lady said"well i couldnt find the "11" button!."
two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour!. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box
this blonde ladys friend was somewhat injured and needed to go to the hospital for medical attention!.So she eventually got her to the emrgency!.So the nurse at the er asked her why didnt she just cal "911"!? The blonde lady said"well i couldnt find the "11" button!."
two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour!. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com