Tell me the Best 2 jokes ever heard by you?!
Question: Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children...and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later...and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, "At last...they're finally together." A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"
"No," the priest says politely, "I mean her LEGS."
One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling". One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend for remodeling!"
The one nun said, "Well, we're dead and we can't go back." "Alright," said St. Peter. "What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you wish to be and then we'll accept you back into Heaven," exclaimed St. Peter as he looks at the first nun.
"Okay, who do you want to be?" he asks the nun. "Well, I thought her life was very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan of Arc." Poof!
The first nun becomes Joan of Arc. "Okay, You're next," as her looks at the second nun, "Who do you want to be?" "! ! Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death, so I want to become Marilyn Monroe," pronounces the second nun. Poof!
The second nun becomes Marilyn Monroe. "Okay, who do you want to be?" St. Peter says to the third nun. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean." "Excuse me?!?" confusingly asks St. Peter. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean!" exclaims the nun. St. Peter replies, "Pardon me Sister, we have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth," explains St. Peter.
"There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!!!" shouts the nun. St. Peter takes the news article and reads it. "Oh my, Sister. You have misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500 men in six months."
Answers: Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children...and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later...and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, "At last...they're finally together." A man standing next to him asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?"
"No," the priest says politely, "I mean her LEGS."
One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling". One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend for remodeling!"
The one nun said, "Well, we're dead and we can't go back." "Alright," said St. Peter. "What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you wish to be and then we'll accept you back into Heaven," exclaimed St. Peter as he looks at the first nun.
"Okay, who do you want to be?" he asks the nun. "Well, I thought her life was very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan of Arc." Poof!
The first nun becomes Joan of Arc. "Okay, You're next," as her looks at the second nun, "Who do you want to be?" "! ! Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death, so I want to become Marilyn Monroe," pronounces the second nun. Poof!
The second nun becomes Marilyn Monroe. "Okay, who do you want to be?" St. Peter says to the third nun. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean." "Excuse me?!?" confusingly asks St. Peter. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean!" exclaims the nun. St. Peter replies, "Pardon me Sister, we have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth," explains St. Peter.
"There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!!!" shouts the nun. St. Peter takes the news article and reads it. "Oh my, Sister. You have misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500 men in six months."
1. There was a live musical concert, where usher was singing and dancing on the stage and as the stage was lighted up he pull off his shirt and threw it to the crowd, it was being rushed buy every one cos they want to have or touch his shirt.
But when it is the turn of femi kuti an afrikan musician to entertain, immediately he mounts the stage and started singing, at a point when the stage lighted up he also pulled his shirt and throw it to the audience, instead of rushing to have it like in the case of usher people were dodging it instead, shouting that he should come down and pick his ECZEMA. isnt it funny?
2.A guy was on a car ride on a cool evening with his girl friend, he was playing a casset in the car and its the speaker twitters that where sounding more, they now were held by traffic jam and immediately there came another guy with a jeep prado with a very high sounding compact disk playing a very nice music, his overshadows theirs and immediately his girl friend started dancing to the tune of the guys music, after a shortwhile the music ends and another track started, the girl then asked the guy to stop that track that was playing and replay the previous one for her, her guy got furiated and sent her off his car for not regarding him, she immediately jumps down his car and immediately mounts the jeep.
hahahahahahahahaha some1 call ambulance i m dying here i just read the last answer with nun.......
2 best jokes ok
no 1
theres a man who is weel endowed (mean he has a large manhood) in fact it was 25inches beacause of the no woman would sleep with him so he goes to see a doctor who tells him to see a witch the witch tells him to go into the forest and find a magic frog by a pond ask the frog if he will marry you and every time he says no it will shrink by 5inches
so the man goes out to the forest and see's the frog thinkng what the hey he ask the frog to marry him the frog says no amazingly it shrinks down to 20inches he then asks the frog to marry him and again the frog says no his manhood shrinks down to 15 nches still thinking still just a bit to big and he'd settle for 10 the man man asks the frog again
the frog angryly replied how many times NO NO NO!!!!
no2
a wife is having an afair with a man when she hears her son saying her husbands back quickly she throws both the boy and the man in the wardrobe while in the wardrobe the boy says 'sure is dark wanna buy a baseball?' the man replys no the boy say'i think you'll find you do' the man reply how much '25 pound says the boy' the man replys '25 pounds' then think of his predicement and agrees and give the boy 25 quid
next day the same thing happens
sure is dark in here says the boy wanna buy a baseball the man sighs how much he says
50 quid the boy says
the man reaches for his wllet and give the boy 50 quid
the next day the boys father asks if he want to play baseball
the boy replyies iv sold them
the dad expecting it to be for sweets or lizards says how much
75 pounds says the boy
75 pounds that is theiving you must go to church and confess your sins
the boy go'es to one of the cubicles sits down and says to himself sure is dark in here a vioce is heard
dont start that in here you little s**t