Does my writing give you chills?!
Question: Does my writing give you chills!?
Okay, here's some writing i just wrote!. Tell me what you think:
On the streets, love is hard to see!.
It happened in the heart and soul of the Bronx!. It started on a cold Saturday afternoon!. It started with him!.
His name plays over and over again like a broken record player in my mind!. To me, his name is like a song!. When I hear it, I get the warmest rush fill my stomach!. I feel the most beautiful feeling in my heart!. The people around me know nothing!. They’re confused when I tell them “I have been through something!.” They don’t understand!. They know it could be anything!. They believe the negative---they believe that my story is all a stupid lie!.
But now was when my past seemed like it had no effect on me now!.
He was standing there!. He was!. He stood before me like a model!. His nostrils were flared!. His eyes looked at me!. Hard!. He looked serious!. He looked cold!. His hands were in the pockets of his urban looking faux fur jacket and his legs stood tall under his semi-baggy jeans!. The traffic lights reflected off of his warm green eyes and his head nodded at me!.
It was me who had stopped him from walking!. He was walking home when I caught him in the streets of New York City!. Where was I going!? I was the rebel!. I had no where to go!. No one knew where I was going!. Not even me!. But right now, all I could look at was the man that stood before me!. It was him!.
I focused on his body language!. He was stopped in his tracks, starring into my eyes, probably wondering why I had stopped him!. I remember that I yelled to him “STOP!.” And that was what stopped him!. His eyes were wide with fear!. The moon hung over us and people shuffled around us!. We just stared at each other for a long five minutes!. I shivered!. He blinked!. He put out his hand!. He shook it and then put it back in his pocket!.
We continued to stare at each other!. I reached out and I touched his cheek!. He closed his eyes!. You could tell he was feeling a rush of nervousness as he stared into my eyes!. I told him,
“Don’t be afraid!.”
He opened his mouth to say something!. But then he closed it!.
He just continued to look at me!.
“You know me!.” I told him!.
“I feel like I’ve seen you!.” he said!.
“I know you!. You know me!. It’s a long story!.”
He had this look on his face that was expressing every feeling inside of him!. He looked as if he was torn between different thoughts!. His cheeks were flushed!. He closed his eyes and the wind brushed against his face!.
He told me, “You’re Jennifer!.”
“Yeah!.” That was what I told him!. “I need to tell you a story!.”
“I love stories!.” That was what he told me!.
“This is a different story!.”
“Tell me,” he said!. “Tell me your story that you have written to me about all these years!.”
He wanted me to tell him!. He wanted me to tell him my story!. He wanted me to tell him about the pain in my soul and the tenderness that I had been feeling over him over the years!.
“Loving you is loving me!.” I told him!. “My story is a freefall!.”
“Let me join your freefall!.” He put his fist to his mouth and coughed!. That was one of his corks!. I had seen him to it countless times!.
“Please, Derek!.” I said!.
And that was when he pulled the hood over his coat and put his arms around me!. And that was how that night ended!. We were standing there!. Together!. In that city!. Deep in the ghetto!. No one knew what I had experienced!. No one had a sense of the intense feeling I was feeling at that moment!.
I nestled my face into the warmth of his shoulder!.
People roamed around the city streets!. Hip hop pounded out of the subwoofers of people’s cars!. But he and I stood there!. Together!. Our were rapped around each other, and that was all we needed!. This was where I wish I could be right now!. With him!.
On the streets, love is hard to see!. But at this moment, nothing mattered!. We just stood there!. His soft lips pressed against the collar of my trench coat!. His strong arms wrapped around my back!. I held onto him!. Tight!. I would never let go!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
On the streets, love is hard to see!.
It happened in the heart and soul of the Bronx!. It started on a cold Saturday afternoon!. It started with him!.
His name plays over and over again like a broken record player in my mind!. To me, his name is like a song!. When I hear it, I get the warmest rush fill my stomach!. I feel the most beautiful feeling in my heart!. The people around me know nothing!. They’re confused when I tell them “I have been through something!.” They don’t understand!. They know it could be anything!. They believe the negative---they believe that my story is all a stupid lie!.
But now was when my past seemed like it had no effect on me now!.
He was standing there!. He was!. He stood before me like a model!. His nostrils were flared!. His eyes looked at me!. Hard!. He looked serious!. He looked cold!. His hands were in the pockets of his urban looking faux fur jacket and his legs stood tall under his semi-baggy jeans!. The traffic lights reflected off of his warm green eyes and his head nodded at me!.
It was me who had stopped him from walking!. He was walking home when I caught him in the streets of New York City!. Where was I going!? I was the rebel!. I had no where to go!. No one knew where I was going!. Not even me!. But right now, all I could look at was the man that stood before me!. It was him!.
I focused on his body language!. He was stopped in his tracks, starring into my eyes, probably wondering why I had stopped him!. I remember that I yelled to him “STOP!.” And that was what stopped him!. His eyes were wide with fear!. The moon hung over us and people shuffled around us!. We just stared at each other for a long five minutes!. I shivered!. He blinked!. He put out his hand!. He shook it and then put it back in his pocket!.
We continued to stare at each other!. I reached out and I touched his cheek!. He closed his eyes!. You could tell he was feeling a rush of nervousness as he stared into my eyes!. I told him,
“Don’t be afraid!.”
He opened his mouth to say something!. But then he closed it!.
He just continued to look at me!.
“You know me!.” I told him!.
“I feel like I’ve seen you!.” he said!.
“I know you!. You know me!. It’s a long story!.”
He had this look on his face that was expressing every feeling inside of him!. He looked as if he was torn between different thoughts!. His cheeks were flushed!. He closed his eyes and the wind brushed against his face!.
He told me, “You’re Jennifer!.”
“Yeah!.” That was what I told him!. “I need to tell you a story!.”
“I love stories!.” That was what he told me!.
“This is a different story!.”
“Tell me,” he said!. “Tell me your story that you have written to me about all these years!.”
He wanted me to tell him!. He wanted me to tell him my story!. He wanted me to tell him about the pain in my soul and the tenderness that I had been feeling over him over the years!.
“Loving you is loving me!.” I told him!. “My story is a freefall!.”
“Let me join your freefall!.” He put his fist to his mouth and coughed!. That was one of his corks!. I had seen him to it countless times!.
“Please, Derek!.” I said!.
And that was when he pulled the hood over his coat and put his arms around me!. And that was how that night ended!. We were standing there!. Together!. In that city!. Deep in the ghetto!. No one knew what I had experienced!. No one had a sense of the intense feeling I was feeling at that moment!.
I nestled my face into the warmth of his shoulder!.
People roamed around the city streets!. Hip hop pounded out of the subwoofers of people’s cars!. But he and I stood there!. Together!. Our were rapped around each other, and that was all we needed!. This was where I wish I could be right now!. With him!.
On the streets, love is hard to see!. But at this moment, nothing mattered!. We just stood there!. His soft lips pressed against the collar of my trench coat!. His strong arms wrapped around my back!. I held onto him!. Tight!. I would never let go!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Aww,that dosen't give me chills,but it's defnitley the BEST writing about New York Iv'e ever heard!. Do you publish!?!?I really have to figure out!.
Here's my email!.
Be sure to email ANY time!.
smart_blondeh@yahoo!.com
Seriousley,get a publisherWww@Enter-QA@Com
Here's my email!.
Be sure to email ANY time!.
smart_blondeh@yahoo!.com
Seriousley,get a publisherWww@Enter-QA@Com
Oh wow!. That was really really amazing!. I felt like I was standing there witnessing everything!. I liked it =]Www@Enter-QA@Com
Oh I could just turn the page, I want more!.!.!.!.write a book
you have a gift!!!
Bravo , well doneWww@Enter-QA@Com
you have a gift!!!
Bravo , well doneWww@Enter-QA@Com
Not chills!. But i don't get chills when reading!. But it's pretty good writing!. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Terrible" springs to mind, like a cat with a stick in it's asss!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
nope!. sorryWww@Enter-QA@Com
Yes the type of chills right before you feel sick, kind of sappy!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
i actually liked it!.
its kind of different!.
but i get the pointWww@Enter-QA@Com
its kind of different!.
but i get the pointWww@Enter-QA@Com
one word:wowWww@Enter-QA@Com
that was really good!Www@Enter-QA@Com
i like it its diff but have a edgeWww@Enter-QA@Com
No chills !.!.!. just some light nausea!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
very nice!.
you reached deep emotion with simple words!.
way to go!Www@Enter-QA@Com
you reached deep emotion with simple words!.
way to go!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Not so good!.!.!. to much, "i said, then he did and they don’t!.!.!.!."
Doesn’t flow well!.!.!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Doesn’t flow well!.!.!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
i loved it :]]]!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
That was EXTREMELY well-written!. I really like how you're very descriptive, when you describe him!. =D Especially his green eyes!. The only thing that I think you should change is the sentence " Deep in the ghetto!." I think it's a little unnecessary but otherwise it's amazing, and I mean it!. =DWww@Enter-QA@Com
It is very good!.!. Sorry NO Chills I do have a little Criticism for you
ONLY to help you out
Your passage : " His name plays over and over again like a broken record player in my mind" It should just say " His name plays over and over again like a broken record in my mind"
Passage " When I hear it I get the warmest rush fill my stomach!.
Should be " I get the warmest rush filling my stomach"
Passage " It was one of is corks" it is actually quirks
Passage " But he and I stood there Together Our were rapped around each other" You forgot a word and you used the word rapped instead of wrapped!.
Watch the wording and the spelling and you can actually get this publishedWww@Enter-QA@Com
ONLY to help you out
Your passage : " His name plays over and over again like a broken record player in my mind" It should just say " His name plays over and over again like a broken record in my mind"
Passage " When I hear it I get the warmest rush fill my stomach!.
Should be " I get the warmest rush filling my stomach"
Passage " It was one of is corks" it is actually quirks
Passage " But he and I stood there Together Our were rapped around each other" You forgot a word and you used the word rapped instead of wrapped!.
Watch the wording and the spelling and you can actually get this publishedWww@Enter-QA@Com
the fact that I read the whole thing means I like it!. I appreciate the way in which you wrote this; it's sorta unique and not something I see everyday!. keep it up; and is it taken from personal experience!? nice jobWww@Enter-QA@Com
First off, let me say this: I tell the truth!. Vulgarly!. And you can find me around here trying my hardest to hate on people while still within the community guidelines!.
But that is some brilliant work right there!.
I write too (not like that, though), so feel free to email me if you want!. I allow it in my profile!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
But that is some brilliant work right there!.
I write too (not like that, though), so feel free to email me if you want!. I allow it in my profile!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
not really much, i liked that!! i like those type of story's!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
boringWww@Enter-QA@Com
NoWww@Enter-QA@Com
noWww@Enter-QA@Com