How can I learn to let my emotions out, and not keep everything bottled up insid!
Question: How can I learn to let my emotions out, and not keep everything bottled up inside!?
I have a real problem with speaking my mind, or letting any negative emotions show; I just keep everything bottled up inside, and never let anything out!. My motto has always been, "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything"!. I have lived by this motto from day one!.
I don't think I have ever uttered a single unpleasant thing in my entire life; I have always had nothing but cheer and sunshine for my friends, family members, partners, and associates!. I only know how to smile, never to frown!. I have always managed to keep up a buoyant personality, even when I have felt low!. Everyone constantly uses the same word to describe me: perky
This has made me pleasant to be around, but keeping all of the unsaid things inside for all these years is taking its toll!. I wish sometimes I could be assertive and tell someone if they have upset me!. Just once in my life, it would be good to let my guard down enough to utter a single profanity; I think it would be a relief!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I don't think I have ever uttered a single unpleasant thing in my entire life; I have always had nothing but cheer and sunshine for my friends, family members, partners, and associates!. I only know how to smile, never to frown!. I have always managed to keep up a buoyant personality, even when I have felt low!. Everyone constantly uses the same word to describe me: perky
This has made me pleasant to be around, but keeping all of the unsaid things inside for all these years is taking its toll!. I wish sometimes I could be assertive and tell someone if they have upset me!. Just once in my life, it would be good to let my guard down enough to utter a single profanity; I think it would be a relief!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
I often worry about your meekness, Jack!. Please, stop thinking of others so much!. Every day look in the mirror and say "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better, and gosh darn it, I LIKE me!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Who ever said 'anger' was/is a negative emotion!.!.!.!. you have it for a reason brother, just like every other emotion you have!.
Here's the order they come in;
serenity
enthusiasm
conservatism
boredom
antagonism
anger
covert hostility
fear
grief
apathy!.
give someone a fright & you'll see the order in which one drops down & how they rise back up the same order!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Here's the order they come in;
serenity
enthusiasm
conservatism
boredom
antagonism
anger
covert hostility
fear
grief
apathy!.
give someone a fright & you'll see the order in which one drops down & how they rise back up the same order!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I have no answer to this question, but if you find one I would love to know!. You just described me to a T!. However once in a while my frustration level boils over and I go ballistic!.
See now I am the opposite of you, I have absolutely no problem expressing anger, it is t he one emotion I tend to express too much!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
See now I am the opposite of you, I have absolutely no problem expressing anger, it is t he one emotion I tend to express too much!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Jack, do you think you'll be relieved to swear at someone or just to swear in front of someone!?
I think I may see what your saying that perhaps you are trying to maintain an image of the Jack that people have come to know!. I can imagine how that would be a burden and I hope that you will be relieved from this stress in your life Jack!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I think I may see what your saying that perhaps you are trying to maintain an image of the Jack that people have come to know!. I can imagine how that would be a burden and I hope that you will be relieved from this stress in your life Jack!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Robinson Caruso!.!.!.didn't he also have a bottle of some sort!? Maybe you just need a long vacation, sweetcakes!. You know, an empty beach, virgin waters, a stingray with your name on it!.!.!.oops, that kind of slipped out!. Krickey!
Well, what's a vacation without a bit of excitement!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Well, what's a vacation without a bit of excitement!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Boxing is excellent for releasing pent up frustrations!. I don't know which is worse!. Bottling it all up or letting it run its course!. I used to hold it in!. Now, lol!. Now, I am a screaming lunatic if someone performs an injustice toward me!. I don't take sh!t no more!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Do I sense a little sarcasm!? ;o)
For the sake of the others who want suggestions, and for you on the off-chance that you're serious - I'll post some resources for this very thing!.
Please hold, while I locate them!.!.!.!.!.!.
Alright, this is not a comprehensive list by any means, but still good ideas!.
Counseling is an excellent idea, but there are other things you can try along with that!. Check out FlyLady!.net http://www!.flylady!.net/pages/WhyFly!.asp I know it looks like it's about cleaning, but really it's about attitude adjustment!. And we all need that from time to time!.
This site is specifically about anger: http://members!.aol!.com/AngriesOut/index!.!.!.!.
If someone can't/won't express anger it's usually because they perceive that it endangers their sense of self or their relationships with others!. Sometimes we've learned through painful experience that people withdraw or disolve relationships with us if we express emotions they're unhappy with!. This usually stems from early abuse and trust issues!.
If (ahem) alcoholism or substance abuse is part of the childhood dysfunction, support groups like AlAnon or CoDA maybe really helpful!. We are hurt in relationships, and we heal in relationships!. Often, those who are afraid to be angry or set boundaries with others really need a support group (in addition to personal counseling) to set limits in the important relationships in their lives, as emotional blackmail (from the other party) tends to escalate!.
A 5-part "love letter" may help, as well!.
The love letter concept: for every situation that bothers you, you go through five steps to heal it!.
Express:
Anger
Hurt or sadness
Fear
Regret
Love
This is how it breaks down:
Anger: When you start the letter, start with anger!. What are you angry about!? Get it all out - everything! Especially the things you are afraid to say or feel!. This is not a letter that anyone else needs to see, it's just you giving a voice to your anger!. If you can't change what you can't acknowledge, you can't process anger that you won't let yourself admit you feel!. Don't sensor yourself!. Don't try to make it perfect or grammatically correct!. Your high school English teacher will not grade it!. Just get it out!.
Hurt or sadness: Once you have exhausted anger, think about your sadness!. What do you feel hurt about!? Again, don't sensor it, just get it out on paper!. If you find yourself feeling or writing about angry feelings at this stage, go back to the anger section and exhaust it!. Then go back to your hurt feelings and finish them!. Hurt lies beneath anger!. Anger turned inward is depression!. It's the sadness that is not safe to express!. Your love letter is the safe place to give it a voice!.
Fear: What are you afraid of!? What are you afraid will happen!? What are you afraid to do!? What consequences do you fear!? What insecurities do you feel!? Do you feel paralyzed!?
Regret: Regret can, but doesn't have to, include repentance!. Do you bear some responsibility in things being the way they are!? Even if the other person is absolutely wrong, have you contributed in any way to things being strained!? Have you contaminated the relationship in any way!? Do you have a log in your own eye that needs to be dealt with!? Have you reacted to your angry/hurt/fearful feelings in a way that you are unhappy with or ashamed of!? Have you let your reactions to someone else turn you into someone you don't want to be!? (Hatred is burning down your own house to kill a rat!.) Even if you bear absolutely no responsibility for the way things are, or for the issue you're having trouble with, what do you regret or feel sorry for!? Can you find sorrow for whatever it is in the other person's life that would cause them to do what they've done!? Are there specific actions or words that were said that you feel sorrowful about!? Can you appreciate the sorrow that God must feel because of the effects of sin in the world!?
Love: The idea behind this section is that love is at the bottom of everything we do!. We have pitiful, awkward attempts at it sometimes, but no matter how mean or misguided someone is, what they want is love!. Love is behind everything!. God is love and God created everything!. The problem is that sin fractured love, and we live with the effects of love that has been broken and needs to be healed!. Our love for and obedience to God is the only thing that helps us to repair love, and give better love to those around us!. They may not be able to receive it, but that doesn't have to discourage our ability to be loving as God is loving!.
After you finish your love letter, it's time to take action!. Dr!. Phil talks about Minimal Effective Response!. What is the least thing you can do to resolve things!? You may feel like quitting your job, but that's pretty drastic!. Is there something else you could do that is smaller with less potential consequences, but would accomplish resolution for you!? Could you remind yourself that you work for God!? Or that your work is a reflection of your character rather than of what someone else deserves!? You may feel like telling your boss that his opinion doesn't matter because God is your boss, but it would probably be best to just think that instead!. If just thinking that is enough to resolve your frustration at work, that would be your minimal effective response!. If knowing that you have God's approval is great, but your problem at work is that you believe your boss is stealing from the company and you're afraid of your reputation being tarnished by his behavior, that's probably not going to be enough!.
In some instances, writing the letter may be enough!. In which case, you burn the letter!. Release it and let it go to God!.
In some cases, you may feel that the other party needs to be told what the problem is!. In which case, you write a new letter!. Your new letter should detail the problem from your perspective - keeping in mind that your goal is to bring the two of you together!. You want to get what you need while getting the other person as much of what they need as you can!. (Boundaries Face To Face by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a good resource for approaching difficult subjects with people!. http://www!.amazon!.com/gp/reader/03102215!.!.!.
Some people are simply too competitive and adversarial for that!. Or they don't comprehend the problem, no matter how you explain it because they are easily threatened!. Sometimes you cannot resolve things in the present!. That doesn't mean you have to give up on things ever being resolved, it just means that you may have to accept that the other person is not ready yet!. Acceptance is very close to forgiveness!. It doesn't mean you like the way things turn out, it just means you understand the reality of things and agree to operate within that knowledge!. Pray for God to bring both of you close to Him, first, and closer to each other!. Pray for strength to deal with the disappointment, grief, and loss you feel!. Pray for comfort!.
You can use this concept with smaller things, as well!. If you're nearly run down by a reckless driver:
Anger: Where did he/she learn to drive!?
Hurt or Sadness: He/She showed total disregard for my safety!.
Fear: I or someone I love could have been seriously hurt!.
Regret: I wish that we weren't all under so much pressure to hurry all the time!.
Love and forgiveness: Maybe there is a crisis prompting the reckless person's behavior!. I hope he/she gets where he/she is going safely!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
For the sake of the others who want suggestions, and for you on the off-chance that you're serious - I'll post some resources for this very thing!.
Please hold, while I locate them!.!.!.!.!.!.
Alright, this is not a comprehensive list by any means, but still good ideas!.
Counseling is an excellent idea, but there are other things you can try along with that!. Check out FlyLady!.net http://www!.flylady!.net/pages/WhyFly!.asp I know it looks like it's about cleaning, but really it's about attitude adjustment!. And we all need that from time to time!.
This site is specifically about anger: http://members!.aol!.com/AngriesOut/index!.!.!.!.
If someone can't/won't express anger it's usually because they perceive that it endangers their sense of self or their relationships with others!. Sometimes we've learned through painful experience that people withdraw or disolve relationships with us if we express emotions they're unhappy with!. This usually stems from early abuse and trust issues!.
If (ahem) alcoholism or substance abuse is part of the childhood dysfunction, support groups like AlAnon or CoDA maybe really helpful!. We are hurt in relationships, and we heal in relationships!. Often, those who are afraid to be angry or set boundaries with others really need a support group (in addition to personal counseling) to set limits in the important relationships in their lives, as emotional blackmail (from the other party) tends to escalate!.
A 5-part "love letter" may help, as well!.
The love letter concept: for every situation that bothers you, you go through five steps to heal it!.
Express:
Anger
Hurt or sadness
Fear
Regret
Love
This is how it breaks down:
Anger: When you start the letter, start with anger!. What are you angry about!? Get it all out - everything! Especially the things you are afraid to say or feel!. This is not a letter that anyone else needs to see, it's just you giving a voice to your anger!. If you can't change what you can't acknowledge, you can't process anger that you won't let yourself admit you feel!. Don't sensor yourself!. Don't try to make it perfect or grammatically correct!. Your high school English teacher will not grade it!. Just get it out!.
Hurt or sadness: Once you have exhausted anger, think about your sadness!. What do you feel hurt about!? Again, don't sensor it, just get it out on paper!. If you find yourself feeling or writing about angry feelings at this stage, go back to the anger section and exhaust it!. Then go back to your hurt feelings and finish them!. Hurt lies beneath anger!. Anger turned inward is depression!. It's the sadness that is not safe to express!. Your love letter is the safe place to give it a voice!.
Fear: What are you afraid of!? What are you afraid will happen!? What are you afraid to do!? What consequences do you fear!? What insecurities do you feel!? Do you feel paralyzed!?
Regret: Regret can, but doesn't have to, include repentance!. Do you bear some responsibility in things being the way they are!? Even if the other person is absolutely wrong, have you contributed in any way to things being strained!? Have you contaminated the relationship in any way!? Do you have a log in your own eye that needs to be dealt with!? Have you reacted to your angry/hurt/fearful feelings in a way that you are unhappy with or ashamed of!? Have you let your reactions to someone else turn you into someone you don't want to be!? (Hatred is burning down your own house to kill a rat!.) Even if you bear absolutely no responsibility for the way things are, or for the issue you're having trouble with, what do you regret or feel sorry for!? Can you find sorrow for whatever it is in the other person's life that would cause them to do what they've done!? Are there specific actions or words that were said that you feel sorrowful about!? Can you appreciate the sorrow that God must feel because of the effects of sin in the world!?
Love: The idea behind this section is that love is at the bottom of everything we do!. We have pitiful, awkward attempts at it sometimes, but no matter how mean or misguided someone is, what they want is love!. Love is behind everything!. God is love and God created everything!. The problem is that sin fractured love, and we live with the effects of love that has been broken and needs to be healed!. Our love for and obedience to God is the only thing that helps us to repair love, and give better love to those around us!. They may not be able to receive it, but that doesn't have to discourage our ability to be loving as God is loving!.
After you finish your love letter, it's time to take action!. Dr!. Phil talks about Minimal Effective Response!. What is the least thing you can do to resolve things!? You may feel like quitting your job, but that's pretty drastic!. Is there something else you could do that is smaller with less potential consequences, but would accomplish resolution for you!? Could you remind yourself that you work for God!? Or that your work is a reflection of your character rather than of what someone else deserves!? You may feel like telling your boss that his opinion doesn't matter because God is your boss, but it would probably be best to just think that instead!. If just thinking that is enough to resolve your frustration at work, that would be your minimal effective response!. If knowing that you have God's approval is great, but your problem at work is that you believe your boss is stealing from the company and you're afraid of your reputation being tarnished by his behavior, that's probably not going to be enough!.
In some instances, writing the letter may be enough!. In which case, you burn the letter!. Release it and let it go to God!.
In some cases, you may feel that the other party needs to be told what the problem is!. In which case, you write a new letter!. Your new letter should detail the problem from your perspective - keeping in mind that your goal is to bring the two of you together!. You want to get what you need while getting the other person as much of what they need as you can!. (Boundaries Face To Face by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a good resource for approaching difficult subjects with people!. http://www!.amazon!.com/gp/reader/03102215!.!.!.
Some people are simply too competitive and adversarial for that!. Or they don't comprehend the problem, no matter how you explain it because they are easily threatened!. Sometimes you cannot resolve things in the present!. That doesn't mean you have to give up on things ever being resolved, it just means that you may have to accept that the other person is not ready yet!. Acceptance is very close to forgiveness!. It doesn't mean you like the way things turn out, it just means you understand the reality of things and agree to operate within that knowledge!. Pray for God to bring both of you close to Him, first, and closer to each other!. Pray for strength to deal with the disappointment, grief, and loss you feel!. Pray for comfort!.
You can use this concept with smaller things, as well!. If you're nearly run down by a reckless driver:
Anger: Where did he/she learn to drive!?
Hurt or Sadness: He/She showed total disregard for my safety!.
Fear: I or someone I love could have been seriously hurt!.
Regret: I wish that we weren't all under so much pressure to hurry all the time!.
Love and forgiveness: Maybe there is a crisis prompting the reckless person's behavior!. I hope he/she gets where he/she is going safely!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
wtf! don't piss me off! you buttmunch or i'll cut you!!
see was that so hard!? now as therapy i want you to repeat what i just typed, shout it at a love one 3 times a day or until you make them cry!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
see was that so hard!? now as therapy i want you to repeat what i just typed, shout it at a love one 3 times a day or until you make them cry!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
jack, is that you!? lol!. you sound like me, but i think it's you!. brilliant!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Fight it out!. Pound something!. It may seem violent, but it works really well!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Someone has cloned my friend Jack!. That's just not funny whoever you are~ *chant after me* "By the power of Christ we compel you!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
hahaha!.!.!.lol i started laughing as i was reading!.
i think that your girlfriend hit you too hard with the refrigerator door!.!.!.lol
((jack))Www@Enter-QA@Com
i think that your girlfriend hit you too hard with the refrigerator door!.!.!.lol
((jack))Www@Enter-QA@Com
Jack, hello!? Where are you!? Jack!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
!.!.!.!. Jack is a sweet and innocent boy!Www@Enter-QA@Com
I really wish i could help you but I'm gonna watch this for answers I think I could benefit too!. xxxWww@Enter-QA@Com
LET IT OUT!
Just face your fear, and say what you need to say!. The first several times will be the hardest!. Do it anyway!. Take a deep breath, and know your heart will race like crazy!. Ignore the blood rush to the face, say it like you deserve to be heard, because you DO!
Don't let it take MORE of a "toll" on you!. This is a situation that needs to be addressed, so don't ignore it! You CAN learn to be more assertive!. If you are interested, I have posted a link to some books that may be of help!.
Good night from Kansas!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Just face your fear, and say what you need to say!. The first several times will be the hardest!. Do it anyway!. Take a deep breath, and know your heart will race like crazy!. Ignore the blood rush to the face, say it like you deserve to be heard, because you DO!
Don't let it take MORE of a "toll" on you!. This is a situation that needs to be addressed, so don't ignore it! You CAN learn to be more assertive!. If you are interested, I have posted a link to some books that may be of help!.
Good night from Kansas!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
There is nothing wrong with keeping your emotions bottled up, that's how lots of people are!. Everyone has their own personality and what comes out nautually is how you are, the true you!. Frustration is relieved by crying, believe me on this one!. When you go to bed at night and think about how you are and how you want to be, that's when you let it out, it really helps!. Though it stuffs up your sinuses and you can't breathe for a while, eh, you get over that!.
Of course you could drown it, if you know what I mean, which seems what you already do!. There are other ways, like talking to someone!. Instant message someone, there are those who will listen without judgement!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Of course you could drown it, if you know what I mean, which seems what you already do!. There are other ways, like talking to someone!. Instant message someone, there are those who will listen without judgement!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Jack, nice guys are great friends!. ******* are a dime a dozen!. If you really want to learn to express your anger, try practicing in a mirror!. You have to first get used to the idea of letting those things out, so you may want to modify your motto!. Mine is "speak softly, but carry a big stick!." You may want to find something along those lines!. also, never rule out the power of sarcasm and genuine disinterest!. A well place bard or sharply pointed criticism said in euphemisms goes a long way to letting your true feelings be known without getting yourself overly upset!. But most of all, you have to become at peace with yourself and your feelings!. Know that it's okay to feel what ever it is you are feeling, and that it's alright to express it!. I don't know what kind of physical shape you're in, but when I'm angry and have nothing better to do I head over to the gym and work it off, and if that doesn't work I head over to the nearest redneck bar, have a couple of cold ones and wait for the first idiot to say something about my skin color!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I hope that I do not offend you or are being overly critical but this is my opinion!.
Let me guess, over the years you have been the go to person when someone has a problem!. Knowing that they have your time and your ear!. Thinking that all the negative things in life seem to roll off of you, and that nothing ever bothers you!. They want some of that magic you seem to project on a daily basis!. They almost never ask how you are or when they do, you water down what is really bothering or upsetting down because you know that is not what they want to hear from you!. Part of that is self created, I should know because I do the same thing!. Everyone thinks that the jovial attitude I display is how I am all the time!. Little do they know that I have problems just as they do, the problem is , no one wants to hear about it from me!.
So what to do!.
One of the things I do is channel all that frustration into an intense physical activity!. For me, I love to go swimming,doing lap after lap!. I drown everything out for 45 minutes and just swim!. What ever it is, I think that it is best that it be a solitary activity so that you can focus on yourself!.
There is always the option of talking to a therapist, but my instincts tell me that this is not an option for you just as it is not an option for me!.
This may sound corny but being here is also a good outlet for what you are going through!. Not only do you get to remain anonymous but you get the advice of others who are experiencing what you are!. As you can see, all us responders to your question know and understand your plight!. This option may not solve it all but it sure doesn't hurt either as I am learning from being here for a while!.
I think though that you really should look at all your friends/family and find someone who you trust enough to share these concerns about yourself with!. It may take a lot on your part but I think that the effort will pay substantial dividends in the end!. I think that this is the best course of action because it gives you a chance to let at least one person who normally relies on you know that you need them just as much, for some of the same reasons!.
What ever you decide to do, please do something!. All these bottled up emotions you have can make you sick, both metally and physically!. That would just compound your situation in negative way!. Good Luck on what ever it is you decide to do!.
I hope that I was able to help a little if at all, Take Care!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Let me guess, over the years you have been the go to person when someone has a problem!. Knowing that they have your time and your ear!. Thinking that all the negative things in life seem to roll off of you, and that nothing ever bothers you!. They want some of that magic you seem to project on a daily basis!. They almost never ask how you are or when they do, you water down what is really bothering or upsetting down because you know that is not what they want to hear from you!. Part of that is self created, I should know because I do the same thing!. Everyone thinks that the jovial attitude I display is how I am all the time!. Little do they know that I have problems just as they do, the problem is , no one wants to hear about it from me!.
So what to do!.
One of the things I do is channel all that frustration into an intense physical activity!. For me, I love to go swimming,doing lap after lap!. I drown everything out for 45 minutes and just swim!. What ever it is, I think that it is best that it be a solitary activity so that you can focus on yourself!.
There is always the option of talking to a therapist, but my instincts tell me that this is not an option for you just as it is not an option for me!.
This may sound corny but being here is also a good outlet for what you are going through!. Not only do you get to remain anonymous but you get the advice of others who are experiencing what you are!. As you can see, all us responders to your question know and understand your plight!. This option may not solve it all but it sure doesn't hurt either as I am learning from being here for a while!.
I think though that you really should look at all your friends/family and find someone who you trust enough to share these concerns about yourself with!. It may take a lot on your part but I think that the effort will pay substantial dividends in the end!. I think that this is the best course of action because it gives you a chance to let at least one person who normally relies on you know that you need them just as much, for some of the same reasons!.
What ever you decide to do, please do something!. All these bottled up emotions you have can make you sick, both metally and physically!. That would just compound your situation in negative way!. Good Luck on what ever it is you decide to do!.
I hope that I was able to help a little if at all, Take Care!.Www@Enter-QA@Com