Do you like this story? I know it's not very good...?!
Question: Do you like this story!? I know it's not very good!.!.!.!?
Love Struck
One day at a football game, my friend Jen and I were crushing on a couple football stars!. We are just like "Oh my goodness! He is SO cute!!" Jen said, "He is such an angel!" She was drooling over him and it was like she was hypnotized!!! I knew that she would be upset when she finds out he has a girlfriend!. All the sudden, he came out with his girlfriend!. I looked at Jen, and her smile soon turned into a frown and she started to run!. I felt so angry about that, she really liked him, and she day dreamed about him every day!. I soon realized that he was actually cheating on her!!! I thought that she was going to die!. I soon ran after her and saw her at the park with her sunglasses on, in her favorite tree crying!. When I found her, I was comforting her, saying that it would be alright, and she could get a new boyfriend!. I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, and that he was such a nerd anyway!. I tried to convince her that he was mean and that he doesn’t deserve a girl like her!. She believed me after a while, and she said, "I just really liked him!. I spent days laughing with him and talking on the phone!. I had my first kiss with him!'' she blushed!. I said "You kissed him!!?!!?! I didn’t know you ever had your very first kiss! What was it like!?'' "Well," she said, "it was during a football game!. He went to come sit with me in the front row during a time out!. He cared more about me than listening to the coach!. He came over to me and said, 'I love you and I don’t want to be with anyone else!.' and then we kissed!! It was so romantic!.!.!.'' I couldn’t understand her anymore because she started to cry!. I could barely understand her saying '' I miss him so much'' by now, she just hugged me saying, "He was the best guy there ever was!. I loved him more than anyone else!!!!! And I thought he loved me too! He is a liar!.'' “I know, and I hate him for it!. I just think you should move on and forget about him!. He is stupid!. He doesn’t deserve you, Jen! He just doesn’t!!!” Jen said, “Do you know who was with him!?” I knew who was with him, but I knew it would make her cry more!. Instead I just changed the subject!. ‘’How about you come over to my house tonight!? I know it would be a tough night all by yourself!. If you want, we can invite Katie and Lora too!. I am sure it would be no problem!.” Jen was quiet for a few minutes, I think she was just sinking it all in!. Soon she said, “That would be fine!. But I would rather it just be you and me!. I really don’t want anyone else seeing me like this!. That’s why I am up here in this tree with my sunglasses on!.” “Ok, that will be fine!. How about we go to your house and tell your parents what’s up, and then if you want, we can go shopping!. I have been saving up my allowance for weeks!.” Jen wiped away her tears and then smiled!. “You rock!!!!! That will be fun!!! I have been saving up too!. Let’s stick with your plan!. Just don’t tell anyone about what happened today!. Ok!?” “Talk about what!?” We started to laugh!. There was my old Jen again!. On our way to her house, we were talking about everything that we always do!. But then a question popped up in my head!. I just blurted out on accident, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out!?” Jen tried to change the subject, but I wouldn’t let her!. She just said, “Because I didn’t really think we would keep on going out!. I thought it would just be one day, but I was wrong, it was a whole month!. I didn’t want to get you all excited that I had a boyfriend, until I knew it was the right time!. Last night was when we had our kiss!. I was going to tell you today, but…” Her voice trailed off!. I knew I shouldn’t have asked her!. “Sorry, Jen, I spoke without thinking!.” “That’s okay, if it was me, I would have done the same thing!” So we kept on walking, and when we got to Jen’s house, she ran in, got her stuff and we left!. We were on the way to my house, when we met the guy that cheated on Jen!. He was out walking with his girlfriend!. Jen said, “Hey Duke, who is that!?” She acted as if she never knew anything!. Jen just wanted to see his reaction!. “Uh, hi Jen, this is my cousin, yeah, this is my cousin, Tara!.” “Oh, really!? I guess she doesn’t come around often!. I have never seen her before!. Nice to meet you Tara!. Well, I got to go!. Bye my love bug!!!” Secretly, I gave Jen a high-five as we started back to my place!. We heard Tara yelling in back of us, “WHO IN THE WORLD WAS THAT!?!!?!!?!!? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME DUKE!?!!?! THAT’S IT, IT’S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!” Tara walked away very mad!. We walked over to Duke, with his mouth hanging wide open!. He struggled to say what he wanted to say!. He finally managed to find his words, and said, “Uh, Jen, hi my little love bug!! Want to go see a movie!?” I was just wondering what Jen was going to say, if she would say anything!. “Rachael, can you leave us alone for a few minutes!?” she said!. “Sure, I will meet you at my house!. See ya, Duke!.” On my way back home, I was wondering how Duke had gotten into this mess!. I also wondered what Jen was going to tell him!. When I got home, I asked my mom if Jen could stay over!. She said it was okay!. So I went to my room, and got my money, and then went back out onto the porch, and saw Jen sitting there, and to my surprise, she wasn’t crying!. When she saw me she started to laugh!. I was confused!. Why was she laughing!? I had to find out!. “Jen, what did you do to Duke!?” Jen said, “Let’s walk and I’ll talk!.” On our way to the mall, she told me the whole story!. She told Duke that he was stupid and that he should have learned from today!. She said that he told her that he knew, and he asked her if they were still going out!. Jen said, “Well, I said, ‘YOU THINK I WOULD GO OUT WITH YOU AGAIN!? GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GET DUMPED TWICE IN ONE DAY!. GOOD GOING DUDE!!’ It was just hilarious seeing his reaction!. Then he said, ‘Yeah, I know!. But I am a hunk!. Everyone will go out with me!.’ I was surprised at what he said, so I turned around and said, ‘Not after I tell them what you did to me and Tara!’ After I said that he just kind of shrugged and walked away!.” I started laughing!. Then Jen started to laugh!. We thought it was hilarious!. Later that night, Jen and I stayed up late!. We couldn’t sleep!. We thought about how funny Duke’s face was when Tara dumped him!. At about 3:00 AM, we finally fell asleep!. We slept until 10:00 the next morning!. We decided instead of going to the football game, we had a girl’s night out!. Jen, Tara, Lora, Katie, and I all had a party!. All of us were single, so all we talked about was boys!. We went to a restaurant and then to a dance club!. We danced the night away!. When we got home, we were all tired, and all we could think about was going to sleep!.
THE ENDWww@Enter-QA@Com
One day at a football game, my friend Jen and I were crushing on a couple football stars!. We are just like "Oh my goodness! He is SO cute!!" Jen said, "He is such an angel!" She was drooling over him and it was like she was hypnotized!!! I knew that she would be upset when she finds out he has a girlfriend!. All the sudden, he came out with his girlfriend!. I looked at Jen, and her smile soon turned into a frown and she started to run!. I felt so angry about that, she really liked him, and she day dreamed about him every day!. I soon realized that he was actually cheating on her!!! I thought that she was going to die!. I soon ran after her and saw her at the park with her sunglasses on, in her favorite tree crying!. When I found her, I was comforting her, saying that it would be alright, and she could get a new boyfriend!. I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, and that he was such a nerd anyway!. I tried to convince her that he was mean and that he doesn’t deserve a girl like her!. She believed me after a while, and she said, "I just really liked him!. I spent days laughing with him and talking on the phone!. I had my first kiss with him!'' she blushed!. I said "You kissed him!!?!!?! I didn’t know you ever had your very first kiss! What was it like!?'' "Well," she said, "it was during a football game!. He went to come sit with me in the front row during a time out!. He cared more about me than listening to the coach!. He came over to me and said, 'I love you and I don’t want to be with anyone else!.' and then we kissed!! It was so romantic!.!.!.'' I couldn’t understand her anymore because she started to cry!. I could barely understand her saying '' I miss him so much'' by now, she just hugged me saying, "He was the best guy there ever was!. I loved him more than anyone else!!!!! And I thought he loved me too! He is a liar!.'' “I know, and I hate him for it!. I just think you should move on and forget about him!. He is stupid!. He doesn’t deserve you, Jen! He just doesn’t!!!” Jen said, “Do you know who was with him!?” I knew who was with him, but I knew it would make her cry more!. Instead I just changed the subject!. ‘’How about you come over to my house tonight!? I know it would be a tough night all by yourself!. If you want, we can invite Katie and Lora too!. I am sure it would be no problem!.” Jen was quiet for a few minutes, I think she was just sinking it all in!. Soon she said, “That would be fine!. But I would rather it just be you and me!. I really don’t want anyone else seeing me like this!. That’s why I am up here in this tree with my sunglasses on!.” “Ok, that will be fine!. How about we go to your house and tell your parents what’s up, and then if you want, we can go shopping!. I have been saving up my allowance for weeks!.” Jen wiped away her tears and then smiled!. “You rock!!!!! That will be fun!!! I have been saving up too!. Let’s stick with your plan!. Just don’t tell anyone about what happened today!. Ok!?” “Talk about what!?” We started to laugh!. There was my old Jen again!. On our way to her house, we were talking about everything that we always do!. But then a question popped up in my head!. I just blurted out on accident, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out!?” Jen tried to change the subject, but I wouldn’t let her!. She just said, “Because I didn’t really think we would keep on going out!. I thought it would just be one day, but I was wrong, it was a whole month!. I didn’t want to get you all excited that I had a boyfriend, until I knew it was the right time!. Last night was when we had our kiss!. I was going to tell you today, but…” Her voice trailed off!. I knew I shouldn’t have asked her!. “Sorry, Jen, I spoke without thinking!.” “That’s okay, if it was me, I would have done the same thing!” So we kept on walking, and when we got to Jen’s house, she ran in, got her stuff and we left!. We were on the way to my house, when we met the guy that cheated on Jen!. He was out walking with his girlfriend!. Jen said, “Hey Duke, who is that!?” She acted as if she never knew anything!. Jen just wanted to see his reaction!. “Uh, hi Jen, this is my cousin, yeah, this is my cousin, Tara!.” “Oh, really!? I guess she doesn’t come around often!. I have never seen her before!. Nice to meet you Tara!. Well, I got to go!. Bye my love bug!!!” Secretly, I gave Jen a high-five as we started back to my place!. We heard Tara yelling in back of us, “WHO IN THE WORLD WAS THAT!?!!?!!?!!? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME DUKE!?!!?! THAT’S IT, IT’S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!” Tara walked away very mad!. We walked over to Duke, with his mouth hanging wide open!. He struggled to say what he wanted to say!. He finally managed to find his words, and said, “Uh, Jen, hi my little love bug!! Want to go see a movie!?” I was just wondering what Jen was going to say, if she would say anything!. “Rachael, can you leave us alone for a few minutes!?” she said!. “Sure, I will meet you at my house!. See ya, Duke!.” On my way back home, I was wondering how Duke had gotten into this mess!. I also wondered what Jen was going to tell him!. When I got home, I asked my mom if Jen could stay over!. She said it was okay!. So I went to my room, and got my money, and then went back out onto the porch, and saw Jen sitting there, and to my surprise, she wasn’t crying!. When she saw me she started to laugh!. I was confused!. Why was she laughing!? I had to find out!. “Jen, what did you do to Duke!?” Jen said, “Let’s walk and I’ll talk!.” On our way to the mall, she told me the whole story!. She told Duke that he was stupid and that he should have learned from today!. She said that he told her that he knew, and he asked her if they were still going out!. Jen said, “Well, I said, ‘YOU THINK I WOULD GO OUT WITH YOU AGAIN!? GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GET DUMPED TWICE IN ONE DAY!. GOOD GOING DUDE!!’ It was just hilarious seeing his reaction!. Then he said, ‘Yeah, I know!. But I am a hunk!. Everyone will go out with me!.’ I was surprised at what he said, so I turned around and said, ‘Not after I tell them what you did to me and Tara!’ After I said that he just kind of shrugged and walked away!.” I started laughing!. Then Jen started to laugh!. We thought it was hilarious!. Later that night, Jen and I stayed up late!. We couldn’t sleep!. We thought about how funny Duke’s face was when Tara dumped him!. At about 3:00 AM, we finally fell asleep!. We slept until 10:00 the next morning!. We decided instead of going to the football game, we had a girl’s night out!. Jen, Tara, Lora, Katie, and I all had a party!. All of us were single, so all we talked about was boys!. We went to a restaurant and then to a dance club!. We danced the night away!. When we got home, we were all tired, and all we could think about was going to sleep!.
THE ENDWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
well you dont have very much experience but the base lines are there!.!. you just need to develop the story more!.!. add more suspense and adjecitves and verbs ETC!.!.!.keep writing!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Well honestly, its horrible!. You have a lot to learn about writing!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I liked it! couldn't stop reading it, you have to see what will happen next!Www@Enter-QA@Com
very long!
well, nice plot too but not well developed
u got a long way to goWww@Enter-QA@Com
well, nice plot too but not well developed
u got a long way to goWww@Enter-QA@Com