Parents will not let me live my own life??!
Question: am 38 years old,and residing with my parents due to my father was and has been in poor health starting 3 years ago.
he is disabled and unable to walk even with therapy 2x still unable to walk.i think he will never walk again.my mother has been something else.i have put my life on hold for them even employment.and i want to go back to work live my own life and not feel like i am in a prison all the time,like i feel that i am now.but according to my motherr my fathers health is more important then my life.i feel i have done more then my share for them,and i should be able to work have a life and dont need permission to do anything..i have mentioned this to my mother but she just makes me feel guilty.she has never really cared about my furure even when young and i think its up to me now not my parents say.they want me here at their beck and call all of the time and they just dont understand i shouldnt have to.any advice??
Answers: am 38 years old,and residing with my parents due to my father was and has been in poor health starting 3 years ago.
he is disabled and unable to walk even with therapy 2x still unable to walk.i think he will never walk again.my mother has been something else.i have put my life on hold for them even employment.and i want to go back to work live my own life and not feel like i am in a prison all the time,like i feel that i am now.but according to my motherr my fathers health is more important then my life.i feel i have done more then my share for them,and i should be able to work have a life and dont need permission to do anything..i have mentioned this to my mother but she just makes me feel guilty.she has never really cared about my furure even when young and i think its up to me now not my parents say.they want me here at their beck and call all of the time and they just dont understand i shouldnt have to.any advice??
Live........
It's great that your care about your parents and want to help but you have to go out and have a life of your own. Work out a plan that lets you work and have your own life while still helping your parents whenever you can.
PLEASE try using some paragraphs and capitalization, as that mess is real hard to read properly.
Parents suck.
Do what you want, not what they want you to do.
Wait, she said your father's health is more important than YOUR life? That's messed up. I say make your mother take care of her, I mean, you've been there for 3 years, and your mother needs to be taking care of your father.....
r u serious..take this advice forma 14 yr old.
listen 2 urself.....and read what u just wrote once more.....than say 2 ur self
what have they don for me
still i feel bad for u 3yrs....is an awful lot......their ur parents what kn u do
Wow. Just wow. They ARE your parents, you know. That's all I can say. Otherwise I will either make you upset or other people who answer will thumbs down me.
I think you should just move to your own home, maybe find some apartments nearby (good ones!) or something. Your 38, your parents cant control you. If she trys to, just tell her that you are only here to help out, and if she keeps trying to control you then tell her you will leave. Maybe try and get a job somewhere when not helping out? Your mom should be able to take care of your dad then.
This is a sad situation but I know where you are coming from you need to sit down with your mom and tell her that you need to get on with your life and you will be glad to help out with certain things but they really need to get a nurse or aid to help them out good luck honey best wishes
whaddya think parents r 4? ur old enough 2 take care of urself. get your own house, your own money, your own job, and your own life. dont let your parents take over, ur free now, if you want to be.
Wow you're in a tight situation. My advice is that you tell her strait up that you're 38, and it's time for you to start living your own life. I'm sorry and can relate to your dad's situation (my dad died about a year ago), but if your mom thinks his health is so important, then why can't she take care of it? If she's so motivated, I'd think she'd be able to do the job herself. Best of luck.
At such a age you should be living your life, heck your almost over the hill. Helping your father, at such a state is the right thing to do, although if you mother can not tend to his need's by her self, and must rely on you for every single thing. I would look into a Home Nurse who would be able to provide aid to him. Offer These options to your parents, and if they deny this. Break away, its time your grew a back bone and faced them.
I'm glad my parents are nothing like that.
DO NOT LET YOUR MOM PUT U ON A GUILT TRIP.
With the problems your Dad has it seems like he should be in a nursing home unless your Mom can take care of him herself. Don't you have any brothers or sisters that can help out. If u do, jusdt tell them you're done and now it's their turn. If not, explain to your mom that u have to get a job and a life of your own because they aren't going to be there forever and you have to support yourself. Tell her that she and Dad need some hired help or Dad needs to go into a home. Tell her you love them, but this is the way it has to be. Stick to your guns and don't go on that guilt trip. Sorry, but it sounds like Mom is having her own 'Pity Party'. Good Luck
I took care of my mother for the last three yr.s of her life... It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life,RIP,MA ... I was made to feel guilt, shame, disgust,and a major ,,major list of other things ,,,but,, they gave till it hurt ,,, and I willed myself to do as I felt needed done,, my life waited,, now it's flying on by me , but I'll make it,,& I feel good for making it worth her while to have me and put that much into me ,,,to know I'd be there in the end,,, It was worth it,,,,
They can't be dependant on you forever and somehow you need to get them to realize this. I don't know if your mom's afraid of taking care of your father on her own or what but if that's the case then you need to suggest to her that there are so many ways she can get help without having you to do it because you have your own needs to take care of and can't be there all the time. There are CNA's that work in homes, vocational nurses, home care aides, so many more.. so there's no reason for you to get stuck doing all the work. You can suggest these to your mom and help her find one, and tell her that you will be there when you can, but when you can't that she will have help. Telling you that your father is more important than living your life is just wrong. I know he's going thru something horrible but that's no reason for you to get stuck taking care of him. They may not want a stranger in the home but you know what.. that's too bad! They'd have to get one anyways if you ever decided to move out. You need to live your life, get a job, get a spouse and be happy. You DESERVE to be happy and I truely hope you take this advice and get the chance to be. Take care.
sounds like someone is feeling sorry for themselves......is all that history you gave suppose to make you seem like a martyr...as if it a big deal.....yes its a good thing that you are helping out your family.....but so have thousands of others.....your situation is no different then any ones else.....some have it really bad.....I think that with all that's going on ...its finally catching up with you....and its getting over whelming......take a break....have yourself a night out....give your self a break now and then and stop letting it get to you....there your parents....you know how they were you know how they are.....so it shouldn't have surprised you...
it sounds as though you are caving in to emotional blackmail. there are many social services out there to help the aged and handicapped. i applaud you for doing it all on your own all this time but you are becoming emotionally handicapped yourself.
there comes a time in everyone's life where they have to choose to lead their own lives. your time has come.
make a plan for your life - housing, job, etc. - look into social services available to your parents and have that info on hand as well. if there are counsellors that will come out to the house then invite them to join you for a meeting with your parents. then sit down with your parents and tell them what you have planned. tell them that you will be happy to come over a few times a week to help out but that you need to get on with your own life.
you have to stand strong and be strong for this, your parents will try to lay even more guilt on you and you have to understand that saying no to them could be the best thing you can do for yourself and them. whatever happens with them is not your fault, not your doing. they have to learn that you are no longer a doormat for them. if what you say is true then no matter how much you do it will never be enough in their eyes.
good luck! stay committed to your own well being - as you have stated yourself - your well being doesn't seem to concern them whatsoever and if you allow them to continue to use you then you have no one but yourself to blame! now go start your life girl! good luck to you!
You have to live for yourself. Life is too short to not do the things you want to do in life. don't let anyone hold you back. your parents will just have to understand. Your parents are being selfish.