Help me if you can.. Its just that this.. is not the way I'm wired so... non!
Question: could you please.. help me understand why.. you're giving into all these reckless, dark desires you're.. talking to yourself again... suicidal embicile.. think about it .. put it on a fault line.. what'll it take to get it through to you precious.. over this.. Why do you want to throw it away like this.. Such a mess I don't want to watch you.. Disconnect and self-destruct one bullet at a time.. What's your rush now everyone will have his day to die..?... Medicated drama queen .. picture pefrect nonbelligerents narcissistic drama queen craving fame and all its decadence...
Answers: could you please.. help me understand why.. you're giving into all these reckless, dark desires you're.. talking to yourself again... suicidal embicile.. think about it .. put it on a fault line.. what'll it take to get it through to you precious.. over this.. Why do you want to throw it away like this.. Such a mess I don't want to watch you.. Disconnect and self-destruct one bullet at a time.. What's your rush now everyone will have his day to die..?... Medicated drama queen .. picture pefrect nonbelligerents narcissistic drama queen craving fame and all its decadence...
There's a time to fight and a time to die. You can choose the first one.
yeah why not
ok
Puff and chill...
Is this like a new song? Groovy
Not at all bad!
But try it in Poetry!
Look, I have been on the edge of suicide for a couple of times. I don't believe that I have to wait for my day to die. And I never seeked for attention anyway. I hate attention...
Suicide was my way of going out of a world where everything went wrong for me and I didn't have control over the events after some point.
I was suffering for my intelligence and my abilities - I wanted art and knew I could do it whereas I was forced for science.
My family was going through economical problems. Many economical problems. and they were seperated and I just wanted them to be together and happy and without their problems, like my classmates' parents are.
I was all alone, not many friends, nobody to understand me. Everyone saw me as weird. An atheist headbanger who reads Dante or Nietzsche in the breaks, age : 12-13.
I was dealing with my extreme depression I tried to keep in, and it forced me extremely, trying to get out between my fake smiles. (And so the self-harm began.)
1 of the most important 2 exams in Turkey I had to take, the highschool acceptance test, and I was expected to get the highest mark in 844 thousand people. Pressure and stress to the extreme point.
Fights with the parents. I moved out of 1's house and to the other's and vice versa. My mum would yell, "You cruel thing, I don't want to see you! I did all for you but look at you!" even though I tried my best to keep her constant between my problems.
I didn't come home for 12 hours every day, outside, at school and cramming schools afterwards.
A friend died from cancer, someone I wanted to be really close with and really really liked, but I wasn't able to because he was living away..
I didn't have the power to hold on for a long time, I'd sit with a razor or knife in hand trying to give myself encouragement looking at the sky.
I, fortunately, knew that there was still hope - I would grow up, maybe fall in love, maybe get my poor *** into a fine arts faculty...And I craved for the days I'll be a "young adult".
And I didn't slit my wrists or jump off or hanged myself.
But I could, and I was about to.
Don't watch us if you want. We have our problems anyway and this is our life, so you don't have a word to say about how we would like to go on - alive or dead. Talking on my behalf, I'm not a drama queen. I despise attention. Fame, isn't my thing in this situation and even if I got fame how the hell am I to enjoy it?
Don't see us as mindless attention seekers. We are mostly depressed people that can't see/don't have any exit out of their agonizing situations, and mostly lonely and misunderstood, not in an adolescent way.