Do you find it uncomfortable when a friend with low self esteem compliments you,!
Question: I have a friend who is slightly overweight. I think she is beautiful. She has a wonderful personality, a gorgeous face, and killer smile.
the problem is, whenever we go out together, she tells how great I look, and how she wishes she had a body like me (mind you she's had 2 kids, no no one expects her body to look the way it did prior). I appreciate the compliments, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable when she says how disgusting her body is (which it really is not!). It makes me not want to be around her anymore.
I try to say things like, "you look awesome for having had 2 kids", and "There are people who are bigger than you", and that she has so much going for her. We've been shopping to buy more flattering clothes, we've done the spa makeover thing, but nothing seems to stop her self hating jokes. I even offered to work out with her.
I don't wanna just bail on her, but I don't know what else to say or do to try and boost her up. It's just real uncomfortable.
Answers: I have a friend who is slightly overweight. I think she is beautiful. She has a wonderful personality, a gorgeous face, and killer smile.
the problem is, whenever we go out together, she tells how great I look, and how she wishes she had a body like me (mind you she's had 2 kids, no no one expects her body to look the way it did prior). I appreciate the compliments, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable when she says how disgusting her body is (which it really is not!). It makes me not want to be around her anymore.
I try to say things like, "you look awesome for having had 2 kids", and "There are people who are bigger than you", and that she has so much going for her. We've been shopping to buy more flattering clothes, we've done the spa makeover thing, but nothing seems to stop her self hating jokes. I even offered to work out with her.
I don't wanna just bail on her, but I don't know what else to say or do to try and boost her up. It's just real uncomfortable.
It was interesting reading this. I just may be such a person as your friend is, and have never considered this point of view, although I should have thought that my friend may feel uncomfortable by my lack of comfort. Thanks a lot for this post.
yes, that situation is uncomfortable, she is fishing for compliments, which shows her insecurity. I wouldn't bail on her, but I would talk about this openly with her or get yourself to the point that when she compliments you, just say thanks, then don't feel responsible to feed her insecurity with a compliment. This is her issue, not yours...stop feeling like you have to fix it.
true friendship means you have to tolerate your friends shortcomings best advice i can give is to just be understanding that she has self confidence issues and try your best to help her out
the only reason you should lose a friend is if they do something immoral
good luck
First off the last thing someone wants to hear is "you look awesome for having had 2 kids", why don't you just say, "you look awesome". The other one "There are people who are bigger than you", you are just feeding into her low self esteem by agreeing that she is fat. Say to her, over and over, "you are beautiful, you look great, hold your shoulders back and walk and act like it.". When you see her say to her, "you look great today.", find something about her specifically that looks great.
After I had my kids I was overweight some. We went to Florida and my sister in law said to me, "Aren't you glad there are women here way bigger than you?". That was 15 years ago and I have never forgotten that.
i think uve been a veri supportive friend n_n ive known people with self esteem issues, it gets frustrating arguing weth them all the tiem when their determined about the negative image they have. maybe u shud tell her that its wearing on u? her negative attitude and obsession weth her image is effecting u an wearing u out, tell her that u think shes beautiful, an that u wud go to the gym weth her, or support her on a diet or anything to help her, but constantlee hearing about her negative self image when she wunt let u help u is wearin u thin.
if u dunt feel comfortable tellin her how u feel, then i guess u either have to continue the way it is, or slowly spend less time with her ? i hope i helped!! *hugs*
just tell her the things which u mentioned in the first paragraph
I understand because I have been on both sides of that fence so to speak. There really isn't much more you can do for her. She sounds just a bit worse off than I was. She is going to have to look inward and learn to appreciate the person she is. Has she tried speaking to a therapist? I did and it helped quite a bit. But really now the only thing you can to for her is tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her she makes you feel like not hanging around. Tell her you won't put up with her self abuse anymore. But let her know that you care and are there for her as long as she doesn't beat herself up. Sure she may be offended and hurt at first, but if she is a true friend she will understand your feelings. I know I did when a friend did the same to me. I got mad at first but then I understood. I sought the help of a therapist and began making changes that I was unhappy with.
Yeah, my chubby sister-in-law used to do that. I think it is a way of calling attention to herself, even if it is negative. It is sort of manipulative, and not really a sincere compliment. This is not to say that you or I don't look great, but it is her way of expressing her insecurities. I'd just say thank you and ignore the negative stuff. Soon she stopped the "I'm so fat" talk when I stopped telling her she looked fine. No matter how much I boosted her up, it was never enough. She needs to do that on her own.