Tell me what you think...?!
Question: This Night
Let a song be my one solace
And your voice the last sweet sound
Sing me to sleep
For in the morn' i shall be dead.
Let your eyes not shed a tear
Lest your parting notes be broken
I shall leave as quietly
As i'd come.
Be honest guys. I can take criticism :-)
Oh and i know its morbid, but i didnt write it cuz im dying or anything, hehe
Answers: This Night
Let a song be my one solace
And your voice the last sweet sound
Sing me to sleep
For in the morn' i shall be dead.
Let your eyes not shed a tear
Lest your parting notes be broken
I shall leave as quietly
As i'd come.
Be honest guys. I can take criticism :-)
Oh and i know its morbid, but i didnt write it cuz im dying or anything, hehe
Personally, I really like it. I think it could be the great beginning to a song, but just as a poem it's strong and really makes a statement in a short period of time. That's tough to do, and I definitely respect you for being able to do that. But, to me, I hate when lines have really drastically different number of syllables except for the first or last line. So, maybe make a few of the lines a bit shorter. But, that's just a personal feeling. Other than that, it really is great. Good job!
song or poem.?
very intersting....you can take this to a bunch of places...love it
quite good, may work wel with slow acoustic guitar.....:)
Very poetic.
I like it.
very good
desperate housewives.....
sounds pretty sad...too sad... you should write happier stuff; especially if you're not dieing.
sounds good to me
Its very sad...But for poetry it is very good...Keep up the good work..it saddens me but you should write happier pieces....lol
I liked it. I don't want to sound like a little kid, but it would almost flow better if it had some rhyme scheme, but all in all, very good work!
Well, it is kinda morbid. It's good if you like morbid. Sounds like something Edgar Allen Poe wrote.
I like it
I like it it is pretty good,
for a poem,
first part: okay
second part:good
seems like a poem...are you depressed..thats the feel it gives.
planning to leave thy dimension so soon?
it depends what do you want it for...
It's good.
I saw MOZ perform "Asleep" on their last tour at the show in Palm Beach... It was weird hearing the song played by a band. I almost didn't recognize it.
It's beautiful.
I love writing morbid poems/songs, and they are the only ones i read/listen to.
"Lest your parting notes be broken"
This line is my favourite as it uses the metaphor of music and sound to give very vivid visual imagery of separation.
It's great :)
cool, keep trying to write, everyone needs encouragement. As for that verse, well, it's a little bit sad for my taste. Thanks for sharing.
it made me feel sad while reading it :/
wow thats really good!
better than anything i could do.
critisism is just not an option in this
case! it's like, really....i dont know
how to put it exactly....like....grrr i cant think
of the word!
beautiful! thats it!
its beautiful... =*)
keep writing! =)