Head bomb alert?!
Question: OK making this story short...didn't know who dad was till i was 36, met him, built a relationship with him and his family, discovered i had 4 half sis's and bro's and a whole bunch of Danish family..got very close to them all...dad stops contacting me, moved away without telling me, that was 6 years ago...not a word from him or anyone else, till this morning, i have been confused and upset that he did this and now he wants to start fresh, no explanation to why he cut off contact...am i right by telling him to sling his hook? i feel guilty by doing this but i hate people playing with my feelings, it's on my mind now and i don't now what to do...help?
serious answers please, this is so confusing...what do i do?
Answers: OK making this story short...didn't know who dad was till i was 36, met him, built a relationship with him and his family, discovered i had 4 half sis's and bro's and a whole bunch of Danish family..got very close to them all...dad stops contacting me, moved away without telling me, that was 6 years ago...not a word from him or anyone else, till this morning, i have been confused and upset that he did this and now he wants to start fresh, no explanation to why he cut off contact...am i right by telling him to sling his hook? i feel guilty by doing this but i hate people playing with my feelings, it's on my mind now and i don't now what to do...help?
serious answers please, this is so confusing...what do i do?
First of all i am so sorry this has happened to you and second what you did is a normal reaction so do not blame yourself in any way shape or form.
You are angry and now feel bad but you have nothing to feel bad about it was him who decided to leave and go without warning he cant just expect happy families after doing that to you.
there may be many reasons why he did what he did families are very fickle I can tell you.
He may have been getting a lot of grief from his other family when he was in touch with you and your children. They may have resented your sudden appearance and his desire to build a relationship with you and you may not have been aware of this.
He may have felt torn in too and rather than tell them this is it he took the easy option and kept away from you to save the grief he was getting selfish and cowards way but he may have had a lot of pressure.
Second he may be confused as to what to do and not really have understood the emotional side and effect on himself and everyone else/
Third he may be just what I call a head mess and he himself is a character that does not know what he wants.
Now what to do well stop feeling guilty NOT your fault you acted normal and natural and he got what he deserved to be honest.
Two choices you either ignore and wait to see if he contacts again or you bite the bullet and telephone him.
What ever one comes from above the ball is in your court and you have to protect yourself and your children something you need to make very clear to him straight away.
You need to ask him why he did what he did no matter how bad it is because if he wants a relationship with you ever again you need to understand why he did what he did so you can move forward.
From what you have written it sounds to me he got a lot of grief for contacting you from other people but in the end he loves you, you are his daughter and he has obviously thought he cant carry on like this any longer.
Good luck and above all else do not blame yourself you have done nothing wrong and your reaction was normal. xx
don't we all deserve another chance ? besides, its family.
You right to tell him to sling his hook
but i would ask him to send you in an email why he did what he did
at least then you may find the answer...that is if you can believe him.
but dont get involved with him if you feel its the right thing for you
good luck and look forward to Christmas
Sounds like he might have some issues. You should talk to him about your feelings. Try to understand his side of it.
follow your heart , maybe ask him lots of questions as to why he stopped contacting you , give him a chance to explain and take it from there , if you`re not happy with his reasoning then tell him to sling his hook ..
Good Luck x
There is years of hurt and anger still within you, couldn't you ask the reason he cut off contact with you? He may have a genuine reason, he may not.... But at least then you would know where you stand, and then make your decision weather to have anymore contact with him in the future.
Good Luck to you... it can be difficult and at this time of the year.
Just ignore him for a bit, if he really wants to make a fresh start, he won't give up
I would not know what to do as well.
My Father left us when i was 3 Years old.
He lives in the same Town as me,but he never phones.
Once every 2 Years the Doorbell rings,and there he is.
I cant be angry with him,because I love him.
He has not seen my Mother for 10 Years,but he did go to her Funeral in March this Year,and he was crying his Eyes out.
He feels guilty,because he left my Mother and his 3 Daughters,but he does love us.
He has a new Family .I have a Half brother and Sister as well.
But you have to make up your own Mind.
But never forget.
You only have one Father.
Don't do something you will regret in the future Tats. Life on earth is too short for all the negative feelings and energy around and it would be better for both of you if you make your peace with him even if you don't have a lot of contact in future. If he died without you making peace with him ask yourself how that would make you feel? Then decide from there what you want to do but everyone deserves a second chance. Good luck.
Only you can decide Tats!
My dad was an @rse, as you know I was raised by his mum and dad, well mainly his mum becasue my grandad died when I was 7, my dad would come and visit me for a few weeks/months (short ones) at a time, then he'd dissapear for a couple of years, this went on my whole childhood, then when my gran (my mum) died 3 years ago suddenly he wanted to be my dad again, though this time my kids were involved, anyway he either saw me or phoned me everyday for a week and a half, on the day of my grans funeral he said he loved me and he'd phone me tommorow, well I'm still bloody waiting, My dads chances are completely finished, not only did he get my kids involved but he's also got kids who were made to beleive they were away to be aunts and an uncle, not to mention have a relationship with me!
I've saw my dad a couple of times since then though in public places, both times I completely ignored the twat, the way I see it is it's his loss not bloody mine, and he can go to f*ck, sadly for me my real mums the bloody same, she phones twice a year and sends Chritmas presents for the kids, funny since I didn't see her from the age of 2 to 22, I say f*ck them Tats, their the ones who'll have the regrets, they've missed out on a daughter and grandkids, plus their other kids must think their soooooo f*cked up, by the way they both live about 10 minutes from me so theirs no excuse!
At the end of the day though, for me I just can't be f*cked with them and their shite, I couldn't give two shits about them, but is that how you feel?
Good Luck whatever you decide to do, and I hope it works out for you!