Who has something funny to say to make me laugh out loud?!
Question: what do you call a rapping hippo?
...a hip hop-potamus.
Answers: what do you call a rapping hippo?
...a hip hop-potamus.
Look down your shirt and spell "attic"
I pee yellow.
A man in a nursing home once said:
"Having sex when you're in your 90's is like shooting pool with a rope"!
Smell your underarms
An 80 year old man said to his 80 year old wife:
"Lets go upstairs and make love"
The wife said,
"Pick one I can't do both"
goo goo
gah gah
STFU!!!!!
tell him to stand closer it's shorter then he thinks
I thought you'd enjoy what happened to me today.
I sat down on the couch, took a sip of tea, put my cup on the floor, and my kitten decided she wanted some. She put her head in my cup and then licked a couple of times and accidentally knocked my cup of tea over. Fortunately, it was on the wood floor and not the carpet!
After spilling my tea she ran and hid.
What does a Tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!
awesome dead baby and helen keller jokes... and other random ones...
What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h? ?Stopping it with a shovel.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first? ?So you can see the expression on its face!
What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall? ?Ripping them off again.
How do you stop a baby from choking? ?Take your dick out of its mouth.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? ?It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? ?Grandmothers don't die when you **** them up the ***.
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid? ?A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies? ?I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
What is pink and red and sits in a corner? ?A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner? ?The same baby, six weeks later.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? ?A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What is the difference between a baby and a onion??No one cries when you chop up the baby.
What is the difference between a baby and a Mars Bar?
About 500 calories.
What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive
What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom
What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more
What wiggles spits and is covered in ****?
An inside out baby!
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children's playground.
What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
What do you call the baby when it lands?
Free pizza.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What is the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
How do you make a dead baby float? ?Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? ?As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
How do you get a baby to run faster? ?Chase it with the lawn mower.
Why do they boil water when a baby is being born??So that if its born dead they can make soup.
How do you Punish Hellen Keller? 1- Reareange the Furniture 2- Give her a basketball and tell her to read it. 3- tell her to find the corners in a round room 4- tell her to read a stucco wall
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork.
What was Helen Kellers favorite childhood game? Musical Chairs
Whats Helen Kellers favourite movie? Around the Block in 80 days.
Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color??A: Corduroy.?
Q. What did she do when she fell down the well??A. She screamed her fingers off.
??Q. How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff??A. She was wearing mittens?
Did you hear what poor deaf, blind, and mute Helen Keller got for Christmas??Cancer.
If helen keller were psychic, would she call it a fourth sense?
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.
What did Helen Keller say when she found the cheese grater??It was the most violent book she'd ever read.
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand??She uses the other to sing with.
How did Helen Keller break her arms? Trying to read road signs at 40mph
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."?Priest : "What have you done my child?"?Girl : "I called a man a son of abitch."?Priest : "Now why did you call him a son of abitch my child?"?Girl : "Because he touched my hand."?Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)?Girl : "Yes father."?Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of abitch my child."?Girl : "…but, but then he touched my breasts."?Priest : "Like this?" (as he caresses her breasts)?Girl : "Yes father."?Priest : "Surely, that's no reason to call him a son of abitch my child."?Girl : "…but, but then he took off my clothes, father."?Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)?Girl : "Yes father."?Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of abitch."?Girl : "…but, but then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."?Priest : "Like thisss?" (as he sticks his you know what into her you know where)?Girl : "OH YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"?(after a few minutes)?Priest : "…but that's no reason to call him a son of abitch."?Girl : "…but, but father, he had AIDS!"?Priest : "DAMN THAT SON OF ABITCH!!!"