How much pain in your life you put up with so far?!
Question: born till now?
how much pain have you endured? physcially mentally etc.
or no pain at all?
when was last time you endured some kind of pain?
Answers: born till now?
how much pain have you endured? physcially mentally etc.
or no pain at all?
when was last time you endured some kind of pain?
well lost my mum to cancer 3 years ago this coming remembrance day gave birth with no meds under 30minutes woohoo ummm lost my home Dec 1st of last year got arthritis a few weeks later from stress but life goes on i have a 2 beautiful healthy kids and a handsome loving man by my side so all is good
my parents divorsed. and i asked out a girl and she said no.. whats up with that!
when my gf broke up with me for no reason, heartbroken since 2 months ago, hell i still feel pain
so much mentally. it was mostly my past though
A LOT! I can never get used to it! I guess the last time was yesterday.
Tons..hard life but no matter how hard it gets...I know..there is someone else out there who has it worse than me.
My mom just died of cancer! Life will never be the same!
alot.... even right now
It's emotional pain, and I don't think I understands what's causing it
I've had to deal with so many people dying or leaving me, and the crap keeps getting worse every day..
I was born over 63 years ago. I went to school, infant,junior and senior in the same area. Memories there, the teacher was out and I asked my classmate how to work a maths problem. The Teach. came in and asked who had been talking. Mary stood a little before me and was excused. I was called out, bent over the desk and caned on the upper leg. I finished school 2nd in 4th year. So much for early days.
I applied for an office job and the Supervisor, MISS ARGYLE asked among other things what my interests were. I gave classical music, Bagpipe playing, Gilbert and Sullivan, Scots and Irish folk and gardening. I was put alongside Gwenneth B as MISS A thought we would get on well together.
Neither of us smoked or drank and as the office lunch room was usually hazy with tobacco. we would go outside to eat.
We began going out to films and the theatre and concerts and would exchange a kiss at the end of an evening. This became serious and one night Gwen said that we had better discuss if we should continue in this way.We thought we should go on and see what eventuated.
We did gardening at each others houses at the weekend and I was :"welcomed" to long religious talks, one topic of which was that Methodism was not really Christian but a device of Satan.
About three years after meeting, we decided to purchase a house and live together.
We decided to tell our Parents. When I told Mother( Father had pased away) she said. "You know I always wanted grandchildren but Gwenneth is a lovely person. Love her and be kind to her."
When our house was ready fof final fittings we had a housewarming. Mother, my Brother and his Fiance came. I never learned what Gwen's parents said when she first "came out" to them but the answer to our invitation to the house party was so shocking I burn to think of it even now.
After the meal, Gwen and I declared our love and promised to care, protect and trust. Toasts were drunk and we were as happy as if we had been united in the High Church of St Giles in Edinburgh.
MISS ARGYLE retired as Director of our firm and at the lunch she asked Gwen and I to see her before she left at 2 PM.
We went to her office and she asked "Well girls, how are you getting on together ? Never mind, I have had my eye on you both and wish I could have got to know you better but you know what office gossip is like. I have prepared a reference for each of you. If we should meet at any future time, please call me Fiona". She gave each of us a peck on the cheek and we left feeling as if we had won the lottery.
When my long leave approached we planned a trip for me. I was looking forward to this and failed to take proper notice. Gwen said she was tired but to take lots of lovely photos to cheer her up. I left and had a wonderful time, calling home with news. I missed Gwen several times and when I came home there was a note on the door to see the next door neighbour. She told me that some time ago she had gone out to get the paper and noticed Gwen lying in the garden. She could not rouse her and called an ambulance. They took her to hospital and then to a hospice where she died of a virulent cancer. The neighbour had been asked for a contact and gave Gwen's parents who, it appears had called at times to "spy"..
When contacted, they said they would not visit but would claim the remains when she died'.
I wrote to them, thanking them for taking care of the funeral and offering to contribute to the costs involved but no reply. I suspected that the burial would have been in their church yard so carrying flowers and bearing guilt and shame I paid my first visit.
I found the grave on its own in a corner. One of the female relatives saw me and remarked that trying to "buy them off" would not work. I pushed passed her, laid the flowers and read the words on the stone "UNKNOWN TO GOD".
"sATISFIED NOW? LESBIANS, NOYOURELESSTHANNOTHING."
I felt extremely ill. I wanted nothing more than to kill the woman which I could have easily done with the self defence training my brother had given us. What stopped me I will never know but I found myself outside the cemetary and walking home. Two days later I began to shake in fits and later could not sleep. A "friend" suggested alcohol before bed and bought me full strength everclear with absinthe to flavour it. It did not seem to wok and I began to drink heavily. My work was affected and I lost my job. After a month or so I began thinking of ways to take my own life. I called my brother and said I was in trrouble and could I come to see him,..He said he would come to visit me and when he arrived and I opened the door he just looked and said "Good God'. He got me to pack some clothes and my medications and took me to his home. Their children were at school so I stayed there until a doctor was found for me. I was taken into care. I only have one "souvenir" of that time, written on a scrap of paper was "The veil of tears shall lift as the last rain on a winters day. The setting sun sharply reflccts, softly reveals then fades. Tomorrow will be a bright spring day, the delight of my beloved".
Gradually i learned to look outside my head and the bitter hatred that was my being left me. I have heard "guilt" jokingly referred to as "The gift that lasts forever". I have fourd thet forgiveness brings unexpected rewards. I learned to forgive that family and myself. As I did so, love began to creep back.
Yahoo people have greatly helped me.One lady sent me this song which is so beautiful and so true.."I would'vr loved you anyway" by Trisha Yearwood.
http://mistygal.com/lovedyouanyway.html
A nurse in the reigious forum gave an answer that freed a tightness that I did not know existed.
PJ H
Member since: October 25, 2006
Total points: 1,213 (Level 3)
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Rose, I am so very sorry for your loss. Now, let an old grey nurse talk to you for a bit. Sometimes people know they are very unwell, but cover the symptoms "for a while" because a loved one has something important that they want them to do, like a trip, and do not want anything to get in the way. If this is the case, Gwen sort of made the decision for you to go by not giving you all the information. I am pretty sure she knew something was very wrong for some time. If she was as strong as she was young, she could probably hide quite a bit. Maybe not good choice, but a very comman choice of many adults.
Sometimes virulent cancer can grow and spread for a very long time with very few symptoms and then there are an overwhelming number of symptoms, including very intense pain. If Gwen was suddenly placed on a large number of painkillers very quickly, she may not have been able to express her desire to contact you in a way that made sense.
If her family was contacted and you were not physically present to exercise any legal power of attorney that you had arranged, they became the decision makers, and the health care workers must repect that legal role, even if it means not trying to contact you. They likely had no choice. I doubt Gwen had much choice either. I saw the same senario many times as a hospice worker, usually with gay couples, sometime interracial or mixed religious denomination couples. It would make us so mad that .....Sh**!
If she were in a hospice, they would not have had your information to contact you, because her family would have had to provide it. If she were in a hospital or a hospice, she was not alone. She had people that sat with her, cleaned her, cared for her, rubbed her back, held her hand, gave her medicine but not alone.
Gwen sounds like an amazing strong, forgiving, loving person, and I am happy you had years together. I very seriously doubt that she would want you to carry her memory with this much pain. Please do not take away the happiness and joy that she gave you and replace it with what...this? No. baby, that is just wrong.
I will give you the speech that I would use when I worked hospice, death is like birth, it is an intensely emotional watershed moment in your life and the lives connected to you. Nothing will ever be the same after either. But, they are just short time events that are quite brief and out of the control and responsibility of those around them. When you compaire the few moments or hours or days to the years of love, commitment, humor, sacrfice and joy that the person brings to these same lives, it does not take away from the death and loss, but it keeps it in perspective. I doubt Gwen would ever allow anyone to treat you to the pain that you are feeling. If you can be kind enough to forgive her family for that outragous treatment of the both of you, can't you forgive yourself for ..being out of town. For the sake of who she was, it is time to forgive the person she loved the most. God bless you and keep you safe.
Well, here I am. I apologise if I have tired or worried you. I am still learning.
Love Rose