Any feedback on my lyrics?!

one night i couldnt fall asleepp and i was really sad!. andd i sat down and these lyrics just came out, completely naturally!. its my first song and my first draft and it was completely on impulse!. please send any feedbackk!. o and i imagine itd be a hard rock song:

This world used to be so kind,
And now I feel so out of line!.

I've fought my life and hoped it doesn't fight back,
I've learned the best offense, don't even attack,
The torture and pain and invincible spite,
And love and emotion and overwhelming light,
Is this heaven or hell or something in between,
What's best is to sit back and just watch the fight!.

[Chorus]
If love was a sin then I've sinned my soul black,
If jealousy made my heart beat then I'd have a heart attack,
This life is so unjust and full of despair,
But all seems so right when she's with you right there!.


It comes and goes this cycle's just a breeze,
But pause your being, just stand, stay, freeze
Just look at her face, in her beautiful eyes,
Forget the deception and gruesome lies,
She'll save you from earth and the grief of Man,
Her reality will lift you up to the skies!.

[Chorus]

Is life still so soft or am I truly out of line,
Or has this world made my thoughts go sour!?
I won't dwell on these things, they're not worth my while
Times change and men die ev'ry hour!.

[Chorus]

My eyes see so clear,
Just promise, you'll be here
With me!.!.!.

any additions or something to take out, feel free to sendWww@Enter-QA@Com

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