What do you think of this rap song I wrote?!


Question: What do you think of this rap song I wrote!?
Another night of mine
Another night of mine
I can't sleep I guess I gotta write some rhymes
Its 2am and yes I do this all the time
I'm hot then I'm cold I guess these r the signs

Now listen to me man I got a story to tell
About a friend of mine lets just call him Dell
And these stories happen just all too well
A lot of ups and downs r in the life we dwell

Now Dell was a man who fell in love with a girl
She had a pretty face, long hair with curls
Now heres a heads up I knew this man was sterile
I don't know another line so Im a just say twirl

See when you're funky fresh you can do these things
Just jot a word down for the rhyming I mean
I rocked so many mics I deserve all glory
Now chill and let me take you people back to the story

Dell met the girl when he was shooten some hoops
She called him Baby D and he called her Boo
They went up on a a couple dates and the had sex too
Now I'm a blow your mind with a few quick truths

I'm not done yey, but what do you think of what I have so far!?

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Answers:
its funny!.!.!.dope rhymes Www@Enter-QA@Com

I have heard better!. You need to work on your lyrics/structure ( what is your message ) how about using more literal devices!? most great rappers ( nas, immortal ) have many literal devices in one verse, but people don't notice them but it makes the song better!.

I am not hating!.!.!.your asking for an opinion and you got it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

WOW!.!.!.THAT WAS FANTASTIC!. REALLY BEAUTIFUL LYRICS!. I CAN SEE YOU IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY AS A FAMOUS SONG WRITER!. PATIENCE AND PRACTICE WILL TAKE YOU A LONG WAY!. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR MUSIC CAREER!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Pretty good so far make sure the ending kills!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Not bad!.!.!. you shoould post em over at RapMonster in the freestyle section!.
http://www!.rapmonster!.comWww@Enter-QA@Com

not badWww@Enter-QA@Com

home skillet dats AWSOME
but i dnt like da sex partWww@Enter-QA@Com



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