How can I improve on this rap?!


Question: How can I improve on this rap!?
I'm gettin money like bee's gettin Honey & the honey's lovin that sweet taste of money but they got me on my knees sayin please, please, please, I know I keep it goin but times so hard I don't wanna go down like tottenham hotspur so i'm gunn stay on top sir!!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
Your rap
I'm gettin money like bee's gettin Honey & the honey's lovin that sweet taste of money but they got me on my knees sayin please, please, please, I know I keep it goin but times so hard I don't wanna go down like tottenham hotspur so i gotta stay on stay on top sir!!

My revised version of your rap
I (check the money) like bee's that (collect the honey)
But aint no honey grabbin' to (select my money)
Now they (askin baby please) got em (standin' on they knees)
But those silly rabbits never (grabbin on the green)
Dudes be soft like (Cotton man Oscar)
They always get jealous with they (rotten damn posture)
But never act, I'll (pop a damn glock first)
Cause I aint trying to go down like the (Tottenham Hotspurs)
Stay on (top sir) like the tip of the (Eiffiel Tower)
Mess with it I'll leave all of your (Idols sour)
Better (idolize me) sparking-I'm on (firefly steez)
You can't buy or sell my stuff, if you cant even (itemize me)


Yeah!.!.!.!.read yours and read my revision and see what you should work on!. And im not saying mine was good cuz i really think that sucked!. I wrote it in like 3 minutes just to show you!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

"I know I keep it goin but times so hard I don't wanna go down like tottenham hotspur"

This is the only sentence in the rap that doesn't rhyme!.

You've rhymed "!.!.spur" with "sir" later on so try putting summit after times so hard!.!.!.like "but times so hard, and i don't know where but i dont wana go down like Tottenham hotspur"!.!.!.!.!.!.!. a no thats a crap example but !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

It was good, until you mentioned a Football Team(british football, so to americans, 'Soccer'!.)

It just sounded a little chavvy with the team mentioned!.!.!.

Sorry I dunno what you can use to replace it though!.!.!.=[

and I'm not into the 'sir' at the end!.!.!.otherwise it's stellar ;D

=] xx Www@Enter-QA@Com

Make it longer and nick some of the top rappers lyrics like 50cents or 2-acsWww@Enter-QA@Com

Its good, apart from the tottenham line, i agree with everyone else on that :-)Www@Enter-QA@Com

How can you improve on it!? Try balling it up and starting over!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

to be honest with u that was terrible, anybody can make a "rap" like that!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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