Hey R&P constructive criticism please?!


Question: Hey R&P constructive criticism please!?
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Now what do you think i should add, take away from this poem!?
All opinions welcome!.!.

I want to live life like anarchy
because i just dont care anymore
people with their heads up their asses
thinking they know me and all of my imperfections!.
But the sad thing is
they are all right!.

And it burns like fire,
foul words filled to the brim with sin!.
They etch themselves into my heart
and theres no medication for that kind of pain!.
its a new level of heartburn!.

Curious stares,
as i bleed at the feet of insanity!.
as my whole world cracks and crumbles under the pressure
of perfection!.

An embrace from the warm arms of sorrow
pulling me farther and farther into the darkness
that lies behind my flawed eyes!.
and i give into the welcoming kiss
of life beyond life
escaping into the cool bliss of ignorance!.Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
first stanza: makes NO sense, you talk about wanting to live a solitary life b/c people are judging you and then you say they're right about you!?

second stanza: you're bitchin about stuff that apparently hurt so much yet you never mentioned it!?

third stanza: now you're talking about people expecting perfection from you!? where did this come from!?

fourth stanza: and now you kill yourself for sweet relief from the "problem" not even described yet!?

yes the imagery's good, but the song has zero meaning b/c the problems not even clearWww@Enter-QA@Com

i agree with 'wannabe alice in fantasy land'!.!.!. that "heartburn" line doesn't seem to fit with the rest!. it's all great imagery and suddenly i'm thinking of indigestion!.!.!. it was the only bit i didn't like, the rest was great! i think poetry is extremely difficult to pull off well!. nice one! Www@Enter-QA@Com

can i use your poem in my myspace about me section!? ill give you credit of course!. it fits my mood and i liked it!.

please!.

thanks ill just use your answers name until you give your real one so i can put an authorWww@Enter-QA@Com

To be perfectly honest I loved it!. Your imagery was fantastic your descriptions great!. I really loved it!. Www@Enter-QA@Com

Take away "its a new level of heartburn"!.
I don't think it meshes well with the poem!.


Your a really good writer, i really connected with it!.!.!.?Www@Enter-QA@Com

It doesn't really flow together, it's kind of just different things all put togetherWww@Enter-QA@Com

It is all good!. It is not often that I find a poem that I like!. Good job!Www@Enter-QA@Com

Good god that is amazing!!!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com



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