How to do you like rap/poem? rate 1-10?!


Question: How to do you like rap/poem!? rate 1-10!?
this is my first 16 bar that i did in months!. i was busy playing pokemon believe it or not!. my skills are kind of rusty right now!. not as good as before!. i hope this rap is a good start!.

People who dared to diss me got scared and piss
They prepare a list suicidal to therapist
Thet stating that I'm Saten who's lyrically gifted
When I kill a MC, they get miracle-ly lifted
I have a mental head who's being metal feed
My dentals devil red eating sharp pencil lead
Cause I love to eat word and spit back leet verbs
To teach nerds to observe how absurb to reach herbs
And I make fakers butts f@cked by the raper's struts
Causing bookworms emo making them do papercuts
And I cause hurricanes, heating the words in seas
Breaking thermometer, defeating the mercury
And this is the end, I'll rhyme with a shock
I'll shine at my block at the right time of the clock
Mushrooms enlighten with atomic bombs ignited
Cause my doomsday time has the hands of my palms collided Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
You gotta stop trying to RHYME so heavily!. Its obvious you've got bars!.

Rhyme has to be subtle

i!.e!. NaS on "It aint hard to tell"

"It aint hard to tell, I excel then prevail, The mic is contracted, I attract clientele"

or Jay Z on "moment of clarity"

"Truth be told, Id probably be, Lyrically, Talib Kweli, Truthfully i wanna rhyme like common sense, I did 5 mics, i aint been rhyming like common sense, when your sense got that much in common and you've been hustling since, your inception **** perception, go with what makes sense"

Subtle rhymes!. Its almost as if you're just trying to cram every sentence with as much rhymes as possible!. I!.e!. Twista >_>!.

Or try some wordplay!. Make plays on words to complement your lyrical content

i!.e!. Elzhi on "someone as real as her" "Shes very fly like taking a flight, Shes not Plain(Plane), Shes eccentric"

I only make beats, but i know what flows well with rap!.

Try listening to some great MC's and pick up tendencies in their flow!.

Oh and i rate it about a 5/6!. Theres definitely something thereWww@Enter-QA@Com

i listen to a lot of rap and man this needs some work!. i think you are trying to work too much on flow and not on content!. content to me has a whole lot more to do with any song!. i'll give you a 3!.

a lot of it didn't make too much sense!. get a topic and stick to itWww@Enter-QA@Com

dude!.!.!. i write raps and my baby brother writes better than you!.!.!. i would give him a 2 but i give you a 0 you suck!Www@Enter-QA@Com

I'd give u a 6, your rhymes are very vivid and with some nice beats that would be a pretty tight flow!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

5-6Www@Enter-QA@Com

lol!.
umm i can see that u had better talent b4!.

3/10Www@Enter-QA@Com



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