Song needs mega condensing and a title?!
Question: Song needs mega condensing and a title!?
just seems so long tell me if im wrong but i just dont want it to be so long it get boring
the song is actually a song about a man who falls in love with a prostitute and wins her heart then after the"re married and have kids she begins to cheat on him but he still loves her then one day she doesnt come home and is gone for over a year then one day he sees her about to be sold (this is meant to be set back in around biblical times when you could actually buy a wife/lover) and he sees her in the line and runs home and sells all his possessions to buy her back and tells her she can stay or she can l;eave but he couldnt see her live then die in that state and she ends up staying
so here are the actual lyricas
standing on a corner day by day
waiting for her lustful pay
started walking up
don't know what to say
except that shes gonna be
mine someday
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
sitting in my grace
my welcome bliss
finally got her to myself
never gonna let her go
gonna love my life
with my children and my wife
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
times goes by
she out by night and back by day
wears herself the same
as our meeting day
but still i cant let her go
oh please god there must be a way
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
a scream calls out
blood drips from her mouth
comfort her home with open arms
just the same theres open doors
and still day by day
in and out they go
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
she gone away my life alone
ill raise my child in this broken home
but then what did i hear
the call of an actionear
she stands there with the slaves
as someone attempts to buy
her to her grave
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
sold everything i have
ran back down gave it all
took her by the hand told my kids
moms coming home
told she could go or stay
just couldn't see her die that way
shes still here today
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
and still i love her
(any comments/criticizing/improvements are welcome) Www@Enter-QA@Com
the song is actually a song about a man who falls in love with a prostitute and wins her heart then after the"re married and have kids she begins to cheat on him but he still loves her then one day she doesnt come home and is gone for over a year then one day he sees her about to be sold (this is meant to be set back in around biblical times when you could actually buy a wife/lover) and he sees her in the line and runs home and sells all his possessions to buy her back and tells her she can stay or she can l;eave but he couldnt see her live then die in that state and she ends up staying
so here are the actual lyricas
standing on a corner day by day
waiting for her lustful pay
started walking up
don't know what to say
except that shes gonna be
mine someday
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
sitting in my grace
my welcome bliss
finally got her to myself
never gonna let her go
gonna love my life
with my children and my wife
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
times goes by
she out by night and back by day
wears herself the same
as our meeting day
but still i cant let her go
oh please god there must be a way
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
a scream calls out
blood drips from her mouth
comfort her home with open arms
just the same theres open doors
and still day by day
in and out they go
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
she gone away my life alone
ill raise my child in this broken home
but then what did i hear
the call of an actionear
she stands there with the slaves
as someone attempts to buy
her to her grave
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
sold everything i have
ran back down gave it all
took her by the hand told my kids
moms coming home
told she could go or stay
just couldn't see her die that way
shes still here today
she decks herself
in rings and jewels
and meets her lover
and me she forgot
and still i cant even try to lie
ill love her till the end of time
and still i love her
(any comments/criticizing/improvements are welcome) Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Ok here is what I came up with by condensing your poem and adding some of mine!. hope you like it!. The title!.!.!.
A Wasted Heart
Standing on her corner day by day
watching her work for her lustful pay
not quite sure what I should say
I just know she’ll be
mine someday!.
Decking herself
with rings and jewels
to meet her endless line of fools
forgetting that she even knows
that I cant even try to lie
this is real, I’ll love her till the day I die!.
As days and hours slip by so fast
each day she tries to live her past
wearing the very same array
as the day we met, that very first day
I cant let her go, oh God
There must be a way
Wedding Bells by Gods grace alone
a welcomed bliss to all unknown
She is mine at last and I wont let go
gonna love this wife
till her pain wont show
Decking herself
with rings and jewels
to meet her endless line of fools
forgetting that she even knows
that I cant even try to lie
this is real, I’ll love her till the day I die!.
I gave it my all, no more to say
took her hand- said to go or stay
but I wouldn't watch you die this way
then came that horrid dreadful day
I heard the scream, and now she’s gone
and I’ll raise our child in our broken home
Sold everything I have but we’ll get by
Alone in the dark, for days I cry,
I told my child mamas going home
she’s going home today
No more pain, no more lines,
It’s there she’s going to stay
But in the dark when all is still
When hope fades as I know it will,
I still can see her as she used to be
As if she never belonged to me!.
Decking herself
with rings and jewels
to meet her endless line of fools
forgetting that she even knows
that I cant even try to lie
this is real, and now I know
I’ll love her till the day I die!.
hope you like it!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Wasted Heart
Standing on her corner day by day
watching her work for her lustful pay
not quite sure what I should say
I just know she’ll be
mine someday!.
Decking herself
with rings and jewels
to meet her endless line of fools
forgetting that she even knows
that I cant even try to lie
this is real, I’ll love her till the day I die!.
As days and hours slip by so fast
each day she tries to live her past
wearing the very same array
as the day we met, that very first day
I cant let her go, oh God
There must be a way
Wedding Bells by Gods grace alone
a welcomed bliss to all unknown
She is mine at last and I wont let go
gonna love this wife
till her pain wont show
Decking herself
with rings and jewels
to meet her endless line of fools
forgetting that she even knows
that I cant even try to lie
this is real, I’ll love her till the day I die!.
I gave it my all, no more to say
took her hand- said to go or stay
but I wouldn't watch you die this way
then came that horrid dreadful day
I heard the scream, and now she’s gone
and I’ll raise our child in our broken home
Sold everything I have but we’ll get by
Alone in the dark, for days I cry,
I told my child mamas going home
she’s going home today
No more pain, no more lines,
It’s there she’s going to stay
But in the dark when all is still
When hope fades as I know it will,
I still can see her as she used to be
As if she never belonged to me!.
Decking herself
with rings and jewels
to meet her endless line of fools
forgetting that she even knows
that I cant even try to lie
this is real, and now I know
I’ll love her till the day I die!.
hope you like it!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
How can I describe it!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Wow thats really effing good!. I'm not just being nice either!. Dude, you've got serious talent, don't change it at all!.
Is it rap!? I hate rap, but I love this song!. Omg wow, your great!.
Haha, it sent shivers down my back
Good job dude :]]Www@Enter-QA@Com
Is it rap!? I hate rap, but I love this song!. Omg wow, your great!.
Haha, it sent shivers down my back
Good job dude :]]Www@Enter-QA@Com