My first attempt on writing a rap!
Question: My first attempt on writing a rap
I dont know if i am any good so theres only one way to find out!.!.!.!. dont be afraid to be brutally honest as long as its constructive critisim!.!.!.!. (dont worry if i suck i wont bother to post a new one for a while)
Early in the morning alarms ringing
Singing is the first thing I hear
Wake up and get ready for the day
Clouds are Grey im left in dismay
What a horrible day here in BK USA
Go to work same old ****
The world gives you nothing you have to take it
On my way back I have the same old thoughts racing through my head
Why don’t I quit, split and spit my rhymes
Chase my dreams and try to get signed
I’m so caught up in my thoughts
That when the bus stops
I forget to get off I head go far
Its bizarre how it happens everyday
Now I have to walk all this way
I get time to think about my life…
Maybe how I would have turned out if my father would have stayed
I would be playing ball and getting paid
But that didn’t happen, he left my life, and his wife without a good-bye
I remember that day…
all my mom did was cry…even a tear fell down my out of my eye
I remember at school I always denied that my father left
When someone would ask me I’d simply reply
“he went on a business trip to Hawaii”
Then I remember the day he died
We got a letter and inside it said
He was drunk driving in his ride
When suddenly two cars collided…
Then I decided that wouldn’t be my life
I’d be there for my son all my life
I’d do my best to provide for him all he needs
I would make sure he follows his dreams
Id give him the encourgement that he needs
To succeed in society today in the US of A
But them I remember what was good about my father
How he taught me useful lessons in life
Like how to hold my own in a fight
He taught me if they don’t give respect you have to take it
Nothing ever comes free in this society!.
I arrive home and my head isn’t clear
I put a on my headphones and I disappear
I put away all my problems!.!.!. I go out with some friends
When I get back the clock reads 1:10…
I go to sleep and awake the next day wondering where my mind will take me todayWww@Enter-QA@Com
Early in the morning alarms ringing
Singing is the first thing I hear
Wake up and get ready for the day
Clouds are Grey im left in dismay
What a horrible day here in BK USA
Go to work same old ****
The world gives you nothing you have to take it
On my way back I have the same old thoughts racing through my head
Why don’t I quit, split and spit my rhymes
Chase my dreams and try to get signed
I’m so caught up in my thoughts
That when the bus stops
I forget to get off I head go far
Its bizarre how it happens everyday
Now I have to walk all this way
I get time to think about my life…
Maybe how I would have turned out if my father would have stayed
I would be playing ball and getting paid
But that didn’t happen, he left my life, and his wife without a good-bye
I remember that day…
all my mom did was cry…even a tear fell down my out of my eye
I remember at school I always denied that my father left
When someone would ask me I’d simply reply
“he went on a business trip to Hawaii”
Then I remember the day he died
We got a letter and inside it said
He was drunk driving in his ride
When suddenly two cars collided…
Then I decided that wouldn’t be my life
I’d be there for my son all my life
I’d do my best to provide for him all he needs
I would make sure he follows his dreams
Id give him the encourgement that he needs
To succeed in society today in the US of A
But them I remember what was good about my father
How he taught me useful lessons in life
Like how to hold my own in a fight
He taught me if they don’t give respect you have to take it
Nothing ever comes free in this society!.
I arrive home and my head isn’t clear
I put a on my headphones and I disappear
I put away all my problems!.!.!. I go out with some friends
When I get back the clock reads 1:10…
I go to sleep and awake the next day wondering where my mind will take me todayWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
its pretty dope, im not gonna lie, i didnt read the whole thing, i read the first 10-12 lines then just skimmed thru the rest,
but i like how u didnt try to force every line to rhyme, alot of people make that mistake and its no good
8/10Www@Enter-QA@Com
but i like how u didnt try to force every line to rhyme, alot of people make that mistake and its no good
8/10Www@Enter-QA@Com
You are actually good!. I would sign you man but work on your rhyming!. I started out on raps like this then over time my rhyming inproved!. All I got to say is keep writing make about 10 rhymes a day and you will inprove!.
I'll give you a 6/10 right now you did good at a first attempt!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I'll give you a 6/10 right now you did good at a first attempt!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
thats actually really good! :]
PLEASE ANSWER MINE!
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
PLEASE ANSWER MINE!
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
i giv it a 7!. pretty good for a first timer!. try to incorporate larger words to rhyme and you've got some potential!. also i like how it flowed!. very nice!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
its actuallly pretty good!.&yu realy do hav potentialWww@Enter-QA@Com
im not like a rap expert but it reminds me of 8 mile by eminem
and i liked itWww@Enter-QA@Com
and i liked itWww@Enter-QA@Com
I like your words, it's REAL!. But your voice has to be working it too, or it's no go!. Good luck!. :]Www@Enter-QA@Com
that shits good!. keep the work up and youll go somewhere Www@Enter-QA@Com
That's a pretty good first attempt!. Congrats broWww@Enter-QA@Com
Where is the rhyming part!. None of it dose!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I had a hard time finding a rhythm or rhymes!. Perhaps show your bars!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
**** dude, you have some potential!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
long but coolWww@Enter-QA@Com
cuteWww@Enter-QA@Com
dude keep it up!.!.nice workWww@Enter-QA@Com
haha it's ok i guessWww@Enter-QA@Com
deep
reminds me of eminem
good though
watch these
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=7osp1EK4d!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=KPs1H36n7!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=a3sKxkaoO!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
reminds me of eminem
good though
watch these
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=7osp1EK4d!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=KPs1H36n7!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=a3sKxkaoO!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Very nice for a first attempt! Well done!. Keep working on it and you could be a great MC!. If you ever need a producer, hit me up!.
M!.V!.N- The Mad Geek
(Remember that I offered-- One day you'll be proud to tell people that! ;-))Www@Enter-QA@Com
M!.V!.N- The Mad Geek
(Remember that I offered-- One day you'll be proud to tell people that! ;-))Www@Enter-QA@Com