Can you give constructive criticism on these lyrics?!
Question: Can you give constructive criticism on these lyrics!?
i been homeless, jobless, phone-less, godless
stole sh--t and pawned it, told kids of carnage
and i still can't get enough to go to college
not knockin' patience!.!.!.but i run quick, like walter payton
cause my life's tough sh--t!.!.!. like constipation
i'm walkin, pace'n,
muttering allahu akbar!.!.!.
sitting in the back of a mutherfuck'n cop car
that's how it be when you fall on some rough times
like havin a dutchmast but not enough blunt grinds
come find me blowin greens in san diego
barely able, to stare and gaze through
the beer goggles!.!.!.that this mickey induced
let the deuce deuce match fine with the bass line of the juice crew
i'm proof to!.!.!.
anyone who thought rhymes couldn't sound as fine as they used toWww@Enter-QA@Com
stole sh--t and pawned it, told kids of carnage
and i still can't get enough to go to college
not knockin' patience!.!.!.but i run quick, like walter payton
cause my life's tough sh--t!.!.!. like constipation
i'm walkin, pace'n,
muttering allahu akbar!.!.!.
sitting in the back of a mutherfuck'n cop car
that's how it be when you fall on some rough times
like havin a dutchmast but not enough blunt grinds
come find me blowin greens in san diego
barely able, to stare and gaze through
the beer goggles!.!.!.that this mickey induced
let the deuce deuce match fine with the bass line of the juice crew
i'm proof to!.!.!.
anyone who thought rhymes couldn't sound as fine as they used toWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
I"d give you a 7!. I like the lyrics, you seem talented!. However I think the phrases "mickey" and "deuce deuce" just seem!.!.!.old to me!. Like, rappers always said "deuce deuce" 10 years ago!. You know what I mean!?
edit- I totally get what you're saying about liking old rhymes, and I actually like that now that I see what you were trying to do!. But!.!.!.its kind of hard to figure out what you meant!.!.!.!.have you considered putting the line (or a similar one) "anyone who thought rhymes couldnt sound as fine as they used to" BEFORE you put the lines will the old-school lingo!? That way people will know right away why you included them!. Just a suggestion
EDIT- Cool!. Just play around with it!. Even if you dont change it, it's still good!. congratsWww@Enter-QA@Com
edit- I totally get what you're saying about liking old rhymes, and I actually like that now that I see what you were trying to do!. But!.!.!.its kind of hard to figure out what you meant!.!.!.!.have you considered putting the line (or a similar one) "anyone who thought rhymes couldnt sound as fine as they used to" BEFORE you put the lines will the old-school lingo!? That way people will know right away why you included them!. Just a suggestion
EDIT- Cool!. Just play around with it!. Even if you dont change it, it's still good!. congratsWww@Enter-QA@Com
I read this to the instrumental to the Game's westside story!. I like the lyrics, and it's pretty solid, but on your walter payton line through your constipation line it seems like the flow changed up a bit!. Might just be the instrumental but, good ****!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ima give you a 8!.5/10!. That was real good!. Criticism----- clean it up!. move some lines around and make it longer!. Put a beat together and post it with your revision so I can get the tempo!. Sometimes it dont look right on paper but when you got the beat, you get the lyrics!. Its real good and keep it upWww@Enter-QA@Com
7/10
its not bad at all, but the rhyme scheme seems a lil bit off!. if you were gonna put this to a beat, you will have to modify it a lil bit, like work on bars 3 and 5!.
Overall though, not bad at allWww@Enter-QA@Com
its not bad at all, but the rhyme scheme seems a lil bit off!. if you were gonna put this to a beat, you will have to modify it a lil bit, like work on bars 3 and 5!.
Overall though, not bad at allWww@Enter-QA@Com
You have great lyrics
I give you a!.!.!.8!.5/10
Constructive Criticism>>>Keep working on it!. If you really take pride in your work, start making more out of it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I give you a!.!.!.8!.5/10
Constructive Criticism>>>Keep working on it!. If you really take pride in your work, start making more out of it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
comparative to what is usually posted on here >youre good,
with some work i think u could def write some quality joints!.!.!.!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
with some work i think u could def write some quality joints!.!.!.!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
i love lyrics i can relate to and the first few bars are on point!. ima give it a 8 1/2!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
i thought it was pretty good !.!.!.!. plus your from the 619 !!! 8!.5 / 10Www@Enter-QA@Com
i like it !. 8/10Www@Enter-QA@Com
Hahahaa!!
Definitely like 7-8/10
Those lyrics are genius!.!.!.at least they were with the beat !?I put behind it!.
And they rhyme =DWww@Enter-QA@Com
Definitely like 7-8/10
Those lyrics are genius!.!.!.at least they were with the beat !?I put behind it!.
And they rhyme =DWww@Enter-QA@Com