PLEASE GIVE LYRIC ADVICe!!?!
Question: PLEASE GIVE LYRIC ADVICe!!!?
ok the inspiration is from an uncle i never met, who pretty much lived my dream!.
but i left the lyrics open to your own interpretation so it means more to YOU!.
feedback please, help on rhymes, any suggestions are welcome
and im 14, and this is my 1st song ive written!.
BE HONEST
I dont know
where to go
i see whats right
for tonight
underneath
cloaks of misery
we can see the light
for tonight
what are we
dreamers, destiny
all in spite
for tonight
we all know
our lives are bound to go
the real truth bites
for tonight
you lie there dead
eyes open on your head
i capture fright
for tonight
bullets blaze on by
you lay there, cry BRIDGE
screams all around
human hunting grounds
a kiss goodbye
see you in the sky
life is over, night
for tonight
ok well thanksWww@Enter-QA@Com
but i left the lyrics open to your own interpretation so it means more to YOU!.
feedback please, help on rhymes, any suggestions are welcome
and im 14, and this is my 1st song ive written!.
BE HONEST
I dont know
where to go
i see whats right
for tonight
underneath
cloaks of misery
we can see the light
for tonight
what are we
dreamers, destiny
all in spite
for tonight
we all know
our lives are bound to go
the real truth bites
for tonight
you lie there dead
eyes open on your head
i capture fright
for tonight
bullets blaze on by
you lay there, cry BRIDGE
screams all around
human hunting grounds
a kiss goodbye
see you in the sky
life is over, night
for tonight
ok well thanksWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Not bad for your age!. Some advice I would give, is to increase the words in each line!. Some multiple lines you have would go well together as a single sentence in each line!. Not only does this make it flow better, but gives you more room to add more stuff in!
***An example:
"I dont know
where to go
i see whats right
for tonight
underneath
cloaks of misery
we can see the light
for tonight"
***Change this to:
"I dont know where to go,
i see whats right,
only tonight
underneath our cloaks of misery,
we can see the light
just for tonight"
Combining sentences, plus changing, or even adding some small words can help it out!Www@Enter-QA@Com
***An example:
"I dont know
where to go
i see whats right
for tonight
underneath
cloaks of misery
we can see the light
for tonight"
***Change this to:
"I dont know where to go,
i see whats right,
only tonight
underneath our cloaks of misery,
we can see the light
just for tonight"
Combining sentences, plus changing, or even adding some small words can help it out!Www@Enter-QA@Com
wow thats amazing! im only thirteen so i didn think anyone even close to my age was capable of that crazy good writing! jeez you should record it and send it to me;]]Www@Enter-QA@Com