What do you think of my lyrics(no song to it)?!


Question: What do you think of my lyrics(no song to it)!?
Please be honest

As I look into the light
And begin my fight
With all the struggles
And all the troubles

As I slowly fall apart
I can see this is the start
As I go through all this pain
I cant see any gain

Then I think of all my friends
And all the people who care more
And then I realize what I am without them
And I know I got a lot to live for

As I think about the truth
With me and all of you
As I think about my life
And all of the awful advice

As I wonder what lies ahead
Every night as I go to bed
I think about the rest
I think about this test

Then I think of all my friends
And all the people who care more
And then I realize what I am without them
And I know I got a lot to live for


Please star

RIP BOBBY MURCERWww@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
it was really sweet! i don't mean to sound like a little girl as a Nsync concert, but that was really really good!. the rhyming was great and you actually wrote about something that mean a lot to you, right!? i give you a five star critique!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

If you have no idea what it means, then I don't either!.

"I can't see any gain" could stand to be rewritten!.!.!.!. "I've lost all that I gained" for instance!. Likewise with the fourth stanza!. "With me and all of you" rolls of the tongue, but it doesn't mean anything the way you use it!.

Not bad, could use some work though if you want it to make sense and fit properly into a poetic form!.

No star!. Asking someone to star your question is a violation of Y!A community guidelines!.


SaulWww@Enter-QA@Com

haha well im playin around with a guitar riff right now, if it comes out good ill send you an audio file and see if it works with your lyrics :)

EDIT: Sorry I was a little excited, I forgot to mention that I thought it was good!. I f you really get into it go back and revise a tad, you know, make it really you!. Of course, it was probably just something for fun!. But it was still cool!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I love the meaning behind your song and believe it could help a lot of people!. You have a talent there - well done!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I like it!. If you want to become better, learn to write more interesting situations and grow a bigger vocabulary!. Still very good though!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

It's nice!:)
I like this part:

Then I think of all my friends
And all the people who care more
And then I realize what I am without them
And I know I got a lot to live forWww@Enter-QA@Com

It was pretty good, though it could use more work and emotion to it!. I expected a different ending but I still liked it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

You could go deeper with the lyrics than this, but I guess you need to practice more for that!.!.
It's good though, I like it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I like it!.
Some parts rhyme!Www@Enter-QA@Com

You got potential Dude!. Not half bad at all!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

you are being creative, and that's what counts

*star*Www@Enter-QA@Com



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