Tell me. are these lyrics any good?!
Question: Tell me!. are these lyrics any good!?
I haven't thought of a rythm or anything yet but i was just wondering if I got anything good on my hands!.
any helpful advice would be appreciated!. (even from haters i guess!.)
why do you bother to tell me something when the next minute you deny that you ever said anything at all!?
The human mind is a terrible thing to waste!. Unless the mind that was wasted was just garbage to begin with!. I suggest that you take some time to realize that you are on the breaking point of becoming an inferrior being of existance and that to say one thing and then deny that it ever existed is Blasphemy against God, Mother Nature, and all that is Right In The World!. Don't let your brain's strings be pulled by trying to be the Best!. Just be Happy with What You Have!.
unless you have logical evidence behind your claim of Infallibility I suggest you take a number, sit down, and actually Listen to what the people around you have to say!.
your not a man your just a machine!.
a puppet, no master, just tangled up strings!.
that pull at your limbs as they tie into knots!.
there caught up in work but your family is not!.
your workers have left you and your stove blackens hard
like the melody of the devil as he plays his guitar!.
what left do you have to hold!? what left is there to grasp!?
the past is broken shadows like shattered bloody glass!.
the heavens slowly open as your face crumbles swollen from the
fires of your workers eyes, your children,
their humble I hope you know!.
they drag you away in a coffin you scream but out comes nothing as you
sink to the bottom of lake Erie also known as
lake tomorrow!.
with their fussing
and their whining
and their annoying hateful crying
all they ever do is drown you in complaints that your never there!.
whats so wrong with working 70 hours a week!?
I mean you gotta buy those bastards some crap they'll never need!.
like food that YOU want and furniture that YOU want
trust me, they'll will bow down to you because of this stuff they never asked for!.
they think that they know everything
that everything you say is wrong!.
because no matter what you say or do
their resistance is always strong!.
All you wanted to ever do was
just show them the world is cold!.
that dreams are delusional and that hope is a lie!.
it's better to do what your told!.
But big brother is here
so there's no need to fear!
because soon time will act
and all will be forgotten!.
their hopes
and their dreams
which will never be seen
sit buried in a graveyard full of the lost and the fallen!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
any helpful advice would be appreciated!. (even from haters i guess!.)
why do you bother to tell me something when the next minute you deny that you ever said anything at all!?
The human mind is a terrible thing to waste!. Unless the mind that was wasted was just garbage to begin with!. I suggest that you take some time to realize that you are on the breaking point of becoming an inferrior being of existance and that to say one thing and then deny that it ever existed is Blasphemy against God, Mother Nature, and all that is Right In The World!. Don't let your brain's strings be pulled by trying to be the Best!. Just be Happy with What You Have!.
unless you have logical evidence behind your claim of Infallibility I suggest you take a number, sit down, and actually Listen to what the people around you have to say!.
your not a man your just a machine!.
a puppet, no master, just tangled up strings!.
that pull at your limbs as they tie into knots!.
there caught up in work but your family is not!.
your workers have left you and your stove blackens hard
like the melody of the devil as he plays his guitar!.
what left do you have to hold!? what left is there to grasp!?
the past is broken shadows like shattered bloody glass!.
the heavens slowly open as your face crumbles swollen from the
fires of your workers eyes, your children,
their humble I hope you know!.
they drag you away in a coffin you scream but out comes nothing as you
sink to the bottom of lake Erie also known as
lake tomorrow!.
with their fussing
and their whining
and their annoying hateful crying
all they ever do is drown you in complaints that your never there!.
whats so wrong with working 70 hours a week!?
I mean you gotta buy those bastards some crap they'll never need!.
like food that YOU want and furniture that YOU want
trust me, they'll will bow down to you because of this stuff they never asked for!.
they think that they know everything
that everything you say is wrong!.
because no matter what you say or do
their resistance is always strong!.
All you wanted to ever do was
just show them the world is cold!.
that dreams are delusional and that hope is a lie!.
it's better to do what your told!.
But big brother is here
so there's no need to fear!
because soon time will act
and all will be forgotten!.
their hopes
and their dreams
which will never be seen
sit buried in a graveyard full of the lost and the fallen!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Hmm!. I think I get the basic idea, but it's a little bit too much as it stands!. I would suggest paring it down a bit - keep your topic a little more consistent and focused!.
I don't like the opening paragraph thing!. It doesn't say anything !.!.!. evocatively!. Poetically!. That and invoking the wrath of God against someone who says they never said something they actually did say is !.!.!. I dunno!. Kinda overkill!? I mean, if God exists I'm sure he's not all that happy about those kinda people, but I'm sure he's more concerned with Catholic priests and mass murderers!.
I didn't get some of what you said!.!.!. "soon time will act", for instance!. I'm sure it means something, but I have no clue what!.
"the bottom of Lake Eerie also known as !.!.!." could probably stand to be rewritten - tightened up a little bit, reworded!.
Is there a different way you could say those couple've lines after "annoying hateful crying"!? It doesn't flow!.
The "stove blackens hard" sounds good, but I think the line after it, with the devil's guitar and whatnot, could be a little better!. I don't like to use the word "like"!.!.!. it's too obvious!. The analogy doesn't really work in this case, either, but whatever!.
I'm big on structure - having a certain number of syllables per line, having some basic rhyming scheme, etc!. This helps lay a foundation for emphasizing the message of the song!.
Rhyming does make an impact on how we receive a song, but I would suggest keeping your rhyming as natural as possible - never try and force a rhyme!. I'm thinking particularly of "that everything you say is wrong!.!.!. their resistance is always strong" when I say that!. Try and have a natural, flowing manner to what you're writing - one way to do this is to have someone who's never read the piece to read it back to you out loud!. Hearing it from someone else's POV can help diagnose how well it flows!.
I like that last stanza!. A little bleak, but powerful!.
I do acknowledge that I am reading these lyrics as if they were poetry!. I do feel that the best lyrics are also poetic, but this is certainly not always the case!. Sometimes poor grammar makes for great lyrics, and I guess the final rule is if it works, it works!.
Anyways, the preceding has been my opinion!. I hope it helped a bit!. It's hard, as I said, because the best way to judge if lyrics work or not is to sing them, and since I can't hear you sing them!.!.!.
SaulWww@Enter-QA@Com
I don't like the opening paragraph thing!. It doesn't say anything !.!.!. evocatively!. Poetically!. That and invoking the wrath of God against someone who says they never said something they actually did say is !.!.!. I dunno!. Kinda overkill!? I mean, if God exists I'm sure he's not all that happy about those kinda people, but I'm sure he's more concerned with Catholic priests and mass murderers!.
I didn't get some of what you said!.!.!. "soon time will act", for instance!. I'm sure it means something, but I have no clue what!.
"the bottom of Lake Eerie also known as !.!.!." could probably stand to be rewritten - tightened up a little bit, reworded!.
Is there a different way you could say those couple've lines after "annoying hateful crying"!? It doesn't flow!.
The "stove blackens hard" sounds good, but I think the line after it, with the devil's guitar and whatnot, could be a little better!. I don't like to use the word "like"!.!.!. it's too obvious!. The analogy doesn't really work in this case, either, but whatever!.
I'm big on structure - having a certain number of syllables per line, having some basic rhyming scheme, etc!. This helps lay a foundation for emphasizing the message of the song!.
Rhyming does make an impact on how we receive a song, but I would suggest keeping your rhyming as natural as possible - never try and force a rhyme!. I'm thinking particularly of "that everything you say is wrong!.!.!. their resistance is always strong" when I say that!. Try and have a natural, flowing manner to what you're writing - one way to do this is to have someone who's never read the piece to read it back to you out loud!. Hearing it from someone else's POV can help diagnose how well it flows!.
I like that last stanza!. A little bleak, but powerful!.
I do acknowledge that I am reading these lyrics as if they were poetry!. I do feel that the best lyrics are also poetic, but this is certainly not always the case!. Sometimes poor grammar makes for great lyrics, and I guess the final rule is if it works, it works!.
Anyways, the preceding has been my opinion!. I hope it helped a bit!. It's hard, as I said, because the best way to judge if lyrics work or not is to sing them, and since I can't hear you sing them!.!.!.
SaulWww@Enter-QA@Com
What do you want the message to be for the Listeners!? What do you want them to think about after your song!? Do you want it to be happy or sad!. It's your choice!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
wow those are REALLY good!=] it be a cool rock/alternative/screamo song like silverstein's songs =]Www@Enter-QA@Com
These are AMAZING !
I Love themm ! I actually don't know what to say!.
I would love to here them to a rythm sometime though !
Keep them comming!. I love reading lyrics & I look forward to reading more of yours ! (:Www@Enter-QA@Com
I Love themm ! I actually don't know what to say!.
I would love to here them to a rythm sometime though !
Keep them comming!. I love reading lyrics & I look forward to reading more of yours ! (:Www@Enter-QA@Com
eh!. (makes little hand wavey so-so motion) they're alright!. they need work!. definitely need work!. and music!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
noWww@Enter-QA@Com
Nice lyrics!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I actually liked it!. The paragraph in the beginning was a little much, but other than that I loved it!Www@Enter-QA@Com