Do you like this song and poem i wrote?!


Question: Why the hell am i standin here as the world goes bye?
Why the hell do i wanna cry?
What is the point?
This is all your fault

You killed me in my sleep
You thought it would help
But know i miss you
And there is no way back

Thr blood from my arms is on the floor
The door is open
The window's shut
I hate you
You made me cry

Why the hell am i alive today?
You stabbed me in the heart
I told you not to do it
And i hope you say sorry
Cause you know what i feel
And this is goodbye for now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ --- POEM
He's gone
Your sad
Someone to talk to
Understood
He's comin back
Happy again
Lonely again


Answers: Why the hell am i standin here as the world goes bye?
Why the hell do i wanna cry?
What is the point?
This is all your fault

You killed me in my sleep
You thought it would help
But know i miss you
And there is no way back

Thr blood from my arms is on the floor
The door is open
The window's shut
I hate you
You made me cry

Why the hell am i alive today?
You stabbed me in the heart
I told you not to do it
And i hope you say sorry
Cause you know what i feel
And this is goodbye for now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ --- POEM
He's gone
Your sad
Someone to talk to
Understood
He's comin back
Happy again
Lonely again

I LOVED the song! My only suggestions are:

- make it longer (it's really good, I genuinely want to hear more)
- add a few more verses

As for the poem, it sounds sort of bittersweet, like a cliff hanger. I like it, but it confuses me. Does it mean the guy keeps leaving you? Or he keeps coming back then leaving? I hope you can tell me. But anyway, you're definitely good at this!!!

Yeah It's Good.
Keep Writing
:)

I like your hair

too emo.
I have my own depresing life to cry about, try cheering me up next time

Very depressing....

Its good, but i would suggest either giving a little more detail, using symbolism or better imagery.. exaggerate it, it makes it more interesting

You have real talent
:)

Thats REEAAALLLY good!! keep on writing dude! rock on =P!

it drips emo, but its not too bad

aww i like it!!
keep writing? you have talent!

yea it's good keep writing maybe you'll be famous

Great taste of writing style, good expression.

hm...man are you EMO?

lyrics is very EMO. hm...in contrast i'd put sond title "are you ALIVE YET"?

That was very sad but pretty good to me. it sounds a little bit familiar to me though, but still good. i think that it might win an award in a talent show though. you have potential.:)



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