What do you think about this song i wrote? SUGGESTIONS && OPINIONS PLEASE :)?!


Question: Daylight be my guide,
so does night mean your gone?
Singing this to you
is like breathing under
water,
and it only gets
harder...
So keep a secret
keep me guessing,
your voice is enough
to keep me here...
so keep me here...

meaningless stares
at blank white walls
be my color
you know your neon
in black and white
cause your not just
a face in the crowd

i know you mean well
but its a story half finished,
have you even started?
im sitting by the phone,
not that your gonna call,
its just the comfort
and im here as i am
...so see me as i
am.

(regrets lead me home
promise you will leave
the lights on...)

im sitting by the phone,
not that your gonna call
its just the comfort
and im here as i am
can you see me as i
am?

meaningless stares
at blank white walls
can you fill it with color?
cause your neon
in black and white,
not just a face in the crowd...

my fingers are shaking
on these frets
cause singing this
to you
is like breathing
under water,
and it only gets harder...


Answers: Daylight be my guide,
so does night mean your gone?
Singing this to you
is like breathing under
water,
and it only gets
harder...
So keep a secret
keep me guessing,
your voice is enough
to keep me here...
so keep me here...

meaningless stares
at blank white walls
be my color
you know your neon
in black and white
cause your not just
a face in the crowd

i know you mean well
but its a story half finished,
have you even started?
im sitting by the phone,
not that your gonna call,
its just the comfort
and im here as i am
...so see me as i
am.

(regrets lead me home
promise you will leave
the lights on...)

im sitting by the phone,
not that your gonna call
its just the comfort
and im here as i am
can you see me as i
am?

meaningless stares
at blank white walls
can you fill it with color?
cause your neon
in black and white,
not just a face in the crowd...

my fingers are shaking
on these frets
cause singing this
to you
is like breathing
under water,
and it only gets harder...

its great
and a title could be
take me as i am
gud luck
:)

Heyy, it could do with a little touching up but it is alright!! I am a musician and i could do something with this if you will let me!!

It sounds like you ramble on drugs

Wow Is very Good! but without Music i don`t understand rythm of this poem.

I wouldn't say it's a ramble on drugs.

If you've seen Family Guy, there's an episode when Stewie gets tan and he thinks he has cancer. As Brian writes down his final words, Stewie talks about a squiggly line. I think your lyrics seem like something you'd write down before you die.

It still has the potential to be a song, so the instrumental part to your lyrics would definitely help if you got that planned out.



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