What do you think of this verse?!
Question: I am a white 13 yearold who has been writing raps for almost 2 years. What do you think of this verse, I wrote it last night.
I first starded rapping because I saw hip hop was dying/
But I love it so much, sometimes I just feel like crying/
Because everyone with skills is 6 feet below/
You know somethings wrong when Snoop aint hard no mo/
So we're all just riding the back of Em and Dre/
But for them retirement is all but one step away/
After them, who are we suposed to listen on the radio every day/
Do you really expect me to listen to Lil Wayne/
Meanwhile guys like MURS can't make it past the underground/
And Lupe Fiasco don't get reconized, but in Chi Town/
what i'm trying to say is lets take advantage of what we got/
Who knows, maybe one day the whole world will be shocked/
When they see hip hop loved just as much as rock/
Lets start right now by looking past biggie and Pac/
Answers: I am a white 13 yearold who has been writing raps for almost 2 years. What do you think of this verse, I wrote it last night.
I first starded rapping because I saw hip hop was dying/
But I love it so much, sometimes I just feel like crying/
Because everyone with skills is 6 feet below/
You know somethings wrong when Snoop aint hard no mo/
So we're all just riding the back of Em and Dre/
But for them retirement is all but one step away/
After them, who are we suposed to listen on the radio every day/
Do you really expect me to listen to Lil Wayne/
Meanwhile guys like MURS can't make it past the underground/
And Lupe Fiasco don't get reconized, but in Chi Town/
what i'm trying to say is lets take advantage of what we got/
Who knows, maybe one day the whole world will be shocked/
When they see hip hop loved just as much as rock/
Lets start right now by looking past biggie and Pac/
THATS NICE !!!! im not lyin thats cool. you know the true hip hop. im 13 too and i cant do that
Good verse, especially for a 13-year old. Who knows, if you keep it up you might be able to get a career in hip-hop.
it was good, had a good message. but change the last line. and find something better to rhyme with dying, don't use crying.
Its straight I mean. u kinda ******* lil wayne n its stupid to rap start off with a rap that kinds as **** for some one. you start early beef u might juss get shoot at lol.. naw but 4 real that juss some little **** thats decient for a kid.
keep "crying" in the 2nd line.....it adds more emotion to it
I wanted to ridicule it, that crying line killed me. But you're thirteen and for a thirteen year old that was decent. I started writing a year ago and I was writing crapper than that so you have potential.
I just wanna say though, don't always assume that by writing stuff that isn't about cars and money etc etc will get you good feedback, you have to think of ways of flipping lines and including concepts. You could write about money and if its deep it'll get you recognition. Sometimes its not about the content, its about how you present it. Think about multis, structure, internals, and even punches, it'll make your writing solid.
Anyway, its a decent verse, once you get better at writing, I have no doubt you'll revisit this and make it doper, because there's a lot of stuff you can do with it. If you want any tips, feel free to ask me =)
I'm with YA RLY, your 13, so I'll give you a pass..It's okay..