How do you leave your yesterdays behind you?!
Question:
How do you leave your yesterdays behind you?
In respects to a sad break up...how do you move on and just leave it all behind? One day i want to hate my ex for all the lies he told and the other days i miss the crap out of him and feel sad for him.
Answers: Sorry this is so long, but I didn't write down the original site. These REALLY helped my daughter get over her ex.
(from SYBD.com)
10 tips to “moving on”
1) Don't try to be their friend - make a "clean break"
Even though it’s hard to "cut contact", it really is TOO hard trying to be someone's "buddy" - when you're wanting more. The time apart actually serves to make you see the relationship for how it really was, and shocking as this may be to you right now, in time you just may realize you don't want to be with them after all!
2) Do erase their telephone number from your mobile phone
As text messaging is such a HUGE thing, you'd be wise to delete their name and number from your mobile phone (and address book) straight away. You may also be able to bar their number from your phone too. Deleting your ex's details will save you phoning or texting at 4am to ask "Why? Why? Why?"
3) Do delete their old emails and their handle from your online "buddy" lists
If you can bring yourself to DELETE all of the old emails between you, then do it. If that seems to drastic, at least put them onto a disc or burn them CD and put them somewhere where you won't be tempted to continually re-read each one over and over. You just end up torturing yourself. Similarly to number two - remove and block them from your buddy lists. I know you think it's a minor offense, even quite harmless, to keep in touch with your ex via email or instant messaging programs, but the only one you're fooling is yourself, analyzing each message they send you. It's an absolute nightmare, why put yourself through all that? In a weird sort of way, keeping in touch electronically is a form of denial. It's a way of staying in the relationship even when the other person isn't physically there anymore.
4) Don't sit around staring at the mementos
Put away the letters, pictures and any personal belongings of your ex. Box them up and put them in a closet or somewhere equally out of sight.
5) Do use a journal or notebook to vent your pain, anger, frustration & so forth
You should never underestimate the power of pouring the words out onto a page. This is even good for men. In fact, it's generally exceptionally good for men, as a lot of men don't have an outlet for their emotions and pain. So, write away, get it all out, then, and this is the most important part, SHRED, TEAR UP, OR BURN what you have written. This will allow you to finally put those feelings to rest.
6) Do spoil yourself
This is something that both men and women can and need to do. Do something so simple as to having a manicure, facial or a massage. Or, maybe purchase that nifty gadget you've had your eye on. Both men and women can also benefit from picking up some new items of clothing that make us feel sexy. We all want to feel attractive. Treat yourself as you would want that someone 'special' to treat you. You're worth it.
7) Change your surroundings
It may sound silly but it's very powerful step that you can take to cleanse the situation and start fresh. Pictures of family and friends who REALLY love you and support you are a very good start. Or you may want to move the furniture around, repaint, or rewallpaper. Anything that will give you that feeling of a “fresh start” can have an amazing affect on your outlook.
8) Don’t think that you’ll never be happy again
If it’s hard to think of yourself ever being happy again without this person, remember this: Only YOU can really make YOU happy. So the trick is to be happy within yourself. Concentrate on all the things you did to make yourself happy BEFORE you were with this person, and DO them.
9) Don't listen to the negative self-talk
When a relationship has ended, there is a tendency slip into negative "self talk" and to worry about so many things: if we will ever be loved again, trust again, or perhaps we worry we are too old, too fat, too dumb or too anything…to ever be happy and fulfilled again. That is highly unlikely, so relax! Dispel thoughts like that immediately and replace them with positive affirmations of your own self worth. Remember, just because this relationship is over, that doesn't mean that you’ll never have another one. You are still you. You are still whole, complete and perfect just as you are and it will do you good to keep reminding yourself of that.
10) Do take charge of your life - the world is your oyster
Get up off the sofa as soon as you can. While some regrouping time is necessary, at some point you should try to get in yourself back in shape and back in the land of the living.
If you've lost a lot of weight (due to that lack of appetite!) then it's time to put it back on - and vice versa. Start eating right and treating your body with the respect it deserves. Go running, walking, biking or to the gym to get the endorphins swimming through you. You'll feel better if you do and you will project that to all you meet.
Use your time to alone to focus on yourself and your own goals in life. You can take a course in cooking, pick up a new hobby or learn seroc dancing - whatever you want. Buy a house, a motorcycle, travel the world, retrain for a new career or go for that promotion. The world is your oyster!
*How to know if our “10 tips” worked
A good gauge to use to see if you are really “over it” is when you have returned to the person you were before “it”. Even though your friends and family have probably been really supportive, depending on how long you’ve spent “down in the dumps”, you should be able to see a difference in your attitude toward yourself, your friends, and your family once you have made a real effort to move on. The difference will be in the WAY you interact with the people who have stuck by you, and how they interact with you. What I mean is that you will ALL feel a sense of relief that you are YOU again. Be sure to thank them for being there for you when you needed them, and then go DO something fun together! Fins something new to do & think about. It just takes time and you have to push yourself. Push yourself to do things, get out, make friends, stay busy. There will be good days and bad days. It is okay to be sad and angry but don't let it dominate or ruin your life. Best to focus on something else. There are many fish in the sea.