Will someone rate my lyrics please?!

Will someone rate my lyrics please?

Here they are:

I'm not done being young.

My parents say I'm a grown up now,
I gotta
Stop playing
Start working
And I'm done, for fun.

And my friends are done with being young
They wanna
Go to bars
And own big cars

But i.. iiii ii... ii

chorus
I wanna play with Barbies and have tea
Parties with my fluffy stuffies
And I need, to be
A young one.

I wanna
Go biking to the cornerstore,
And have a
Slurpee and a bag of nickel candy,
To enjoy.
end of chorus

Playing with Polly Pockets
From Monday to Friday.

Going on camping trips
And get myself dirt-ay...

chous

And after dark
My mom would tuck me in
And read me stories late into the night...
By candlelight.

chorus

And I still got a lotta living to be done
And I still wanna some fun...

And when the oceans go dry
And flying dogs have pie...
I won't be young inside.

I won't rate them , but I will critique them, and quite favorably at that. The song has a definite theme that is nicely developed. It's rhythm and rhyme structure is just inconsistent enough to be interesting and still fall into a verse/chorus melody structure. I also like the two obvious breaks that imply a rhythmic shift, perhaps even a new time signature. The last line might "scan" better as "I may (or "might" depending on whether the hard or soft ending works better with the rhythm and melody) grow old inside."

All in all, this has the makings of a very interesting song.