Do you like this song i wrote?!
Question:
Do you like this song i wrote?
Its about my alchoholic parents and btw i am only 13 so its not great.
Verse 1- I was there on the night, you got into your fight.
The scars they wont heal, as time passes,
but they will let us remember the life that we had.
Refrain- We put our cards on the table, as we were so unable,
to distinguish the lies, from the truth in your eyes.
Tell me how could i know, when i was so young and drowning.
I was always in frear, because you were never here.
Verse 2- I was always left alone, when i was most vulnerable.
And as i watched you fade away, i wondered if you'll ever be yourself again someday.
Refrain.
So just tell me what you think.
Answers:
YOU GOT REAL TALENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just write it like a song supposed to be written::
Verse 1::
I was there on the night
You got into your fight
The scars, they won't heal, as time passes
But they will make us remember the life that we had
Refrain::
We put our cards on the table
As we were so unable
To distinguish the lies
From the truth in your eyes
Tell me how I could know, when I was so young and drowning
I was always in fear
Because you were never here
Verse 2::
I was always left alone, when I was most vulnerable
And as I watched you fade away
I wondered if you'll ever be yourself, again, someday
Refrain, again.
Great song, if I were a record producer, I would CERTAINLY pick you up with a quickness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But, there are some things that bothered me a bit::
01. No chorus
02. So short, more like a poem
03. Spelling mistakes::
a. frear = fear, but, I corrected it, ♥♥
04. One word is used wrong, "LET" should be "MAKE".
What I loved about it::
01. Your use of Rhyming words
02. Your use of Similies and Metaphors
03. Almost Perfect Vocabulary
04. Only ONE word misspelled
05. YOU ARE 13 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
06. When I went back and read everyone else's responses, and BUBBLES mentioned Emotions, I must tell you that I felt it, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I AM NO KIN TO SIMON COWELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I would rate you a 9.8, I LOVED YOUR SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!