A song I wrote?!


Question:

A song I wrote?

Okay i started a song and im not sure of how good it is..if at all...and i would like opinions on whether i should finish it, or trash it.
Please &Thankyou

Verse 1:
We are the ones who make our choices
To what we want to be.
We are the change. We are the voices.
We make the history,
But in our demise,
They make it,"Do or Die"
And I think it's time
that we move on, leave them behind.
We don't need somebody
To tell us what they think is right from wrong.
All we've ever needed
Has been here inside us all along.
Hidden behind what they say we should be
And their promises that they can't guarentee.

Prechorus:
So why don't we start a new day?
Cuz we don't need what they say:
"He's with her. She's a skank. It's not real. She's a fake."
"Oh that must be the reason why nobody sees them."
Their talking, staring, constantly glaring,
But why do we care?

Chorus:
And as the years go by
I wonder will this judgement cease to end?
Along with all the time that we spend
Denying who we are within.
It seems the days are getting shorter.
As the search for us begins
While we're lost and sinking under
We start to wonder when
And if our lives are really over.
Are we really in that deep?
Then a light shines through and we see,
It just takes a little self discovery.


Answers:

Hey there,

I think the message is getting through-a relationship that is not understood or judged that causes the couple to almost give in and listen to 'society' (apologies if I am way off, and disregard the following:). The content is there, I would suggest structuring it a little differently. I can hear a definite 'hook' in the pre-chorus, if the pre-chorus began with "and as the years go by". The chorus should begin with "while we're lost and sinking under". The pre-chorus that you have there should begin your second verse. The lyrics in the first verse begin with confidence in the situation, where the chorus and suggested pre-chorus introduce a hint of doubt, there should be a bit of that in the second verse. A possible bridge could resolve the situation by showing that the doubts always seem to get erased by that "shimmering light of hope" or bond that you share. Of course, these are one person's opinions and you should always go with your heart! Keep up the good work but also be careful about posting this good work publicly unless it is copywritten.

Good luck!!!!

J


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