What is 10,000 bc like?!


Question: The film


Answers: The film

ook my answer isnt as looonnngg as the other guys but i was expecting a lot more and all i saw was something cheap and stupid.

It's not always possible to recognize a good film's potential from the outset, but invariably a bad film will make itself evident immediately. Such is the case with the catastrophically awful 10,000 BC. From the opening lines of ludicrously melodramatic narration about "four-legged demons", uttered by Omar Sharif no less, it was clear we were in trouble and everything that followed subsequently only confirmed those first impressions. I appreciate no one sets out intentionally to make a terrible movie, but surely there was more than sufficient evidence beforehand to warn of impending doom.

For starters, there's director and co-writer Roland Emmerich's dubious resume which includes such clunkers as The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla. And does the world really need another caveman movie? This one doesn't even have the distraction of a bikini-clad Raquel Welch, sadly. Granted, the CGI prehistoric wildlife is more impressive than that offered up by One Million Years B.C, but at least the 1966 film was funny, even if perhaps that wasn't the intention. One of 10,000 BC's biggest failings is that it takes itself way too seriously.

The story follows the epic adventure of the young hunter D'Leh (Steven Strait) who sets out to rescue his beloved Evolet (Camilla Belle) who is kidnapped by an evil band of marauders who attacked their remote mountainous village. During the course of D'Leh's quest, he has to fight not only the harsh elements and ruthless warlords, but contend with a selection of ferocious creatures, including mammoths and a saber-toothed tiger. Along the way, he encounters other tribes who have also been attacked by the same slave-raiders and together, under D'Leh's leadership, they go in search of Evolet and revenge.

Although there are recognizable elements linking it to prehistoric times, essentially 10,000 BC is a fantasy. It's certainly better to view it that way as it wouldn't bear up under close scrutiny for historical accuracy. By a strange rationale, some speak English (though in a spurious Germanic accent) while others use an unintelligible language made somewhat intelligible by sub-titles. But regardless of what language anyone speaks, all the words are utterly banal and clichéd. It is hard not to feel sorry for the actors who had the impossible task of reciting them without either laughing or wincing, though surely they saw a script before signing on? Needless to say, none emerges with any dignity as their delivery is as hammy as the script.

It's difficult to conceive of anybody finding anything remotely entertaining or redeeming about what is, even at this early stage of the year, a prime candidate to sweep all before it at the 2008 Raspberries - the awards handed out to the year's worst films. The only amusing feature was trying to come up with suggestions for alternatives for what the BC in the film's title really stands for. My favorite is sadly unprintable.

naff
but that's just my opinion

Horrible, we walked out in the first 10 min.
No point and completely unbelieveable.

It was really boring.Not much fighting or anything

We were sooo disappointed, really cheap made and unbelievable!

The film starts by introducing us to a Multi-culti tribe in Switzerland (?) led by a shaman eskimo woman. They seemed to have forgotten that prehistoric hunter gatherers generally wandered around and fill instead their days by waiting all year in their village for mammoths to meander by and kill one for food which luckily lasts all year.

Their 'noble' existence is shattered by some Arab horsemen looking for slaves. They leave the Alps into the jungles (!) of Italy(?) where they are attacked by birds which once lived in South America. The scenery changes to Utah as they track the slavers into Africa. They meet some Zulu tribes who happened to have bumped into the Swiss hunter's father and who somehow managed to teach the Zulu tribe the one language that seems to exist in Europe.

The Arab desert slavers have attacked the zulus too so the Swiss and the zulus combine forces to attack the slavers. Rather than follow the river (the Nile?) to the slave town, they decide to cross the Sahara (after all there's no food or water by a river so this would seem a sensible option!).

After wandering around for weeks they look to the stars and decide to follow the North Star (the slave city, in common with Santa's hideaway is under it apparently). Hey ho, after a few days they find slave city and it turns out to be a pyramid construction site led by an alien. Luckily, the crafty alien god has lots of slaves and a ready source of desert living woolly mammoths to help build his pyramid. Swiss hunter cries 'operation desert freedom' and the slaves rebel.

The alien god's Indian eunuchs (fresh out of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)and some albino africans flee to a giant ship stored in a pyramid but the rebelling slaves catch them up and kill the giant alien who turns out to be 'Lurch' from the Adams family.

Eskimo woman then dies back in the Alps to bring Swiss hunters girlfriend back to life in the Sahara (she's prophetic as shes got blue eyes - apparently rare we're led to believe in Switzerland).

The film ends with the desert dwelling Zulus giving the Swiss crops which somehow grew in the Sahara. The Swiss then set off home surely cursing that they set Lurch's giant boat alight as it surely would have speeded up their journey across the Mediterranean. They have a group hug back in the Alps when their desert crops begin to grow at the foot of a glacier...

Needless to say I won't be buying the DVD



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