What do you think about this short story?!
Question: One Day in the Life of Harold Green
The morning started with an annoying clock ring sound. It was 5 AM, Harold quickly jumped off the bed and went straight to the shower. Cold water was needed to wake him up and as always not a single drop was wasted. Not loosing any second while putting on his favorite, in the matter of fact his only suit, Harold drank a cup of tea with buttered bread and by 6 he was already in the cab, but not as a costumer. Harold Green was a cab driver. He was taking this job very seriously. His cab was always clean from the inside and outside as well and smelled just right for a car. Green was wearing his black suit every day, making him look more like a client and not a driver. Everyone else in the taxi park were jealous of Harold. "You're only a lousy taxi driver not a lawyer none better, that any of us,"- his co-workers often say to him.
Read the full story at http://golosiy.deviantart.com/art/One-Da...
Answers: One Day in the Life of Harold Green
The morning started with an annoying clock ring sound. It was 5 AM, Harold quickly jumped off the bed and went straight to the shower. Cold water was needed to wake him up and as always not a single drop was wasted. Not loosing any second while putting on his favorite, in the matter of fact his only suit, Harold drank a cup of tea with buttered bread and by 6 he was already in the cab, but not as a costumer. Harold Green was a cab driver. He was taking this job very seriously. His cab was always clean from the inside and outside as well and smelled just right for a car. Green was wearing his black suit every day, making him look more like a client and not a driver. Everyone else in the taxi park were jealous of Harold. "You're only a lousy taxi driver not a lawyer none better, that any of us,"- his co-workers often say to him.
Read the full story at http://golosiy.deviantart.com/art/One-Da...
It was really good. I read it through 'til the end and it did hold my interest. I do think you might have the gift of storytelling.
You didn't say whether you desired opinions regarding proper sentence structure and grammar, however, let me offer this much to you in the spirit of helping. Your story, while interesting and creative, could be much better if it were written using proper English.
The story bounces back and forth between past tense and present tense. It conveys an impression to the reader that you are telling the story to someone instead of narrating it. Also, if you want to really captivate your audience, it might help to flesh out your nouns with some colorful adjectives; along those same lines, you could add more description (but not too much) to some of the objects, places and people you mention in your story. For instance, what does Susan look like? What does Harold look like? What about Harold's personality? Why were his co-workers jealous of him?
Best of luck with your story-writing endeavors.