Heard any good jokes today?!


Question: Heard any good jokes today!?
Answers:
Please pray for Rick

Rick was in trouble!. He forgot his wedding anniversary!. His wife was really angry!.

She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work!. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway!.!.!. Confused, the wife ran out to the driveway!. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale!.

Rick has been missing since Friday!. Please pray for himWww@Enter-QA@Com

Akmed came to the United States from Afghanistan, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill!. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him!.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor!.

The doctor said, "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes!."

Akmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, pee on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes!.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked!. I feel terrific!" "What was wrong with me!?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox!.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house!.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again!. Angrily, back into the house she went!.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again!. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever!.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong!?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

A Hopeful Blonde
Bob, a well dressed dude walked in a bar is to watch the news around 9:58 PM!. He met this young blonde sitting at the bar and sat next to her!. There was a story on the news of this guy wanting to jump off a building to commit suicide!. SO, the guy bets the blonde $200 that he'll jump off and fall to his death, the blonde agrees and shakes his hand!.
2 seconds later the guy jumps and sure enough dies!. The blonde being true to the deal gave up the $200!. The guy says i cant take your money, i already saw this on the 6 O'clock news, she says i did to but i didnt think that he would do it again!.

The guy took his money and leftWww@Enter-QA@Com

There was a man named George who got a new job!. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday!. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning!. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late!.

On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00!. He golfed right handed and won the round!.

Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again!. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round!. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed!.

The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was!. They said, 'George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late!. You never are!. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win!. What is up with that!?'

George replies, 'Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy!. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife!. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed!. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed!.'

'Well,' one of the employees questioned, 'What happens if she is laying on her back!?' George replies, 'Then I am 10 minutes late!.'Www@Enter-QA@Com

Guy takes his dog to Vet Surgeon & says!.!.!."My dogs cross eyed, can you examine him!?"
Vet picks up the dog & says!.!.!.!."Yep! he's cross eyed, i'm gonna have to put him down"
The owner is upset & says!.!.!.!.!.!."Why!? just because he's cross eyed!?"
"No!"!.!.!.!.!.says the Vet!.!.!.!.!.!.!."He's to damn heavy"Www@Enter-QA@Com

This one is probably a little dirty, but here goes!.

One day, two whores were walking down the street!. One whore stops in her tracks and says, "I smell d*ck in the air"!. The other whore, slightly blushing replies, "I burped"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

What did the mathematician do when he was constipated!?






he worked it out with a pencilWww@Enter-QA@Com

Well, this is a yo mama joke!.

Yo mamas so fat that when she put a red shirt on then went outside, the kids said "Koolaid!"Www@Enter-QA@Com



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