Anybody got a good joke for me? funniest one gets 10 points!?!
Question: Anybody got a good joke for me!? funniest one gets 10 points!!?
it can be about anything except, NO racism, and NO religious put-down jokesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Alright the boyfriend is going on a business trip and he said to his girlfriend you are going to be very bored while im gone!. so he's go's out to get something plessurable for her!.he walks into adult world and asks the guy at the counter for one dildo!. he says were all out but we do have the voodoo!.you say to it what you want it to do!. so the gets one and demonstrates!. he says, hump the wall and the voodoo starts doing the wall!. so the guy bye its and gives it to his girlfriend and leaves for his trip!. one day the girlfriend is bored and says voodoo my vagina!. so she gets like 11 orgasm's and gets very sick of it but she doesn't know how to get it out!. so she's going to go to the hospital to get it out!. on her way in the car she had 4 more orgasm's!. and a cop pulled her over because he thought she was drunk!. she said no sir i haven't had anything to drink, i have the voodoo stuck in my vagina and he says yeah right voodoo my ***!Www@Enter-QA@Com
1) This young boy walks in on his parents having sex and gets pissed!. His father however just laughed at him, so the the boy walks down the hall into his grandma's room and starts having sex with her!. His father walks in to check on him and sees what's going on, and yells, hey man WTF!. Then the son says uh hun you see it's not so funny when it's your mama is it!?
2) There was this sailor and this soldier that had both died in a war at the same time and they both arrived in Heaven at the same time!. St!. Peter came and gave both of them their wings, but he warned them that if at any given time they had any inappropriate or unclean thoughts, their wings would automatically fall off!. Just as they had put their wings on, this beautiful angel shimmed passed them with a nice smile and smellying real flesh and clean, and the soldiers wings fell right off!. Then when the soldier bent over to pick up his wings, the sailors wings fell off!.
3) There was this stripper at this bar who was notorious for her split that she did at the end of each of her acts!. One day she got ready to do her act, and right before she went on stage, a cat (guy) spilled a drink on stage and it didn't get mopped up too well!. So this time when she got ready to do her split, she lost her balance and hit the floor so hard that it took two hours and forty five minutes to break the suction!. You should have heard the round of applauses she got when she hit that floor (LOL)!.
4) There was this couple that had been married for ten years, and for their tenth year anniversary they decided to go back to the same hotel they were in ten years ago for their honeymoon!. They went back to the hotel and even got in the same hotel room they were in when they honeymooned!.They drunk champaigne and everything was just perfect just as it was ten years ago when they got married!. They where starring at each other from across the room in their robes, then they took the robes off!. At a given signal they ran towards each other, but since they had been drinking all that champaigne they missed each other and the cat flew right out the window like two flights down!. The bell man came rushing outside because he heard all this noise!. The man says get me something to cover myself with i'm naked here I need to walk through the lobby so that I could get back up to my room!. The bell man says you don't need nothing to cover yourself with, if you want to get back to your room, you can just walk on through the lobby because ain't nobody in the lobby!. The mans says what you mean ain't nobody in the lobby, the bell man says ain't nobody in the lobby because everybody left to go upstairs to watch 'em take this chick off the door knob!.
5) A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room!. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b---s who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b---s who are getting on, get your --ses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks!." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house!. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS!. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language!." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train!. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you!. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one!. We hope you will ride with us again soon!." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat!. Remember, there is no smoking on the train!. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today!." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the --*ch in the kitchen!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
2) There was this sailor and this soldier that had both died in a war at the same time and they both arrived in Heaven at the same time!. St!. Peter came and gave both of them their wings, but he warned them that if at any given time they had any inappropriate or unclean thoughts, their wings would automatically fall off!. Just as they had put their wings on, this beautiful angel shimmed passed them with a nice smile and smellying real flesh and clean, and the soldiers wings fell right off!. Then when the soldier bent over to pick up his wings, the sailors wings fell off!.
3) There was this stripper at this bar who was notorious for her split that she did at the end of each of her acts!. One day she got ready to do her act, and right before she went on stage, a cat (guy) spilled a drink on stage and it didn't get mopped up too well!. So this time when she got ready to do her split, she lost her balance and hit the floor so hard that it took two hours and forty five minutes to break the suction!. You should have heard the round of applauses she got when she hit that floor (LOL)!.
4) There was this couple that had been married for ten years, and for their tenth year anniversary they decided to go back to the same hotel they were in ten years ago for their honeymoon!. They went back to the hotel and even got in the same hotel room they were in when they honeymooned!.They drunk champaigne and everything was just perfect just as it was ten years ago when they got married!. They where starring at each other from across the room in their robes, then they took the robes off!. At a given signal they ran towards each other, but since they had been drinking all that champaigne they missed each other and the cat flew right out the window like two flights down!. The bell man came rushing outside because he heard all this noise!. The man says get me something to cover myself with i'm naked here I need to walk through the lobby so that I could get back up to my room!. The bell man says you don't need nothing to cover yourself with, if you want to get back to your room, you can just walk on through the lobby because ain't nobody in the lobby!. The mans says what you mean ain't nobody in the lobby, the bell man says ain't nobody in the lobby because everybody left to go upstairs to watch 'em take this chick off the door knob!.
5) A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room!. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b---s who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b---s who are getting on, get your --ses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks!." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house!. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS!. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language!." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train!. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you!. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one!. We hope you will ride with us again soon!." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat!. Remember, there is no smoking on the train!. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today!." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the --*ch in the kitchen!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
3 guys are captured by the king!. The king tells them to each get a fruit!.
The 1st guy brings a bannana!. The king says, shove it up your butt, and if you laugh, or scream, ill kill you!. He shoves it up his butt, and screams, and dies!. The 2nd guy brings a grape, same thing, but the 2nd guy laughs!. So the 1st and 2nd guy are in heaven, and the 1st guy asks why the 2nd guy laughed, and he sayd, "The 3rd guy has a pineapple!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The 1st guy brings a bannana!. The king says, shove it up your butt, and if you laugh, or scream, ill kill you!. He shoves it up his butt, and screams, and dies!. The 2nd guy brings a grape, same thing, but the 2nd guy laughs!. So the 1st and 2nd guy are in heaven, and the 1st guy asks why the 2nd guy laughed, and he sayd, "The 3rd guy has a pineapple!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
here it is:
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt!. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor!.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it!. It only costs $10!." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store!. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10!. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing!. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow!. Soak your arm in warm water!. Avoid heavy lifting!. It will be better in two weeks!."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled!. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter!. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction!. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10!. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard!. Get a water softener!. Your dog has worms!. Get him vitamins!. Your daughter is using cocaine!. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic!. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls!. They aren't yours!. Get a lawyer!. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt!. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor!.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it!. It only costs $10!." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store!. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10!. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing!. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow!. Soak your arm in warm water!. Avoid heavy lifting!. It will be better in two weeks!."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled!. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter!. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction!. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10!. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard!. Get a water softener!. Your dog has worms!. Get him vitamins!. Your daughter is using cocaine!. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic!. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls!. They aren't yours!. Get a lawyer!. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A married couple are sitting at home watching a show on television when the husband turns to his wife and says, " Honey, I want you to tell me something that will make be both happy and sad at the same time!." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and then she says, " Of all your friends, you have the largest penis!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner!. "Mommy, how old are you!?" she asked!.
"Now dear," said her mother, "You should never ask a woman what her age is!."
"Why not!?" demanded Jenny!.
"Because it isn't polite!. You'll understand better when you grow up!."
Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, "Mommy, how much do you weigh!?"
"Jenny," said her mother, "That's not a question you ask people!."
"Why not!?" demanded Jenny!.
"Because it's not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh!. You'll understand some day!."
"Mommy," Jenny asked, "Why did you and Daddy get divorced!?"
"Darling," her mother replied with a sigh, "That's something that's still very painful for Mommy, and I really can't talk about it now!. I'll explain when you are a little older!."
The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother!. The other little girl explained to her, "All you have to do is get a look at your mom's driver's license!. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it!."
So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother's purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully!. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, "I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!"
Her mother looked down at her, surprised!. "And I know how much you weigh!" said Jenny!. "You weigh 135 pounds!." "Jenny, where did you learn this!?", her mother asked!. Jenny just smiled and continued, "And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce!." Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why!?"
Jenny replied, "Because you got an F in sex!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Now dear," said her mother, "You should never ask a woman what her age is!."
"Why not!?" demanded Jenny!.
"Because it isn't polite!. You'll understand better when you grow up!."
Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, "Mommy, how much do you weigh!?"
"Jenny," said her mother, "That's not a question you ask people!."
"Why not!?" demanded Jenny!.
"Because it's not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh!. You'll understand some day!."
"Mommy," Jenny asked, "Why did you and Daddy get divorced!?"
"Darling," her mother replied with a sigh, "That's something that's still very painful for Mommy, and I really can't talk about it now!. I'll explain when you are a little older!."
The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother!. The other little girl explained to her, "All you have to do is get a look at your mom's driver's license!. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it!."
So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother's purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully!. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, "I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!"
Her mother looked down at her, surprised!. "And I know how much you weigh!" said Jenny!. "You weigh 135 pounds!." "Jenny, where did you learn this!?", her mother asked!. Jenny just smiled and continued, "And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce!." Her mother just gasped and asked, "Why!?"
Jenny replied, "Because you got an F in sex!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
There are two muffins sitting in an oven, the first one says, "God dammit, Where the hell is my f**king shovel!!" The second one says, "I don't know, but I got this ladle!"
or
What do you call a man without a shovel!?
Douglas (dugless)
I LOVE SHOVEL JOKES!!!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
or
What do you call a man without a shovel!?
Douglas (dugless)
I LOVE SHOVEL JOKES!!!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
How do you make a sausge roll!?!?
You push it!!
WHy does 6 hate 7!?
cause 7 8 9!
Whats green has four legs and would crush u if it fell out of a tree!?
A pool table!
A man walks into a bar,
and falls over!!
Lol simple jokes are the most amusing :D
Answer mine!? :)
http://au!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
You push it!!
WHy does 6 hate 7!?
cause 7 8 9!
Whats green has four legs and would crush u if it fell out of a tree!?
A pool table!
A man walks into a bar,
and falls over!!
Lol simple jokes are the most amusing :D
Answer mine!? :)
http://au!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
how are women and rocks alike!? you skip tha flat ones
whats the difference between a supermarket shopping bag, and micheal jackson!? one is made of plastic and is very dangerous to kids; the other holds groceries
lol rofl lmao lmfao hh hahah yeahhhhhhWww@Enter-QA@Com
whats the difference between a supermarket shopping bag, and micheal jackson!? one is made of plastic and is very dangerous to kids; the other holds groceries
lol rofl lmao lmfao hh hahah yeahhhhhhWww@Enter-QA@Com
whatdidthev vampire say to the teacher!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?/!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. you nextpeiridWww@Enter-QA@Com
Barack Obama Ha! Ha!Ha!Www@Enter-QA@Com
ok soo there are these two muffins in a oven, onelooks at the other and says man its hot in here, then the other one shouts "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN" hahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
whats the difference between a violin and a fish!?
you cant TUNE-A-FISH (tuna fish)
its really cheesy but itll make people laugh (:Www@Enter-QA@Com
you cant TUNE-A-FISH (tuna fish)
its really cheesy but itll make people laugh (:Www@Enter-QA@Com
Q: Why does a traffic light turn red!?
A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A: If you had to change in front of everyone, you'd turn red, too!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
why was the the tomato blushing!?
because it saw the salad dressing!Www@Enter-QA@Com
because it saw the salad dressing!Www@Enter-QA@Com
why did the chicken cross the road!?
*to escape from the slaughter house*Www@Enter-QA@Com
*to escape from the slaughter house*Www@Enter-QA@Com
okay, what do you call it when a guy shoots to butts with has gun!?
***-***-inationWww@Enter-QA@Com
***-***-inationWww@Enter-QA@Com
What can be charged but not arrested!?
A credit card! (:Www@Enter-QA@Com
A credit card! (:Www@Enter-QA@Com
Let's test the way u think!. thepenisinyourmouth: Did u read the pen is in your mouth!?!.!. U kno u didn't lolWww@Enter-QA@Com