Need at joke for my Chamber of Commerce Christmas speech?!
Question: Need at joke for my Chamber of Commerce Christmas speech!?
Can anyone help with a joke with an optimistic angle during these financial crisis times!? I need it for my opening speech at our Christmas luncheon!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Hmmm!. Chamber of Commerce eh!.!. I'm guessing there will be Republicans primarily so!.!.
Start off!.!.!. It's nice to see all of you here today!.!. Looking at the parking lot on the way in here, I see some of you are driving your Hummers and Escalades again, and we're glad you could afford to come to our Christmas luncheon!. I was reading in the newspaper this morning, that the economy is so bad that it has reached the north pole [pause for a moment] Santa is really feeling the crunch!. [slight pause] Apparently it is so bad, he is having to lay off 40,000 elves and will have to compensate by purchasing all his gifts from Walmart!. [pause] Even Santa's helpers, who sustain themselves on milk and keebler cookies, can not compete with the cost of Chinese labor!.
So I hope you all enjoy your [whatever you're serving] !. The staff insisted on a Hawaiian spread!.!. but I stopped them there, and I said - "No!. I understand the economy's bad- but you're not serving SPAM!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Start off!.!.!. It's nice to see all of you here today!.!. Looking at the parking lot on the way in here, I see some of you are driving your Hummers and Escalades again, and we're glad you could afford to come to our Christmas luncheon!. I was reading in the newspaper this morning, that the economy is so bad that it has reached the north pole [pause for a moment] Santa is really feeling the crunch!. [slight pause] Apparently it is so bad, he is having to lay off 40,000 elves and will have to compensate by purchasing all his gifts from Walmart!. [pause] Even Santa's helpers, who sustain themselves on milk and keebler cookies, can not compete with the cost of Chinese labor!.
So I hope you all enjoy your [whatever you're serving] !. The staff insisted on a Hawaiian spread!.!. but I stopped them there, and I said - "No!. I understand the economy's bad- but you're not serving SPAM!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Don`t know if you approve!?
A 90 year old man marries a 20 year old woman, and so goes to his doctor for Viagra!. The doctor says, "Sorry but giving Viagra to a 90 year old can be dangerous!."
The old man begs and pleads for Viagra, and eventually the doctor gives in!. He stresses though that it can only be taken under strict guidelines and only for seven days!. The doctor says, "Take half a dose one day then skip the next day, then take another half-dose then skip the next day, and so on until the seventh day"!.
The old man does as he's instructed the following week after which his wife phones the doctor and says "He's dead!"
The doctor said, "I knew if I gave him Viagra it would kill him!." The young widow said, "No, it wasn't the Viagra that killed him, it was all that damned skipping"!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A 90 year old man marries a 20 year old woman, and so goes to his doctor for Viagra!. The doctor says, "Sorry but giving Viagra to a 90 year old can be dangerous!."
The old man begs and pleads for Viagra, and eventually the doctor gives in!. He stresses though that it can only be taken under strict guidelines and only for seven days!. The doctor says, "Take half a dose one day then skip the next day, then take another half-dose then skip the next day, and so on until the seventh day"!.
The old man does as he's instructed the following week after which his wife phones the doctor and says "He's dead!"
The doctor said, "I knew if I gave him Viagra it would kill him!." The young widow said, "No, it wasn't the Viagra that killed him, it was all that damned skipping"!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
nope sorry
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