Try not to laugh at these funny jokes?!
Question: Try not to laugh at these funny jokes!?
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane!. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence!. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5!.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50!.00!. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted!.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star!?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5!.00!. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs!?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled!. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer!. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50!.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to you question!?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5!.
or
Donald Rumsfeld died and went to heaven!. As he stood in front of St!.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him!. He asked, "What are all those clocks!?"
St!. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks!. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock!. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move!."
"Oh," said Rumsfeld, "whose clock is that!?" "That's Mother Teresa's!. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie!." "Incredible," said Rumsfeld!. "And whose clock is that one!?" St!. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock!. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life!."
"Where's Bush's clock!?" asked Rumsfeld!.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office!. He's using it as a ceiling fan!."
or
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"
"Oh yeah!? What happened!?" asked the bartender politely!.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home!. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door!. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender!.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on!.
"When her husband came into the room he said, 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak!.'
And damned if the lazy son of a ***** didn't piss out the window right onto my head!?"
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head!. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood!."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me!. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window!. And where does it land!? My damned forehead!" "Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender!. "Oh, I'm not finished!. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump!. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his *** out of the window and let loose right on my head !" The bartender paled!. "That would sure mess up my day!." "Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off!? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"
or
A rather attractive woman goes up to the cash register in a restaurant!. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately!.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers!. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red!.
"Are you the owner!?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands!.
"Actually, no" he replies!. I'm just the manager!."
"Can you get him for me!? - I need to speak to him!." she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair!.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the manager - clearly aroused, "he's in the back doing some work right now!. Is there anything I can do!?"
"Yes there is!. I need you to give him a message!." she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently!.
"Tell him" she says - "that there is no toilet paper and hand soap in the ladies room!"
I appreaciate stars
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The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star!?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5!.00!. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs!?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled!. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer!. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50!.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to you question!?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5!.
or
Donald Rumsfeld died and went to heaven!. As he stood in front of St!.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him!. He asked, "What are all those clocks!?"
St!. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks!. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock!. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move!."
"Oh," said Rumsfeld, "whose clock is that!?" "That's Mother Teresa's!. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie!." "Incredible," said Rumsfeld!. "And whose clock is that one!?" St!. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock!. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life!."
"Where's Bush's clock!?" asked Rumsfeld!.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office!. He's using it as a ceiling fan!."
or
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"
"Oh yeah!? What happened!?" asked the bartender politely!.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home!. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door!. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender!.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on!.
"When her husband came into the room he said, 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak!.'
And damned if the lazy son of a ***** didn't piss out the window right onto my head!?"
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head!. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood!."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me!. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window!. And where does it land!? My damned forehead!" "Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender!. "Oh, I'm not finished!. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump!. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his *** out of the window and let loose right on my head !" The bartender paled!. "That would sure mess up my day!." "Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off!? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!"
or
A rather attractive woman goes up to the cash register in a restaurant!. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately!.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers!. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red!.
"Are you the owner!?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands!.
"Actually, no" he replies!. I'm just the manager!."
"Can you get him for me!? - I need to speak to him!." she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair!.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the manager - clearly aroused, "he's in the back doing some work right now!. Is there anything I can do!?"
"Yes there is!. I need you to give him a message!." she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently!.
"Tell him" she says - "that there is no toilet paper and hand soap in the ladies room!"
I appreaciate stars
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Hilarious all made me laugh,even let out a lil piggy snort,dam funny jokes alright,deserved of a star?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Yeah, I tried,but I couldn't!.
Especially, the 2nd one is funny!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Especially, the 2nd one is funny!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
So funny, did you make it yourself!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
haaha all are good ones LOLL heheheWww@Enter-QA@Com
Very good, and Very big!.!.!.;)Www@Enter-QA@Com
you said try not to laugh well i didn't have to try very hard cos they are not funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
FunnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
Bush & the last one , definitely !. The others are !.!.!.!.either old or not funny , or both !Www@Enter-QA@Com
Star For YouWww@Enter-QA@Com
You got me on the Donald Rumsfield joke!. lol ceiling fanWww@Enter-QA@Com
Alright!.!.!.I won't laugh!.
Funny tho'!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Funny tho'!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The first ones HILARIOUS!.!.!.but the other one I'm to lazy to read!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
very funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com