Can you make me laugh? I'm really depressed?!
Question: Can you make me laugh!? I'm really depressed!?
Any jokes, stories (true or fiction), riddles not to do with family situations would be great!. JUST ANYTHING that can make me laugh!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
This is my previous question posted, i hope you get a laugh out of it! And your mom will come around, they always do glWww@Enter-QA@Com
This is my previous question posted, i hope you get a laugh out of it! And your mom will come around, they always do glWww@Enter-QA@Com
First Dinner With The Parents
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for
dinner!.This is to be her first time meeting the family
and she is very nervous!.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal!. The
woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks
to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole!.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water!. Left with
no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit
and lets out a dainty fart!. It wasn't loud, but everyone
at the table heard the poof!.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her
boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been
snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern
voice, Skippy!"!.
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile
came across her face!.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel
the pain again!. This time, she didn't even hesitate!. She
let a much louder and longer fart rip!. The father again
looked and the dog and yelled, "Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!"!.
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip!.
This time she didn't even think about it!. She let rip a
fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing!.
Once again, the father looked at the
dog with disgust and yelled,
"Skippy, get away from her before she sh*ts on you!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
these are true stories about me
1) i was at the bank one day!. i was standing in line waiting to be served!. anyway, when the teller called me over i started to walk!. but my legs didnt move and i fell flat on my face and twisted my ankle and almost dislocated my knee!. funny, hey
2) i was at school and i was walking down the stairs!. they were slippery and i fell down them and broke my back!. sorta funny!.
3) i hurt my arm and cant remember how!. i either:
a) i was pushing a door open at the same time someone was opening it and pulled my arm
b) fell over
got a joke for you
1) A woman is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas!. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, “What horrible luck! What in the world should I do now!?”
A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your age!?”
He walks away!. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table!. Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her!.
He asks, “What happened!? Is she all right!?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know, buddy…!. She put all her money on 29!. When 36 came up she fainted!”
2) Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log!. “My, what big eyes you have, Mr!. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood!.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump!. “My, what big ears you have Mr!. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood!.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign!. “My, what big teeth you have Mr!. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood!.
Finally the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you get lost!? I’m trying to take a dump!”
3) A man walks into a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran wrap!. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor does some tests, and hours later, he tells the man, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!."
4) There was an apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were having a sword fight naked, one guy accidentally chopped the other guys penis off which fell to the second floor in the green paint which rolled onto the first floor and into the gay guys pickles jar the gay guy picked it out and took a bite and said that's the best pickle I ever tasted!.
5) A doctor had just finished a marathon shagging session with one of his patients!. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw his patients!. However, a little voice in his head said, "Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients, so its not like you're the first !.!.!." This made the doctor feel a bit better until another voice in his head said, "!.!.!.but they probably weren't vets!."
hope you enjoyed!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
1) i was at the bank one day!. i was standing in line waiting to be served!. anyway, when the teller called me over i started to walk!. but my legs didnt move and i fell flat on my face and twisted my ankle and almost dislocated my knee!. funny, hey
2) i was at school and i was walking down the stairs!. they were slippery and i fell down them and broke my back!. sorta funny!.
3) i hurt my arm and cant remember how!. i either:
a) i was pushing a door open at the same time someone was opening it and pulled my arm
b) fell over
got a joke for you
1) A woman is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas!. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, “What horrible luck! What in the world should I do now!?”
A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your age!?”
He walks away!. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table!. Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her!.
He asks, “What happened!? Is she all right!?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know, buddy…!. She put all her money on 29!. When 36 came up she fainted!”
2) Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log!. “My, what big eyes you have, Mr!. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood!.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump!. “My, what big ears you have Mr!. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood!.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign!. “My, what big teeth you have Mr!. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood!.
Finally the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you get lost!? I’m trying to take a dump!”
3) A man walks into a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran wrap!. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor does some tests, and hours later, he tells the man, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!."
4) There was an apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were having a sword fight naked, one guy accidentally chopped the other guys penis off which fell to the second floor in the green paint which rolled onto the first floor and into the gay guys pickles jar the gay guy picked it out and took a bite and said that's the best pickle I ever tasted!.
5) A doctor had just finished a marathon shagging session with one of his patients!. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw his patients!. However, a little voice in his head said, "Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients, so its not like you're the first !.!.!." This made the doctor feel a bit better until another voice in his head said, "!.!.!.but they probably weren't vets!."
hope you enjoyed!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sorry for you depression!.!.!.!.here's something gaurunteed to make you bust a smile =]
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=fIUoMUwFl!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=LrcnIi5UB!.!.!.
Here's a few jokes ;
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course!. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course!. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer!. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen!. You truly are a kind man!.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years!.”
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks!." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks!." "No!. Those are deer tracks!." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train!.
Sorry their kinda corny =(
Heres an insider from my friends ; [they are both blonde]
emma: "Joanie you are soooo blonde!"
Joanie: No i'm not I can spell whatever you ask!."
Emma : " Yeah, well I can spell AD/HD!!!"
i'll try one more thing, this got a smile on my face earlier when i was upset!.
If you do not laugh hyterically hard when you read this you will die in thirty seconds!.!.!.!."BUUUUURRPPPP!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=fIUoMUwFl!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=LrcnIi5UB!.!.!.
Here's a few jokes ;
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course!. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course!. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer!. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen!. You truly are a kind man!.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years!.”
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks!." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks!." "No!. Those are deer tracks!." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train!.
Sorry their kinda corny =(
Heres an insider from my friends ; [they are both blonde]
emma: "Joanie you are soooo blonde!"
Joanie: No i'm not I can spell whatever you ask!."
Emma : " Yeah, well I can spell AD/HD!!!"
i'll try one more thing, this got a smile on my face earlier when i was upset!.
If you do not laugh hyterically hard when you read this you will die in thirty seconds!.!.!.!."BUUUUURRPPPP!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
2 nuns a driving a car in Transylvania when dracula jumps on their car!. The nuns scream but one of the nuns remembers that she has a bottle of holy water from the pope so she throws the water on dracula!. It burns his skin but he manages to hold on!. The driving nun puts on the windscreen wipers to try to knock dracula off the car but his grip is too strong!. So one of the nuns has an idea, she says to the other none "you have a really large cross on your necklace, show Dracula YOUR CROSS", so she sticks her head out the window and scream "pi//ss of dracula you bas//tard""!.!.!.the end, get it your cross!.
Thats the best I can do, I hope it cheered you up a little bit, me and my mom dont get along either, but then again I prefer it like that, I hope you and your mom work things out, peaceWww@Enter-QA@Com
Thats the best I can do, I hope it cheered you up a little bit, me and my mom dont get along either, but then again I prefer it like that, I hope you and your mom work things out, peaceWww@Enter-QA@Com
At 80 years old, George went for his annual physical!. All of his tests came back with normal results!.
Dr!. Smith said, 'George, everything looks great physically!. How are you doing mentally and emotionally!? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God!?'
George replied, 'Yeah, God and me are tight!. He knows that I have poor eyesight so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof) the light goes on, when I'm done!.!.!. (poof) the light goes off!.'
'Wow!' commented Dr!. Smith, 'That's incredible!'
A little later in the day Dr!. Smith called George's wife!. 'Ethel,' he said, 'George is doing fine!. Physically he's great!. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God!. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through!.!.!. (poof) the light goes off!?'
Ethel exclaimed, 'Oh, my God, he's peeing in the refrigerator again!'
======================================!.!.!.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but
had not phoned in sick one day!. Needing to have an urgent problem with
one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home
phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper!. 'Hello!?'
'Is your daddy home!?' he asked!.
'Yes,' whispered the small voice!.
May I talk with him!?'
The child whispered, 'No!.'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your
Mummy there!?' 'Yes'
'May I talk with her!?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, 'Is anybody else there!?'
'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman!.'
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, 'May I speak with the policeman!?'
'No, he's busy,' whispered the child!.
'Busy doing what!?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,' came the whispered
answer!.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that
noise!?'
'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice!.
'What is going on there!?' demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive!.Again, whispering, the child answered,
'The search team just landed a helicopter'
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are
they searching for!?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle!.!.!.
'ME!.'
======================================!.!.!.
A blonde had totaled her car in a horrible accident!. It was a miracle to watch as she pulled herself from the wreckage without any bruises or injuries!. Bystanders were shocked when she proceeded to walk away with no shock on her face and began to apply fresh lipstick to her lips!. The state trooper chose this moment to drive up and question the girl!.
“My word!” the trooper gasped!. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant!. Are you OK ma’am!?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde stated!.
“Well, how in the world did this happen!?” asked the officer as he looked over the wrecked car!.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began!. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me!. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was …!.”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles!. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth!.”
======================================!.!.!.
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible!."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want!. On my last job, every time
anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!."
======================================!.!.!.
Three blondes were walking in a forest when they came upon a set of tracks!.
The first blonde says, "Those are deer tracks!"
The second blonde says, "No, those are elk tracks!"
The third blonde says, "No, you're both wrong!. Those are moose tracks!"
As they blondes were arguing, the train hit them!.
======================================!.!.!.
A blonde was tired of all the blonde jokes in the world!. She wanted to prove to her husband that not all blonde women are dumb, so while he was off at work, she was going to paint a couple of rooms in the house!.
The next day when her husband left for work, she got down to the task at hand!.
Her husband arrived home around 5:30, and smells paint coming from the living room!. He walks in there only to find his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat!.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time!. He asks her if she is OK!.
"Yes," she replies!.
He asks what she is doing!.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blondes arWww@Enter-QA@Com
Dr!. Smith said, 'George, everything looks great physically!. How are you doing mentally and emotionally!? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God!?'
George replied, 'Yeah, God and me are tight!. He knows that I have poor eyesight so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof) the light goes on, when I'm done!.!.!. (poof) the light goes off!.'
'Wow!' commented Dr!. Smith, 'That's incredible!'
A little later in the day Dr!. Smith called George's wife!. 'Ethel,' he said, 'George is doing fine!. Physically he's great!. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God!. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through!.!.!. (poof) the light goes off!?'
Ethel exclaimed, 'Oh, my God, he's peeing in the refrigerator again!'
======================================!.!.!.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but
had not phoned in sick one day!. Needing to have an urgent problem with
one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home
phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper!. 'Hello!?'
'Is your daddy home!?' he asked!.
'Yes,' whispered the small voice!.
May I talk with him!?'
The child whispered, 'No!.'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your
Mummy there!?' 'Yes'
'May I talk with her!?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, 'Is anybody else there!?'
'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman!.'
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, 'May I speak with the policeman!?'
'No, he's busy,' whispered the child!.
'Busy doing what!?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,' came the whispered
answer!.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that
noise!?'
'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice!.
'What is going on there!?' demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive!.Again, whispering, the child answered,
'The search team just landed a helicopter'
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are
they searching for!?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle!.!.!.
'ME!.'
======================================!.!.!.
A blonde had totaled her car in a horrible accident!. It was a miracle to watch as she pulled herself from the wreckage without any bruises or injuries!. Bystanders were shocked when she proceeded to walk away with no shock on her face and began to apply fresh lipstick to her lips!. The state trooper chose this moment to drive up and question the girl!.
“My word!” the trooper gasped!. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant!. Are you OK ma’am!?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde stated!.
“Well, how in the world did this happen!?” asked the officer as he looked over the wrecked car!.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began!. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me!. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was …!.”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles!. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth!.”
======================================!.!.!.
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible!."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want!. On my last job, every time
anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!."
======================================!.!.!.
Three blondes were walking in a forest when they came upon a set of tracks!.
The first blonde says, "Those are deer tracks!"
The second blonde says, "No, those are elk tracks!"
The third blonde says, "No, you're both wrong!. Those are moose tracks!"
As they blondes were arguing, the train hit them!.
======================================!.!.!.
A blonde was tired of all the blonde jokes in the world!. She wanted to prove to her husband that not all blonde women are dumb, so while he was off at work, she was going to paint a couple of rooms in the house!.
The next day when her husband left for work, she got down to the task at hand!.
Her husband arrived home around 5:30, and smells paint coming from the living room!. He walks in there only to find his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat!.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time!. He asks her if she is OK!.
"Yes," she replies!.
He asks what she is doing!.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blondes arWww@Enter-QA@Com
( A precious little girl )
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits!?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there!?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A cat died and went to Heaven!. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years!. Anything that you want is yours for the asking!." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors!. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on!." God said, "Say no more!." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow!. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together!. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat!. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms!. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again!." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates!. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat!. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow!. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay!? How you been doing!? Are you happy!?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport!. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking!. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles!. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight!. Now sit back and relax!.!.!.
OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier!. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap!. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing!. You should see the back of mine!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
One of my friends' ex girlfriends is a total gold-digger that cheated on him with old men for money he later found out!. She used to take laxatives to stay thin and one night they went out and she didn't make it to the toilet!. So she messed her pants!. She saved the pants and still wears them out sometimes, but they're a very distinctive style so you can tell they're the same slacks!. Whenever any of our friends sees her out we tell him "Hey, we saw _______ out and she was wearing the s*** pants!." It never fails to get us all laughing hysterically!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
this is sort of gross but yeah whatever!.
my friend was standing outside her classroom and they was sitting in the ball bin!. she noticed that the balls were soft and squishy!. she went inside the classromm and it was very akward and she didn't know what to say since it was her first day at the school and so she she said in avery very v!. loud voice : "i never knew balls could be sooooo squishy"
ps !. u r sooooooooooooooo not selfish(about ur mum i mean)Www@Enter-QA@Com
my friend was standing outside her classroom and they was sitting in the ball bin!. she noticed that the balls were soft and squishy!. she went inside the classromm and it was very akward and she didn't know what to say since it was her first day at the school and so she she said in avery very v!. loud voice : "i never knew balls could be sooooo squishy"
ps !. u r sooooooooooooooo not selfish(about ur mum i mean)Www@Enter-QA@Com
i have a perfect idea that can make you laugh ,go and see your face in the mirror,!
tell me what is making you depress!?
if you have lost you bf ,then move on,
have you not listen it
"life is too short for love ,how people take time out for hate"
mark my words
abd be happy & cheerWww@Enter-QA@Com
tell me what is making you depress!?
if you have lost you bf ,then move on,
have you not listen it
"life is too short for love ,how people take time out for hate"
mark my words
abd be happy & cheerWww@Enter-QA@Com
What's a word that starts with F and ends with uck!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Firetruck!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Save an egg, crack a smile !
I suggest that you look up "funny laughs" on youtube!. When others laugh, I laugh!. or!.!. you can look at this video!
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=fl6jfOEPJ!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I suggest that you look up "funny laughs" on youtube!. When others laugh, I laugh!. or!.!. you can look at this video!
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=fl6jfOEPJ!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=IWjOyYdbR!.!.!. go wild with jack Www@Enter-QA@Com
why is your mum being like that!?
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Www@Enter-QA@Com
why!?Www@Enter-QA@Com