Do you know any jokes???!
Question: Do you know any jokes!?!?!?
we will have a contest and they will chose
the best one!!!!!!! I NEED HELP!.!.!.!. please!?!?
know any good jokes!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
the best one!!!!!!! I NEED HELP!.!.!.!. please!?!?
know any good jokes!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered!.
"May I speak to your parents!?"
"They're busy!."
"Oh!. Is anybody else there!?"
"The police!."
"Can I speak to them!?"
"They're busy!."
"Oh!. Is anybody else there!?"
"The firemen!."
"Can I speak to them!?"
"They're busy!."
"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police,
and the firemen are there, but they're all busy!? What are
they doing!?"
"Lookin for me!."
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions!.
Son: Father, Can I ask you a question!?
Father: Ok ask!.
Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the
doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor
being doctored wants to be doctored or does the
doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants
to doctor!.
Father: !!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please
stand up" said the sarcastic teacher!.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet!.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot!?"
enquired the teacher with a sneer!.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate
to see you standing up there all by yourself!."
lol hope you like themWww@Enter-QA@Com
"May I speak to your parents!?"
"They're busy!."
"Oh!. Is anybody else there!?"
"The police!."
"Can I speak to them!?"
"They're busy!."
"Oh!. Is anybody else there!?"
"The firemen!."
"Can I speak to them!?"
"They're busy!."
"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police,
and the firemen are there, but they're all busy!? What are
they doing!?"
"Lookin for me!."
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions!.
Son: Father, Can I ask you a question!?
Father: Ok ask!.
Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the
doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor
being doctored wants to be doctored or does the
doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants
to doctor!.
Father: !!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please
stand up" said the sarcastic teacher!.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet!.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot!?"
enquired the teacher with a sneer!.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate
to see you standing up there all by yourself!."
lol hope you like themWww@Enter-QA@Com
this is a little dirty but it's fnny!.!.!.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat!. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have s** with him!.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop!. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you!."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord!. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have s** with you!."
The hippie decides to try this out!. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun!. Right on schedule, the nun shows up!. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god!. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have s** with me first," he says!.
The nun agrees but asks for anal s** so she might keep her virginity!. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having s** with the nun!.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat!. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have s** with him!.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop!. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you!."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord!. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have s** with you!."
The hippie decides to try this out!. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun!. Right on schedule, the nun shows up!. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god!. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have s** with me first," he says!.
The nun agrees but asks for anal s** so she might keep her virginity!. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having s** with the nun!.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two students are away on a skiing trip for the weekend!.
They have a big exam on monday, so they plan to study throughout the weekend!.
Of course, they are having way too much fun to do any real studying!.
Come monday morning, they realize there’s no way they will pass the exam,
so they decide to call their professor with an excuse!. They tell him they are on their way back from the weekend,
but their tire has blown out and they won’t be able to be back in time for the exam!.
The professor is very understanding and says they can resit the exam on friday!.
Gratefully they accept and go home to study all week!.
On friday the two students arrive at the professors office, all ready to take their test!.
The professor puts each student in a different room and gives them the exam paper!.
As the students turn it over to tart, they see there is only one question:
“Which tire!?”Www@Enter-QA@Com
They have a big exam on monday, so they plan to study throughout the weekend!.
Of course, they are having way too much fun to do any real studying!.
Come monday morning, they realize there’s no way they will pass the exam,
so they decide to call their professor with an excuse!. They tell him they are on their way back from the weekend,
but their tire has blown out and they won’t be able to be back in time for the exam!.
The professor is very understanding and says they can resit the exam on friday!.
Gratefully they accept and go home to study all week!.
On friday the two students arrive at the professors office, all ready to take their test!.
The professor puts each student in a different room and gives them the exam paper!.
As the students turn it over to tart, they see there is only one question:
“Which tire!?”Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man was speeding through town when he saw a police car coming up behind him with the siren blaring!. the motorist put his foot down immediately and the speedometer was touching 80 as he turned into the high street!.
"oh sh!t" he said to him self, "this is no good" so he slowed down and pulled over!.
The police officer car drew up behind the car and an officer got out to speak to him!.
"did you realise you were doing 80 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone!?" he asked!.
'I'm sorry officer, you see my wife ran off with a copper a few months ago and when i saw you chasing me",
'I thought you were trying to give her back!."
hope you like it =)Www@Enter-QA@Com
"oh sh!t" he said to him self, "this is no good" so he slowed down and pulled over!.
The police officer car drew up behind the car and an officer got out to speak to him!.
"did you realise you were doing 80 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone!?" he asked!.
'I'm sorry officer, you see my wife ran off with a copper a few months ago and when i saw you chasing me",
'I thought you were trying to give her back!."
hope you like it =)Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman was in a coma!. She had been in it for months!. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath!. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her!. They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement!. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma!." The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy!. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room!. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse , no heart rate!. The nurses run back into the room!. "What happened!!?" they cried!.
The husband said, "I'm not sure!.!.!.!.maybe she choked!?
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The husband said, "I'm not sure!.!.!.!.maybe she choked!?
Www@Enter-QA@Com
sure!.!. try this one!.!.
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics!? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow!."
The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy!. Let’s say that I’m capitalism because I’m the breadwinner!. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future!. Does that help any!?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said!."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother’s crying!. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper!.
So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up!. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid!. Because he couldn’t do anything else, he turned and went back to bed!.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now!."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned!?"
Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of sh*t!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics!? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow!."
The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy!. Let’s say that I’m capitalism because I’m the breadwinner!. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future!. Does that help any!?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said!."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother’s crying!. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper!.
So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up!. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid!. Because he couldn’t do anything else, he turned and went back to bed!.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now!."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned!?"
Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of sh*t!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
WHO IS JACK SCHITT!?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt!?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way!. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt!. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, who married O!. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N!. Schitt, Inc!. They had one son, Jack!. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt!. The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Gi va Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt!.Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout!. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced!. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name!. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock!.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt!. Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony!. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials!. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse!. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world!. He came home with his Italian wife; Piza Schitt
By Crock O Schit
======================================!.!.!.
A cat died and went to Heaven!. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years!. Anything that you want is yours for the asking!." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors!. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on!." God said, "Say no more!." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow!. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together!. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat!. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms!. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again!." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates!. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat!. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow!. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay!? How you been doing!? Are you happy!?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt!?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way!. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt!. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, who married O!. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N!. Schitt, Inc!. They had one son, Jack!. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt!. The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Gi va Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt!.Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout!. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced!. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name!. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock!.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt!. Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony!. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials!. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse!. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world!. He came home with his Italian wife; Piza Schitt
By Crock O Schit
======================================!.!.!.
A cat died and went to Heaven!. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years!. Anything that you want is yours for the asking!." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors!. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on!." God said, "Say no more!." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow!. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together!. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat!. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms!. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again!." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates!. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat!. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow!. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay!? How you been doing!? Are you happy!?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day an old man looked over his fence to see his neighbor, billy digging a hole, What is the hole for Billy!? he asked!.
my fish died said billy
Oh you have my sympathies, said the old man, then he asked if your fish died then why do you need such a big hole!?
Billy replied, because he is still inside your damn cat!
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A blonde had not been very wise with her money, and was now in alot of debt!. She prayed to god, asking him if he could make her win the lottery, or else she would have to cancel all of her credit cards!.
When she watched the lottery that night, she was upset to find that she had not won, and so she canceled the cards!.
The next night she again prayed to god asking for him to help her win the lottery, else she would need to sell her car!.
She did not win that time either, so she sold her car!.
Once more she prayed to god, asking him to help her win the lottery, else she would lose her house!.
She did not win and so had to sell her home!.
Then she prayed to god asking him why he did not help her in her time of need, he replied, if you wanted me to help you win the lottery, you should have bought a ticket!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
my fish died said billy
Oh you have my sympathies, said the old man, then he asked if your fish died then why do you need such a big hole!?
Billy replied, because he is still inside your damn cat!
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A blonde had not been very wise with her money, and was now in alot of debt!. She prayed to god, asking him if he could make her win the lottery, or else she would have to cancel all of her credit cards!.
When she watched the lottery that night, she was upset to find that she had not won, and so she canceled the cards!.
The next night she again prayed to god asking for him to help her win the lottery, else she would need to sell her car!.
She did not win that time either, so she sold her car!.
Once more she prayed to god, asking him to help her win the lottery, else she would lose her house!.
She did not win and so had to sell her home!.
Then she prayed to god asking him why he did not help her in her time of need, he replied, if you wanted me to help you win the lottery, you should have bought a ticket!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
this is a personal favorite:
Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out!." They both were very faithful, loving wives!.!.!. however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio!.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery!. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them!. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them!.!.!. luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it!.!.!. so she proceeded to wipe with that!.
After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home!.
The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over!. He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:
"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION!.!.!. WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"
hope you like it! :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out!." They both were very faithful, loving wives!.!.!. however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio!.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery!. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them!. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them!.!.!. luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it!.!.!. so she proceeded to wipe with that!.
After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home!.
The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over!. He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:
"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION!.!.!. WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"
hope you like it! :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives!.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first brother a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it!. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him!?"
The first brother answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well!.!.!.uh!.!.!.that's because the picture I showed is his side profile!."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second brother and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him!?"
The second brother smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with!?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third brother and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him!?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer!." The brother looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses!." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not!. "Well, that's an interesting answer!. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that!." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face!.
"Wow! I can't believe it!. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses!. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation!?"
"That's easy," the third brother replied!. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first brother a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it!. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him!?"
The first brother answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well!.!.!.uh!.!.!.that's because the picture I showed is his side profile!."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second brother and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him!?"
The second brother smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with!?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third brother and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him!?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer!." The brother looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses!." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not!. "Well, that's an interesting answer!. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that!." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face!.
"Wow! I can't believe it!. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses!. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation!?"
"That's easy," the third brother replied!. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
So this girl goes up to her boyfriend and says "I heard you're a pedophile" and her boyfriend says "Ooooh, that's a pretty big word for an 8 year old"
Whats the worst thing about roller blading!?
Letting your parents know you're gay!.
Best Pick-up line:
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats the worst thing about roller blading!?
Letting your parents know you're gay!.
Best Pick-up line:
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Which black is chased by hundred other whites !?!?!?
Tiger woods
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Tiger woods
Www@Enter-QA@Com
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have in common!?
They both come on little white crackers!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
They both come on little white crackers!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
a man walks into a bar and says OUCH!
corny i know!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
corny i know!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
whats a shitzu!?!?
a zoo with no animalsWww@Enter-QA@Com
a zoo with no animalsWww@Enter-QA@Com