Everyone tell me a joke!?!
Question: Everyone tell me a joke!!?
Tell me a joke that made you REALLY LAUGH the first time you heard it!. I don't mind rude, offensive jokes, childish jokes, etc!. :) :)
Please not any obvious ones!
10 POINTS to the person who can make me laugh the most!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Please not any obvious ones!
10 POINTS to the person who can make me laugh the most!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
knock knock
whos there
bigish
bigish who
no thanks i have one
hey sisWww@Enter-QA@Com
whos there
bigish
bigish who
no thanks i have one
hey sisWww@Enter-QA@Com
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss!.
The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss!."
The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss!."
The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss!."
And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss!.
Finally, the a$$hole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss!.
All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the a$$hole being the boss!. The a$$hole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function!.
Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides!. All pleaded with the brain to let the a$$hole be declared the boss!.
And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the a$$hole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap!.
THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old a$$hole!.
Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single a$$hole!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss!."
The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss!."
The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss!."
And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss!.
Finally, the a$$hole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss!.
All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the a$$hole being the boss!. The a$$hole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function!.
Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides!. All pleaded with the brain to let the a$$hole be declared the boss!.
And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the a$$hole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap!.
THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old a$$hole!.
Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single a$$hole!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
ok um!.!.!.
three ducks on the side of the road!.!. cops sees them and takes them to jail!. the next day they go to court and the ducks walk in every one looks at them funny!.
Judge comes in and sees the ducks and says!.!. "*chuckle* you have got to be kidding me!?" the first duck comes up and the judge says "for the record state your name and why your here" the duck looks up at the judge and says!.!."my name is quack and i was blowing bubbles!."
the judge looks at the officer and says "are you serious!? 1st you make a !.!.!. never mind i don't wanna know" he turns back to the duck and says "you are excused just stay to hear what the others have to say" the second duck comes up and judge says "state your name and why you are here!. duck says "my name is quack quack and i was blowing bubbles" the judge get very irritated at this point and says "you are excused but please stay so we can here what the third has to say" the judge looks over at the officer again and says "you better hope to God this last duck did something illegal or something or you lose your job" the third duck comes up and the judge says "let me guess!.!. your name is quack quack quack and you were blowing bubbles!?" the duck starts to laugh and says "no!.!.!. I am BUBBLES"Www@Enter-QA@Com
three ducks on the side of the road!.!. cops sees them and takes them to jail!. the next day they go to court and the ducks walk in every one looks at them funny!.
Judge comes in and sees the ducks and says!.!. "*chuckle* you have got to be kidding me!?" the first duck comes up and the judge says "for the record state your name and why your here" the duck looks up at the judge and says!.!."my name is quack and i was blowing bubbles!."
the judge looks at the officer and says "are you serious!? 1st you make a !.!.!. never mind i don't wanna know" he turns back to the duck and says "you are excused just stay to hear what the others have to say" the second duck comes up and judge says "state your name and why you are here!. duck says "my name is quack quack and i was blowing bubbles" the judge get very irritated at this point and says "you are excused but please stay so we can here what the third has to say" the judge looks over at the officer again and says "you better hope to God this last duck did something illegal or something or you lose your job" the third duck comes up and the judge says "let me guess!.!. your name is quack quack quack and you were blowing bubbles!?" the duck starts to laugh and says "no!.!.!. I am BUBBLES"Www@Enter-QA@Com
'I really hate the one way system the signs are like that!. "I don't know man I don't know!." I hate asking for directions you always get the village freakin' idiots that always try to memorize it in their heads the like this!. '"Right I know this one, I know this one you go right, then you go left, then you go round the round about, round the round about!."' '"What are you doing!?"' '"Oh fcuk it i've missed me turning!."' '"What are you doing now!?"' '"I'm in the services and I'm fcuked!."' 'I love women though they think they've got special powers!. Oh yeah!. It's like the other night me missus will walk into our room and go '"Tada, what do you think!?"' Now before you open your mouth and say anything she'll go like that!. '"Nah you don't like it, You don't like it!."' How the fcuk do you know!?! and they think they're special they like to do a Claire Voiant they like to give a running commentary on what you're doing!. They'll go like that!. '"That's it slam the door stomp down the stairs!."' Another ones when they come into the kitchen!. "'That's it you'll sit there for 15mins and then you won't talk to me!. Then you'll come into the front room and try and talk to me but I won't talk to you!.'"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two mice wander into the dressing room of the Radio City Rockettes!. The first said, "Wow, look at all the gorgeous long legs on those gals!." The second said, "Doesn't do a thing for me!.!.I'm a titmouse!."
A three-year-old and his two-year-old brother decide they were going to shock their mother by cursing in front of her!. That morning when they went down to breakfast, their mother asks the 3yo, "What do you want for breakfast dear!?"
He replies, "I want some f*ckin' Cheerios!"
She goes, "What!?!", grabs the kid, gives his several swats on his butt, washes his mouth out with soap and sends him to his room crying!. She then asks the younger, "What do you want for breakfast!?"
He answers, "I sure as sh!t don't want any f*ckin' Cheerios!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A three-year-old and his two-year-old brother decide they were going to shock their mother by cursing in front of her!. That morning when they went down to breakfast, their mother asks the 3yo, "What do you want for breakfast dear!?"
He replies, "I want some f*ckin' Cheerios!"
She goes, "What!?!", grabs the kid, gives his several swats on his butt, washes his mouth out with soap and sends him to his room crying!. She then asks the younger, "What do you want for breakfast!?"
He answers, "I sure as sh!t don't want any f*ckin' Cheerios!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing!.
The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend!."
The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a convertible and a private jet for his friend!."
The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful"!. In fact, I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact!. I guess he must be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertible!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend!."
The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a convertible and a private jet for his friend!."
The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful"!. In fact, I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact!. I guess he must be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertible!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
JIGSAW PUZZLE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me!. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started!.
" Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished!?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger!."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle!. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table!.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger!."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax!. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me!. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started!.
" Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished!?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger!."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle!. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table!.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger!."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax!. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
Why!? OK, here goes,
A woman was looking in the mirror at her naked body with her husband close by, she said to her husband, "I wonder what I could do to make my breast bigger!?" He answered, "I know what you could do, rub toilet paper between your breast up and down!." The wife asked,"Are you sure, I would have never thought of that, how long will it take to make my breast bigger!?" The husband replied, "Years" The wife asked, "How do you know this will make my breast bigger!?" The husband answered, "It worked for your a$$ didn't it!"
Hope this put a smile on your face!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman was looking in the mirror at her naked body with her husband close by, she said to her husband, "I wonder what I could do to make my breast bigger!?" He answered, "I know what you could do, rub toilet paper between your breast up and down!." The wife asked,"Are you sure, I would have never thought of that, how long will it take to make my breast bigger!?" The husband replied, "Years" The wife asked, "How do you know this will make my breast bigger!?" The husband answered, "It worked for your a$$ didn't it!"
Hope this put a smile on your face!Www@Enter-QA@Com
two ladies walking home from the pub, bit pi$$ed, decide to stop in the graveyard for a pee!.
they dont like to drip dry so the first uses her knickers to wipe herself then throws them away, the second girl pulls a ribbon from a wreath to wipe herself, then pulls on her knickers and off they go back home!.
the next morning the ladies husbands are talking to each other about what their wives were up to last nite!.
the first man says "im worried about the mrs, she came home without her knickers last nite"
the second man replies "thats nothing, mine came home with a little card inbetween her ar$e cheeks that read 'from all the boys at the fire station, we'll never forget you x!!!'"Www@Enter-QA@Com
they dont like to drip dry so the first uses her knickers to wipe herself then throws them away, the second girl pulls a ribbon from a wreath to wipe herself, then pulls on her knickers and off they go back home!.
the next morning the ladies husbands are talking to each other about what their wives were up to last nite!.
the first man says "im worried about the mrs, she came home without her knickers last nite"
the second man replies "thats nothing, mine came home with a little card inbetween her ar$e cheeks that read 'from all the boys at the fire station, we'll never forget you x!!!'"Www@Enter-QA@Com
how do you make a woman scream twice!?
fu$k her up the **** and then wipe your co$k on the curtain!.
what do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny!.!.!.!.
a block of flaps
the royal family are bringing out a commemorative perfume in honour of princess di!.!.!.it's called IMPACTWww@Enter-QA@Com
fu$k her up the **** and then wipe your co$k on the curtain!.
what do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny!.!.!.!.
a block of flaps
the royal family are bringing out a commemorative perfume in honour of princess di!.!.!.it's called IMPACTWww@Enter-QA@Com
GOOD NEWS!
Call charges on your network are changing!.!.!. the uglier you are, the cheaper your phone calls!
As from today, your calls are FREE!
I would have phoned you to tell you, but calls cost ME a FORTUNE, now!
Edit: Ryan Willcox - I love that Lee Evans show! The funniest one he ever did, I think!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Call charges on your network are changing!.!.!. the uglier you are, the cheaper your phone calls!
As from today, your calls are FREE!
I would have phoned you to tell you, but calls cost ME a FORTUNE, now!
Edit: Ryan Willcox - I love that Lee Evans show! The funniest one he ever did, I think!Www@Enter-QA@Com
George Bush & his wife were having an evening round at Bill Clintons
house,after a few drinks they decided to swap partners!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.about an hour later Bush said to Clinton "Damm Bill,thats the best sex i've ever had!.!.!.!.!.!.!.i wonder how the girls got on"Www@Enter-QA@Com
house,after a few drinks they decided to swap partners!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.about an hour later Bush said to Clinton "Damm Bill,thats the best sex i've ever had!.!.!.!.!.!.!.i wonder how the girls got on"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Doris and Nora met in a cafe for coffee!. Doris says to Nora "Did you come on the bus!?" Nora replies "Yes, but I pretended it was an asthma attack!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
OK here it goes but its childish and stupid!!!
A cupcak is in the oven and the other cupckae says hey !.!.!.!.!.then the first cupcake says omfg its a talking cupcake!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A cupcak is in the oven and the other cupckae says hey !.!.!.!.!.then the first cupcake says omfg its a talking cupcake!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why did the blonde stare at the orange because it said concentrate!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
YOU LOOK ABSOLUTE , on the PC!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
why do blondes prefer BMW cars!?
because it is the only one they can spellWww@Enter-QA@Com
because it is the only one they can spellWww@Enter-QA@Com