What is the best joke that you know?!
Question: What is the best joke that you know!?
Answers:
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics!? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow!."
The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy!. Let’s say that I’m capitalism because I’m the breadwinner!. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future!. Does that help any!?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said!."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother’s crying!. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper!.
So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up!. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid!. Because he couldn’t do anything else, he turned and went back to bed!.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now!."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned!?"
Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of sh*t!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy!. Let’s say that I’m capitalism because I’m the breadwinner!. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future!. Does that help any!?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said!."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother’s crying!. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper!.
So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up!. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid!. Because he couldn’t do anything else, he turned and went back to bed!.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now!."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned!?"
Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of sh*t!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
EMBARRASSING??MEDICAL?EXAMS?????????????!.!.!.
?
1!. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!'?I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear!.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs --and I was in the wrong one!.??
Dr!. Mark MacDonald,? San Francisco??
2!. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall!. 'Big breaths,' I instructed!.
'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient!.???
Dr!. Richard Byrnes,? Seattle , WA??
3!. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction!.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart!.'
Dr!. Susan Steinberg
?4!. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications!. 'Which one!?' I asked!. 'The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had
?him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see!. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body!? Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one!.??
Dr!. Rebecca St!. Clair,? Norfolk , VA
?5!. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
'How long have you been bedridden!?' After a look of complete
confusion she answered!. Why, not for about twenty years -
when my husband was alive!.'
Dr!. Steven Swanson,?Corvallis
6!. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning!?' 'It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly!. I can't seem to get used to the taste'
the patient replied!. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly!.'????
Dr!. Leonard Kransdorf,? Detroit , MI
??7!. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered!. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery!. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass!.' Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn'??
Submitted by RN no name
?AND FINALLY!!!!.!. !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. !.!.!.!.!.
??8!. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams!. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly!. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me!. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry!.!. Was I
tickling you!?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!.???
Dr!. wouldn't submit his name
knock knock,
whos there!?
ya,
ya who!?
!.com {yahoo!.com}Www@Enter-QA@Com
?
1!. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!'?I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear!.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs --and I was in the wrong one!.??
Dr!. Mark MacDonald,? San Francisco??
2!. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall!. 'Big breaths,' I instructed!.
'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient!.???
Dr!. Richard Byrnes,? Seattle , WA??
3!. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction!.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart!.'
Dr!. Susan Steinberg
?4!. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications!. 'Which one!?' I asked!. 'The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had
?him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see!. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body!? Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one!.??
Dr!. Rebecca St!. Clair,? Norfolk , VA
?5!. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
'How long have you been bedridden!?' After a look of complete
confusion she answered!. Why, not for about twenty years -
when my husband was alive!.'
Dr!. Steven Swanson,?Corvallis
6!. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning!?' 'It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly!. I can't seem to get used to the taste'
the patient replied!. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly!.'????
Dr!. Leonard Kransdorf,? Detroit , MI
??7!. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered!. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery!. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass!.' Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn'??
Submitted by RN no name
?AND FINALLY!!!!.!. !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. !.!.!.!.!.
??8!. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams!. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly!. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me!. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry!.!. Was I
tickling you!?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!.???
Dr!. wouldn't submit his name
knock knock,
whos there!?
ya,
ya who!?
!.com {yahoo!.com}Www@Enter-QA@Com
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they had a standing $1000 bet!. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron!.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money!. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it!.
One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit!.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice!. After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away!. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man!.
The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living!. Was he a lumberjack, or a weightlifter, or what!?
"I work for the IRS!."
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues!. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side of the Lexus!. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up!. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically!. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it!. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief!.
''I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,'' he said!. ''You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else!.''
''How can you say such a thing!?'' asked the lawyer!.
The cop replied, ''Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down!? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you!.''
''Ahhh!'' screamed the lawyer!. ''Where's my Rolex!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money!. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it!.
One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit!.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice!. After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away!. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man!.
The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living!. Was he a lumberjack, or a weightlifter, or what!?
"I work for the IRS!."
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues!. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side of the Lexus!. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up!. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically!. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it!. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief!.
''I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,'' he said!. ''You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else!.''
''How can you say such a thing!?'' asked the lawyer!.
The cop replied, ''Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down!? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you!.''
''Ahhh!'' screamed the lawyer!. ''Where's my Rolex!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
i actually know 3 pretty funny ones!.!.!.ok
Q-where does the general keep his armies!?
A-Up his sleevies!
Q-when is a door not a door!?
A-when its a jar!
and this one is a story type joke!.
ok so a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants and the bartender says to him, so why do u have a steering wheel in your pants!? and the pirate says arg its driving me nuts!
haha lol ok thats the best i gotWww@Enter-QA@Com
Q-where does the general keep his armies!?
A-Up his sleevies!
Q-when is a door not a door!?
A-when its a jar!
and this one is a story type joke!.
ok so a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants and the bartender says to him, so why do u have a steering wheel in your pants!? and the pirate says arg its driving me nuts!
haha lol ok thats the best i gotWww@Enter-QA@Com
Cowboy walks into the bar
A cowboy walks into a bar and after two steps in, he realizes it's a gay Bar!.
What the heck,' he says to himself, 'I really want a drink!.'
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, 'What's the name of your manhood!?'
The cowboy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that!. All I want is a Drink!.'
The gay waiter says, 'I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you Tell me the name of your willy!. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the Slogan 'Just Do It!.'
That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It Really Satisfies!.'
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over!.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, 'Hey bud, what's the name of yours!?'
The man looks back and says with a smile, 'TIMEX!.'
The thirsty cowboy asks, 'Why Timex!?'
The fella proudly replies, 'Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on Tickin!'
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who Happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, 'So, what do you guys call yours!?'
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, 'FORD, because 'Quality is Job One'!.' Then he adds, 'Have you driven a Ford lately!?' The guy next to him then says, 'I call mine CHEVY!.!.!.!.!.'Like a Rock!'!.!.!. And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood!.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims,'The name of my willy is SECRET!. Now give me a beer!.'
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, 'Why Secret!?'
The cowboy says, 'Because it's' STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A cowboy walks into a bar and after two steps in, he realizes it's a gay Bar!.
What the heck,' he says to himself, 'I really want a drink!.'
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, 'What's the name of your manhood!?'
The cowboy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that!. All I want is a Drink!.'
The gay waiter says, 'I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you Tell me the name of your willy!. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the Slogan 'Just Do It!.'
That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It Really Satisfies!.'
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over!.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, 'Hey bud, what's the name of yours!?'
The man looks back and says with a smile, 'TIMEX!.'
The thirsty cowboy asks, 'Why Timex!?'
The fella proudly replies, 'Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on Tickin!'
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who Happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, 'So, what do you guys call yours!?'
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, 'FORD, because 'Quality is Job One'!.' Then he adds, 'Have you driven a Ford lately!?' The guy next to him then says, 'I call mine CHEVY!.!.!.!.!.'Like a Rock!'!.!.!. And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood!.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims,'The name of my willy is SECRET!. Now give me a beer!.'
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, 'Why Secret!?'
The cowboy says, 'Because it's' STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Guy walks into a shrink's office naked, except the plastic wrap he is using as underwear!.
Doc comes into waiting room!.
Crazy guy- "Doc! What the heck is wrong with me!?"
Doc- "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Doc comes into waiting room!.
Crazy guy- "Doc! What the heck is wrong with me!?"
Doc- "Well, I can clearly see your nuts!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ok i'm not a racist at all i just thought this was funny!. My friend (black) asked me "Why was six afraid of 7!?!.!.!.7 was black"Www@Enter-QA@Com
My husband!.!.!.!.no i guess thats not right he is a poor excuse for a husband not a joke sorry!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
My favorite is a knock-knock joke, but you have to start it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
man walks into a bar
nd says ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol hahahahahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
nd says ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol hahahahahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
youWww@Enter-QA@Com