I need a joke......please?!
Question: I need a joke!.!.!.!.!.!.please!?
a friend of mine is all sad and stuff
and im trying to make him laugh with a joke
but I don't know any funny ones
helpp!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
and im trying to make him laugh with a joke
but I don't know any funny ones
helpp!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
two nuts was walking down the street
one was assaultedWww@Enter-QA@Com
one was assaultedWww@Enter-QA@Com
Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity!.
1!. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars!. See If They Slow Down!.
2!. Page Yourself Over The Intercom!. Don't Disguise Your Voice!.
3!. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that!.
4!. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In!."
5!. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso!.
6!. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"
7!. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy!."
8 !. Don't use any punctuation
9!. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk!.
10!. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face!.
11!. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go!."
12!. Sing Along At The Opera!.
13!. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme!?
14!. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day!.
15!. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood!.
16!. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom!.
17!. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18!. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19!. Tell Your Children Over Dinner!. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go!."
20!. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Its Called !.!.!.!.!.!.!. therapy
**I guess not really a JOKE, but I think it is funny! Hope it would cheer him up!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
1!. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars!. See If They Slow Down!.
2!. Page Yourself Over The Intercom!. Don't Disguise Your Voice!.
3!. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that!.
4!. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In!."
5!. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso!.
6!. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"
7!. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy!."
8 !. Don't use any punctuation
9!. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk!.
10!. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face!.
11!. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go!."
12!. Sing Along At The Opera!.
13!. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme!?
14!. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day!.
15!. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood!.
16!. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom!.
17!. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18!. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19!. Tell Your Children Over Dinner!. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go!."
20!. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Its Called !.!.!.!.!.!.!. therapy
**I guess not really a JOKE, but I think it is funny! Hope it would cheer him up!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'!. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone!.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more!.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone!.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night!.!. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion!.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do!. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away!. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone!. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone!.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why !?!?!?
OH, come on!.!.!. take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows!.!.!.
You can't kill Two Birds
with OneStone !!!
This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink!. He stays like that for half-an-hour!. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down!. The poor man starts crying!.
The bully says: ''Come on man, I was just joking!. Tell ya what, I'll buy you another drink!. I just can't see a man crying!.''
''No, it's not that!. Today day is the worst of my life!. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting!. My boss was outrageous and fired me!. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen!. The police said they could do nothing!. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off!. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab!. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man!. I left home and came to this bar!. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!.!.!.
A redhead, and brunette, and a blonde are taking a stroll down the sidewalk!. This man approaches them, and said, "If you tell rhis mirror a truth, it will grant your greatest wish, tell it a lie and you will disappear forever!."
So the brunette thinks, and then goes, "My favorite color is green!. Wait, no! It's bl--!." *POOF*
The redhead thinks, and then goes, "I think that my favorite shoe are my Converse!. Wait, no! They're my Va--!." *POOF*
The blonde goes, "I think--!." *POOF*Www@Enter-QA@Com
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'!. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone!.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more!.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone!.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night!.!. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion!.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do!. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away!. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone!. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone!.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why !?!?!?
OH, come on!.!.!. take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows!.!.!.
You can't kill Two Birds
with OneStone !!!
This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink!. He stays like that for half-an-hour!. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down!. The poor man starts crying!.
The bully says: ''Come on man, I was just joking!. Tell ya what, I'll buy you another drink!. I just can't see a man crying!.''
''No, it's not that!. Today day is the worst of my life!. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting!. My boss was outrageous and fired me!. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen!. The police said they could do nothing!. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off!. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab!. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man!. I left home and came to this bar!. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!.!.!.
A redhead, and brunette, and a blonde are taking a stroll down the sidewalk!. This man approaches them, and said, "If you tell rhis mirror a truth, it will grant your greatest wish, tell it a lie and you will disappear forever!."
So the brunette thinks, and then goes, "My favorite color is green!. Wait, no! It's bl--!." *POOF*
The redhead thinks, and then goes, "I think that my favorite shoe are my Converse!. Wait, no! They're my Va--!." *POOF*
The blonde goes, "I think--!." *POOF*Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two monks of the order of St Benedict and two priest of the Company of Jesus are on a train going to Vatican II!. The two monks each have a ticket, but the two priests only have one between them!. When the controller arrives, the priests run to the toilet!. The controller knocks on the door and says "Ticket please!" The door opens just a crack, and a ticket appears!. "Thank you!" The two monks are amazed by the trick of the two priests!. On the return journey, the two monks have one ticket, and the priests!.!.!.don't have any!. When the controller arrives, the two monks run to the toilet!. The two priests run after them and say "Ticket please!"
Note: This is funny if the "Ticket please!" is said in an outgoing wayWww@Enter-QA@Com
Note: This is funny if the "Ticket please!" is said in an outgoing wayWww@Enter-QA@Com
A man decides his life is a shambles and plans to kill himself!. He goes to a bridge and is about to jump off when along comes the ugliest woman he'd ever seen in his life!.
She asks, "Why are you going to jump!?"
He replies, "I just got fired, I'm broke and my wife left me!. I have nothing to live for!"
"You're in luck! I'm a witch and can solve all your problems!. All you have to do is agree to spend the night with me and you'll be the boss at your job, have a bank account full of money and your wife will be waiting for you when you return home!."
The man takes another look at her hideous face and shudders, but decides it's worth it to turn his life around!. She takes him back to his house and he spends the worst night of lovemaking he ever experienced!. In the morning as he's getting dressed, she asks him, "Hey sonny, just how old are you anyway!?"
"I'm 37!.!.!.why!?"
"Aren't you a little old to believe in witches!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
She asks, "Why are you going to jump!?"
He replies, "I just got fired, I'm broke and my wife left me!. I have nothing to live for!"
"You're in luck! I'm a witch and can solve all your problems!. All you have to do is agree to spend the night with me and you'll be the boss at your job, have a bank account full of money and your wife will be waiting for you when you return home!."
The man takes another look at her hideous face and shudders, but decides it's worth it to turn his life around!. She takes him back to his house and he spends the worst night of lovemaking he ever experienced!. In the morning as he's getting dressed, she asks him, "Hey sonny, just how old are you anyway!?"
"I'm 37!.!.!.why!?"
"Aren't you a little old to believe in witches!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Under The Bed
One night, three guys are at a bar talking and they all think their wives are cheating on them!.
The first guy says he thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed!.
They all agree, and the second guy tells his story!. He says he thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed!.
They all agree, and then the third guy says, "That's nothing! My wife is the worst! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed!. I can't believe she's screwing a horse!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
One night, three guys are at a bar talking and they all think their wives are cheating on them!.
The first guy says he thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed!.
They all agree, and the second guy tells his story!. He says he thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed!.
They all agree, and then the third guy says, "That's nothing! My wife is the worst! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed!. I can't believe she's screwing a horse!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students!. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby!.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first"!. Boys start giving their intro!.!.!.
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub"!.
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting!. Well, Ok!. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby!. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us!. So it's ok John!. Yes next"!.
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub!."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good!. I like the spirit of supporting a friend!. Ok next"!.
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub"!.
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what!? Please be sincere!. Ok next"!.
This continues!.!.!.
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub"!. Shocked
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long!. Anyway, now the girls please!."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds"!.
Teacher: "Good!. At last I got something different!. Ok next"!.
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes"!.
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls!. Ok next!.
You sweet Girl; Yes you!.!.!." Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day" Www@Enter-QA@Com
there was once a cat by the name of jolie
the cat was fat and had brown fur
in the evening the cat farted
at night it ate pie
in the morning it ate boogers
this cat was alright!.!.!.
now the question here is what is the name of the cat!? and no it is not jolie!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the cat was fat and had brown fur
in the evening the cat farted
at night it ate pie
in the morning it ate boogers
this cat was alright!.!.!.
now the question here is what is the name of the cat!? and no it is not jolie!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde is driving on her way to work!.
Her husband calls her cellphone, and tells her to be careful
because there is a crazed driver
going the wrong way on the 405!.
To which the blond replies "Yeah there's not just one,
there's f*cking hundreds of them!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
how do u say fish without the i!?
f'sh
what do you call an indian in the hospital!?
ever sick
what did the indian say when his dog went over the cliff!?
dog gone!
hope that puts a smile on ur friends face!Www@Enter-QA@Com
f'sh
what do you call an indian in the hospital!?
ever sick
what did the indian say when his dog went over the cliff!?
dog gone!
hope that puts a smile on ur friends face!Www@Enter-QA@Com
when i'm bummed i go to this website: http://jokes!.comedycentral!.com/joke_of_d!.!.!.
comedy central has some really good jokes :]Www@Enter-QA@Com
comedy central has some really good jokes :]Www@Enter-QA@Com
ur came to the right place hon, just look around!. there are some good ones!. the best ones have been starred by others so!.!.!.
hope ur friend will feel better about whatever got him/her down!.
keep ur chin up!. it will resolve itself
Www@Enter-QA@Com
hope ur friend will feel better about whatever got him/her down!.
keep ur chin up!. it will resolve itself
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Doctor has sex with one of his patientsand feels extremely guilty about it!.
The next day he hears voices in his head
One says"It's ok lots of Doctors do it"
A second says "You sick F**K your a vet"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The next day he hears voices in his head
One says"It's ok lots of Doctors do it"
A second says "You sick F**K your a vet"Www@Enter-QA@Com
what did one ghost say to another ghost!?
do u believe in humans
what did one cat say to another cat when a human passed by!?
uh uh let us go the other way!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
do u believe in humans
what did one cat say to another cat when a human passed by!?
uh uh let us go the other way!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Wanna hear a joke!? Women's rights, lol jkWww@Enter-QA@Com