Tell me some 3 to 4 jokes?!
Question: Tell me some 3 to 4 jokes!?
Answers:
John went to a restaurant to eat!.!.!.
WAITER: sir, are you done!?
JOHN: no, I'm John
WAITER: no, I mean, are you through!?
JOHN: no, I'm human!.
WAITER: what I mean is, are you finished!?
JOHN: no! I'm American!
Tarzan in the jungle
One day, Tarzan was taking a bath in a lake!.!.!.
when some animals saw him, they laughed!.!.!.!.
Tarzan, curious, asked them, "what's funny!?"
A monkey said, "your tail's in front"
There were two nuns!.!.!.
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL)!.
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent!.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight
and a half minutes!? I wonder what he wants!.
SL: It's logical!. He wants to rape us!.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most!? What can we do!?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster!.
SM: It's not working!.
SL: Of course it's not working!. The man did the only logical thing!. He started to walk faster, too!.
SM: So, what shall we do!? At this rate he will reach us in one minute!.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split!. You go that way and I'll go this way!. He cannot follow us both!.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical!.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical!.
Then Sister Logical arrives!.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened!. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then!?
SL: The only logical thing happened!. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could!.
SM: And!?
SL: The only logical thing happened!. He reached me!.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do!?
SL: The only logical thing to do!. I lifted my dress up!.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do!?
SL: The only logical thing to do!. He pulled down his pants!.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then!?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister!?
A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
WAITER: sir, are you done!?
JOHN: no, I'm John
WAITER: no, I mean, are you through!?
JOHN: no, I'm human!.
WAITER: what I mean is, are you finished!?
JOHN: no! I'm American!
Tarzan in the jungle
One day, Tarzan was taking a bath in a lake!.!.!.
when some animals saw him, they laughed!.!.!.!.
Tarzan, curious, asked them, "what's funny!?"
A monkey said, "your tail's in front"
There were two nuns!.!.!.
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL)!.
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent!.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight
and a half minutes!? I wonder what he wants!.
SL: It's logical!. He wants to rape us!.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most!? What can we do!?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster!.
SM: It's not working!.
SL: Of course it's not working!. The man did the only logical thing!. He started to walk faster, too!.
SM: So, what shall we do!? At this rate he will reach us in one minute!.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split!. You go that way and I'll go this way!. He cannot follow us both!.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical!.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical!.
Then Sister Logical arrives!.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened!. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then!?
SL: The only logical thing happened!. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could!.
SM: And!?
SL: The only logical thing happened!. He reached me!.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do!?
SL: The only logical thing to do!. I lifted my dress up!.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do!?
SL: The only logical thing to do!. He pulled down his pants!.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then!?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister!?
A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer!. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute!.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity!. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way!?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income!?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um !.!.!. no!."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair!?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again!.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children!?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea!.!.!."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you!?"
Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only!." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in!.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works!. "We have 5 floors!. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there!. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside!."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain!." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor!.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome!." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up!.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain!."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up!.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome!." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left!. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor!.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here!. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer!. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute!.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity!. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way!?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income!?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um !.!.!. no!."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair!?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again!.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children!?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea!.!.!."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you!?"
Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only!." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in!.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works!. "We have 5 floors!. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there!. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside!."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain!." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor!.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome!." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up!.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain!."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up!.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome!." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left!. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor!.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here!. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
LOADS - Though you askd for 3 - 4 jokes ^^
1)Name That Animal, Kids
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal!. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this!?"
"A cat!" said Suzy!.
"Good job! Now, what's this animal!?"
"A dog!" said Ricky!.
"Good! Now what animal is this!?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer!.
The class fell silent!. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad!."
"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie!.
2)Farmer and the Cow
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed!.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain!. This morning I was outside milking!. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole!.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too!.
As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt!.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!
3)The Wrong Way
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang!.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280!. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
4)Penguins go to the zoo!
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up!. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car!.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat!?"
The man in the car says "I found them!. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue!."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo!."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away!.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station!. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car!.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time!. Today I am taking them to the beach!."
LOL!.!.!. Hope these gets a chuckle out of YOU! ?
XOXOXxxWww@Enter-QA@Com
1)Name That Animal, Kids
Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal!. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this!?"
"A cat!" said Suzy!.
"Good job! Now, what's this animal!?"
"A dog!" said Ricky!.
"Good! Now what animal is this!?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer!.
The class fell silent!. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad!."
"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie!.
2)Farmer and the Cow
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed!.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain!. This morning I was outside milking!. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole!.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too!.
As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt!.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!
3)The Wrong Way
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang!.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280!. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
4)Penguins go to the zoo!
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up!. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car!.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat!?"
The man in the car says "I found them!. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue!."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo!."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away!.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station!. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car!.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time!. Today I am taking them to the beach!."
LOL!.!.!. Hope these gets a chuckle out of YOU! ?
XOXOXxxWww@Enter-QA@Com
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike!. He's got two large bags over his shoulders!.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags!?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji!.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that!. Get off the bike!.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand!. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags!. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border!.
A week later, the same thing happens!. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got!?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji!.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand!. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike!. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years!.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad!.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something!. It's driving me crazy!. It's all I think about!.!.!.I can't sleep!. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling!?'
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with!. A month later he returned to the
dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died!. A month later he was back at t he dealer for
another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died!.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep!.'
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up!. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results!. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says!. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left!." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man!. "How long have I got!?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly!. "Ten!?" the man asks!. "Ten what!? Months!? Weeks!? What!?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine!.!.!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags!?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji!.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that!. Get off the bike!.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand!. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags!. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border!.
A week later, the same thing happens!. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got!?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji!.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand!. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike!. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years!.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad!.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something!. It's driving me crazy!. It's all I think about!.!.!.I can't sleep!. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling!?'
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with!. A month later he returned to the
dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died!. A month later he was back at t he dealer for
another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died!.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep!.'
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up!. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results!. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says!. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left!." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man!. "How long have I got!?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly!. "Ten!?" the man asks!. "Ten what!? Months!? Weeks!? What!?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine!.!.!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Blind Man Telling Blonde Joke
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool!. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke!?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet!.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something!. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb!. blonde with a black belt in karate!. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter!. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler!. Think about it seriously, mister!. You still wanna tell that joke!?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!."
JIGSAW PUZZLE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me!. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started!.
" Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished!?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger!."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle!. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table!.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger!."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax!. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box
Italian Girl!.!.!.!.
For several years, an American man was having an affair with an Italian woman!.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant!. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child!.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18!. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born!. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back!. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin!.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife!.
'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today!.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said!. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted!.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti!.
Three with meatballs, two without!.
'Send extra sauce!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool!. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke!?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet!.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something!. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb!. blonde with a black belt in karate!. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter!. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler!. Think about it seriously, mister!. You still wanna tell that joke!?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!."
JIGSAW PUZZLE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me!. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started!.
" Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished!?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger!."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle!. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table!.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger!."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax!. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box
Italian Girl!.!.!.!.
For several years, an American man was having an affair with an Italian woman!.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant!. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child!.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18!. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born!. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back!. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin!.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife!.
'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today!.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said!. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted!.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti!.
Three with meatballs, two without!.
'Send extra sauce!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde is driving on her way to work!.
Her husband calls her cellphone, and tells her to be careful
because there is a crazed driver
going the wrong way on the 405!.
To which the blond replies "Yeah there's not just one,
there's f*cking hundreds of them!"
------------------
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Man: Is there any way for long life!?
Dr: Get married!.
Man: Will it help!?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come!.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding!?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do!?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes!.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged!.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered!.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It is difficult to understand GOD!. He makes such beautiful things as women
and then he turns them into Wives!.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Dr: Get married!.
Man: Will it help!?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come!.
------------ --------- --------- ----
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding!?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do!?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes!.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged!.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered!.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It is difficult to understand GOD!. He makes such beautiful things as women
and then he turns them into Wives!.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Www@Enter-QA@Com
1]ha ha ha
2]he he he
3]o o o o
4]sajna sajna sajnaWww@Enter-QA@Com
2]he he he
3]o o o o
4]sajna sajna sajnaWww@Enter-QA@Com
I'M TELLING YOU 3 TO 4 JOKES, I'VE TOLD YOU!.Www@Enter-QA@Com