Here are some jokes.Hope you like them.?!
Question: Here are some jokes!.Hope you like them!.!?
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband!.
The mother asks the daughter, "what are you doing naked!?"
The daughter responds, "This is the dress of love!."
When the mother returns home, She strips naked and waits for her husband!.
When her husband arrives, he asks her, "what are you doing naked, woman!?
"She responds: "This is the dress of love!."
And he said to her: "Well, go iron it!."
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong!. Through his tears the old man answers,"I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman!."
"What's wrong with that!?" asks the young man!. Between his sobs and sniffles,he answers, "You don't understand!. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love!.!.!. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal!. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want!. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love!." He breaks down, no longer able to speak!.
The young man puts his arm around him!. "I don't understand!. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship!. Why are you crying!?"The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live!."
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
After a day at the beach Moe asked "Joe, how come all the girls are interested in you, and they don't pay any attention to me"!?
Joe said," well, if you won't tell anyone I'll tell you my secret!. All you have to do is put a potato in your swimming suit!. Then they will notice you!"
After the next day at the beach, Moe said "Joe look, I did what you said, and all they did was laugh at me!.
" Joe said" NO,NO,Moe, Put it in front! Not in back!!
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess!. The route they were flying had a layover in another city!. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight!.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing!. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened!. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room!. “You can’t get out of your room!?” the captain asked, “Why not!?”
The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
I recently entered my favourite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at my regular table, I noticed a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table!.
I called the waiter over and asked for their best bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is mine!.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there!. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to me!.
Her note reads:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants!."
I, after reading her note, chuckled, and sent a note of my own back to her!.
My note read:
"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850 and a Mercedes 600 SL in my garage!. I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank!. But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer!. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray!.
Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung!.
Black Bear dung is rather small and round!. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it!.
Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray!
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner!. Good morning," said the young man!. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners!.
"Go away!" said the old lady!. "I haven't got any money!" and she Www@Enter-QA@Com
The mother asks the daughter, "what are you doing naked!?"
The daughter responds, "This is the dress of love!."
When the mother returns home, She strips naked and waits for her husband!.
When her husband arrives, he asks her, "what are you doing naked, woman!?
"She responds: "This is the dress of love!."
And he said to her: "Well, go iron it!."
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong!. Through his tears the old man answers,"I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman!."
"What's wrong with that!?" asks the young man!. Between his sobs and sniffles,he answers, "You don't understand!. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love!.!.!. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal!. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want!. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love!." He breaks down, no longer able to speak!.
The young man puts his arm around him!. "I don't understand!. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship!. Why are you crying!?"The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live!."
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
After a day at the beach Moe asked "Joe, how come all the girls are interested in you, and they don't pay any attention to me"!?
Joe said," well, if you won't tell anyone I'll tell you my secret!. All you have to do is put a potato in your swimming suit!. Then they will notice you!"
After the next day at the beach, Moe said "Joe look, I did what you said, and all they did was laugh at me!.
" Joe said" NO,NO,Moe, Put it in front! Not in back!!
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess!. The route they were flying had a layover in another city!. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight!.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing!. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened!. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room!. “You can’t get out of your room!?” the captain asked, “Why not!?”
The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
I recently entered my favourite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at my regular table, I noticed a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table!.
I called the waiter over and asked for their best bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is mine!.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there!. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to me!.
Her note reads:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants!."
I, after reading her note, chuckled, and sent a note of my own back to her!.
My note read:
"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850 and a Mercedes 600 SL in my garage!. I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank!. But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off!.
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer!. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray!.
Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung!.
Black Bear dung is rather small and round!. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it!.
Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray!
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner!. Good morning," said the young man!. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners!.
"Go away!" said the old lady!. "I haven't got any money!" and she Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Great jokes, keep em coming!.
For those that want the rest of the last joke it goes like this!.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner!. Good morning," said the young man!. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners!.
"Go away!" said the old lady!. "I haven't got any money!" and she quickly shuts the door!.
However the sales puts his foot in front of the door before it shuts and pushes his way in saying "just give me a chance!."
The salesman then proceeds to dump a large amount of horse manure on the carpet and says "I will personally eat any of the crap that this vacuum cant pick up!."
The old lady replies "you better be hungry cause the electricity got switch off yesturday!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
For those that want the rest of the last joke it goes like this!.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner!. Good morning," said the young man!. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners!.
"Go away!" said the old lady!. "I haven't got any money!" and she quickly shuts the door!.
However the sales puts his foot in front of the door before it shuts and pushes his way in saying "just give me a chance!."
The salesman then proceeds to dump a large amount of horse manure on the carpet and says "I will personally eat any of the crap that this vacuum cant pick up!."
The old lady replies "you better be hungry cause the electricity got switch off yesturday!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
I need one of those new Irons for my wrinkles, lol!.
Dang if that don't sound like a bell and smell like pepper spray! LOL
I would like to know the rest of the little old lady and the Vac storyWww@Enter-QA@Com
Dang if that don't sound like a bell and smell like pepper spray! LOL
I would like to know the rest of the little old lady and the Vac storyWww@Enter-QA@Com
Hahahahaha
liked most of them - not the Moe and Joe one, the airline one or the last one - but the others are jewels!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
liked most of them - not the Moe and Joe one, the airline one or the last one - but the others are jewels!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
luv them all but i would like to know what the end of the old lady and the vac man isWww@Enter-QA@Com
Thanks for the laughs ! :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
These are golden, good job, each one made me laugh!. BUT FINISH THE LAST ONE!!!! PLEASE!! Very Good job on these!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Thanks for a laugh!.!.!.at 1:30 in the morning!. XD I woke someone up!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
love the first one!.but
can you please finish
the last one!?!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
can you please finish
the last one!?!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
I think some of the last one is missing!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.lol!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
gr8!!!!!!! i had a gud laugh!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.thanx!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.and here comes a star 4 u!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.n plz complete the last one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com