What is the best red neck joke you've ever heard?!
Question: What is the best red neck joke you've ever heard!?
i just moved to texas, so i need some good onesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
you might be a red neck if your neck is sun burnt! haha haha haha haha it's funny, right!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
A red neck goes to a hardware store!. He asks the employee for a chainsaw!. The employee shows him a chainsaw and tells him it can saw through things almost instantly!. The redneck buys it!.
The next day, the red neck comes back to the store!. He says that the chainsaw is defective and that it took him a whole day to cut one tree down!. The employee says: " Let's take a look at it then"!. The employee turns the chainsaw on!. The redneck asks: " What's that noise coming from the chainsaw"!?
If you don't get the joke, it's that he never turned the chainsaw on when he used it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The next day, the red neck comes back to the store!. He says that the chainsaw is defective and that it took him a whole day to cut one tree down!. The employee says: " Let's take a look at it then"!. The employee turns the chainsaw on!. The redneck asks: " What's that noise coming from the chainsaw"!?
If you don't get the joke, it's that he never turned the chainsaw on when he used it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I know it's not redneck but it's got a Texan!. So here goes!.
Three cowboys (one from Texas, Arizona, and Arkansas) are going through the desert and stop to camp out for the night!. They started swapping manly stories!.
Texan: I was a star bull rider!. I wrestled a bull to the ground and broke its neck with my bare hands!.
Arizona: Well I was bit by a rattle snake!. After it bit me, I grabbed it, bit it's head off, sucked out the poison and used the snake as a tourniquet!.
Arkansas: He didn't say anything, just stirred the coals with his d***!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three cowboys (one from Texas, Arizona, and Arkansas) are going through the desert and stop to camp out for the night!. They started swapping manly stories!.
Texan: I was a star bull rider!. I wrestled a bull to the ground and broke its neck with my bare hands!.
Arizona: Well I was bit by a rattle snake!. After it bit me, I grabbed it, bit it's head off, sucked out the poison and used the snake as a tourniquet!.
Arkansas: He didn't say anything, just stirred the coals with his d***!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
red neck true or false quiz
A menstrual cycle has three wheels!. True or False
Asphalt describes rectal problems!. True or False
Spread Eagle is an extinct bird!. True or False
Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack!. True or False
The clitoris is a type of flower!. True or False
A G-string is part of a fiddle!. True or False
Semen is a term for sailors!. True or False
Anus is a Latin term for yearly!. True or False
Testicles are found on an Octopus!. True or False
A pubic hair is a wild rabbit!. True or False
KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati!. True or False
Masturbate is used to catch large fish!. True or False
Coitus is a musical instrument!. True or False
Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke!. True or False
An umbilical cord is part of a parachute!. True or False
A condom is a large apartment complex!. True or False
An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir!. True or False
A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry!. True or False
A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle!. True or False
An erection is when Japanese people vote!. True or False
A lesbian is a person from the Middle East!. True or False
Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass!. True or False
Pornography is the business of making records!. True or False
Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin!. True or False
Douche is the French word for "twelve!." True or False
TEXAS
A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter!. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style!." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville!. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo!. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft!. Worth and back to Dallas!.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns!."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A menstrual cycle has three wheels!. True or False
Asphalt describes rectal problems!. True or False
Spread Eagle is an extinct bird!. True or False
Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack!. True or False
The clitoris is a type of flower!. True or False
A G-string is part of a fiddle!. True or False
Semen is a term for sailors!. True or False
Anus is a Latin term for yearly!. True or False
Testicles are found on an Octopus!. True or False
A pubic hair is a wild rabbit!. True or False
KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati!. True or False
Masturbate is used to catch large fish!. True or False
Coitus is a musical instrument!. True or False
Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke!. True or False
An umbilical cord is part of a parachute!. True or False
A condom is a large apartment complex!. True or False
An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir!. True or False
A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry!. True or False
A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle!. True or False
An erection is when Japanese people vote!. True or False
A lesbian is a person from the Middle East!. True or False
Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass!. True or False
Pornography is the business of making records!. True or False
Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin!. True or False
Douche is the French word for "twelve!." True or False
TEXAS
A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter!. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style!." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville!. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo!. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft!. Worth and back to Dallas!.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns!."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have!?"
"Ten," she replied!.
"And what are their names!?" he asked!.
"Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob!."
"They're ALL named Bob!?" he asked!. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside!?"
"Oh, that's easy," she explained, "I just call 'Bob,' and they all come running inside!."
"And if you want them to come to the table for dinner!?"
"I just say, 'Bob, come eat your dinner,' and they do!." She answered!.
"But what if you want just ONE of them to do something!?" he asked!.
"Oh, that's easy," she said!. "I just use their last name!."
--
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation!. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different!. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go!.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii!. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant!.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again!.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again!."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different!?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Ten," she replied!.
"And what are their names!?" he asked!.
"Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob!."
"They're ALL named Bob!?" he asked!. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside!?"
"Oh, that's easy," she explained, "I just call 'Bob,' and they all come running inside!."
"And if you want them to come to the table for dinner!?"
"I just say, 'Bob, come eat your dinner,' and they do!." She answered!.
"But what if you want just ONE of them to do something!?" he asked!.
"Oh, that's easy," she said!. "I just use their last name!."
--
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation!. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different!. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go!.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii!. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant!.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again!.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again!."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different!?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
Redneck letter
Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast!. We don't live
where we did when you left home!. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved!.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family
that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't
have to change their address!.
This place is really nice!. It even has a washing machine!. I'm
not sure it works so well, though!. Last week I put a load of clothes in and
pulled the chain!. We haven't seen them since!.
The weather isn't bad here!. It only rained twice last week; the first time
for three days and the second time for four days!. About that coat you
wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send
in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the
pockets!.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday!. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your father out!.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out
what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle!. The baby looks
just like your brother!.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week!. Some men tried to pull
him out but he fought them off and drowned!. We had him cremated, he burned
for three days!.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck!. Butch was
driving!. He rolled down the window and swam to safety!. Your other two
friends were in the back!. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down!.
There isn't much more news at this time!. Nothing much out of the normal has
happened!.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
PS, I was going to send you some money but I already sealed the envelope!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast!. We don't live
where we did when you left home!. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved!.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family
that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't
have to change their address!.
This place is really nice!. It even has a washing machine!. I'm
not sure it works so well, though!. Last week I put a load of clothes in and
pulled the chain!. We haven't seen them since!.
The weather isn't bad here!. It only rained twice last week; the first time
for three days and the second time for four days!. About that coat you
wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send
in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the
pockets!.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday!. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your father out!.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out
what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle!. The baby looks
just like your brother!.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week!. Some men tried to pull
him out but he fought them off and drowned!. We had him cremated, he burned
for three days!.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck!. Butch was
driving!. He rolled down the window and swam to safety!. Your other two
friends were in the back!. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down!.
There isn't much more news at this time!. Nothing much out of the normal has
happened!.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
PS, I was going to send you some money but I already sealed the envelope!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds!. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said!. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat!."
"What fer!?" asked Bubba!. "Just let me do the talkin', okay!?" said Earl!.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads!. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,
"Have you boys been drinking!?" "No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds!. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said!. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat!."
"What fer!?" asked Bubba!. "Just let me do the talkin', okay!?" said Earl!.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads!. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,
"Have you boys been drinking!?" "No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Anything by Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy or Bill Engvall!. You can watch on youtube!. My personal favorite is Bill Engvall, here's your sign!.
The links are to all four of them!. Hope you find something good!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The links are to all four of them!. Hope you find something good!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
You know you're a redneck when you think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines!."
Not the best, but its the only one I remember at the top of my head :P
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Not the best, but its the only one I remember at the top of my head :P
Www@Enter-QA@Com
you know your a red neck when you let your 13 year old daughter smoke at the table, in front of her two kids !Www@Enter-QA@Com
psshhhh!.!.!.!.that's not nice!.!.!.what if somebody called you a red-neck or a 'u-know-what-bad-black-people-name-that-!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Thats mean!. I love people from Texas!. Accents are sooo funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
redneck technology = sledge hammerWww@Enter-QA@Com
in texas you don't need any jokes just walk out side it is enough of a laugh!. I HATE TEXAS!.Www@Enter-QA@Com