Anyone know any jokes?!
Question: Anyone know any jokes!?
Answers:
if u dont mind racist jokes read this:
A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here!."
The black man turned around and stood up!. He then said:
"Listen sir!.!.!.!.when I was born I was BLACK "
"When I grew up I was BLACK, "
"When I'm sick I'm BLACK, "
"When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, "
"When I'm cold I'm BLACK, "
"When I die I'll be BLACK!."
"But you sir!."
"When you are born you're PINK"!.
"When you grow up you're WHITE, "
"When you're sick, you're GREEN, "
"When you go in the sun you turn RED, "
"When you're cold you turn BLUE, "
"And when you die you turn PURPLE!.
"And you have the nerve to call me colored!?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away!.!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here!."
The black man turned around and stood up!. He then said:
"Listen sir!.!.!.!.when I was born I was BLACK "
"When I grew up I was BLACK, "
"When I'm sick I'm BLACK, "
"When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, "
"When I'm cold I'm BLACK, "
"When I die I'll be BLACK!."
"But you sir!."
"When you are born you're PINK"!.
"When you grow up you're WHITE, "
"When you're sick, you're GREEN, "
"When you go in the sun you turn RED, "
"When you're cold you turn BLUE, "
"And when you die you turn PURPLE!.
"And you have the nerve to call me colored!?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away!.!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A drunk orders himself a beer
A man walks into the front door of a bar!. He is obviously drunk!. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink!.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him!.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door!.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar!. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink!. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation!. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him!.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head!.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar!. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink!.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately!.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man walks into the front door of a bar!. He is obviously drunk!. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink!.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him!.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door!.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar!. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink!. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation!. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him!.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head!.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar!. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink!.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately!.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man wanted rid of his wife!. One night he’s out and confides to his mate who told him that he knew a pretty cheap hit-man and arranges a meeting!.
The day of the meeting arrives and the hit man introduces himself as Arty!.
“I do a civic service to the male population so my price is a very reasonable ￡1!.”
The man is impressed and tells him that on Thursdays his wife shops at Sainsburys (a famous grocery store) and usually wears her favourite red coat with matching skirt and shoes!.
Thursday comes and Arty’s waiting in one of the aisles!. He sees his victim!. He approaches her and throttles her!. She’s lying on the floor when another woman turns the corner!. She’s dressed almost identical, so thinking he’s made a mistake throttles her!.
A shop assistant heard the commotion and came round to see whet the matter was!. She sees the two women laid out and is about to scream when Arty jumps and throttles her!.
The police arrive and arrest him!.
The next day in the local paper the headline reads “Arty Chokes 3 for a pound at Sainsburys
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The day of the meeting arrives and the hit man introduces himself as Arty!.
“I do a civic service to the male population so my price is a very reasonable ￡1!.”
The man is impressed and tells him that on Thursdays his wife shops at Sainsburys (a famous grocery store) and usually wears her favourite red coat with matching skirt and shoes!.
Thursday comes and Arty’s waiting in one of the aisles!. He sees his victim!. He approaches her and throttles her!. She’s lying on the floor when another woman turns the corner!. She’s dressed almost identical, so thinking he’s made a mistake throttles her!.
A shop assistant heard the commotion and came round to see whet the matter was!. She sees the two women laid out and is about to scream when Arty jumps and throttles her!.
The police arrive and arrest him!.
The next day in the local paper the headline reads “Arty Chokes 3 for a pound at Sainsburys
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood!. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do!.
"Well, you can paint my porch!. How much will you charge!?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars!?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage!. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house!?"
The man replied, "She should!. She was standing on the porch!."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money!.
"You're finished already!?" he asked!. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats!. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50!. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man and his dog walk into a bar!. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk!."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure!.!.!.go ahead!."
Man: "What covers a house!?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel!?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time!?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up!. I told you he could talk!."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door!. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle!?"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure!.!.!.go ahead!."
Man: "What covers a house!?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel!?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time!?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up!. I told you he could talk!."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door!. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle!?"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A bus only carries ugly people, and than the bus ran into a truck, everyone on the bus died!. Before they enter paradise (heaven), god came in and said, "Everyone of you gets to have one wish!." The first guy says, "I want to be good looking!." And the wish was granted!. The second says the same thing, "I want to be good looking too!." And so the other 10 all says the same wish, and than when it's the last guy's turn, he laughed crazily and calmed down and said, "My wish is, I want them all to be ugly again!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
ok, this has to be said out loud in the right way - but when it is, it's SO FUNNY!. i saw it on the '08 comedy gala!. anywho:
a man and his wife are settling in to go to sleep!. the man decides he wants to play a trick on his wife and he flinches all of a sudden and says "what was that!?!" the wife goes "what!? what!?!" the man goes "i heard something downstairs!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. there it is again!" wife: "what!?!" "oh my god - can't you hear that!?!!" the wife is completely terrified by now and the man goes absolutely nuts and screams "there's-a-murderer-in-the-house-he's-go!.!.!. - ow!!" his wife smacks him in the head!. he then goes to the bathroom to cool off for a bit and he tells his wife "i'm going to the bathroom to cool off for a bit!." then he gets an idea!. when he gets back, he crawls in bed next to his wife and she says "well, i hope you've settled down now!." he says nothing!. "fred!? [let's say his name his fred] oi! answer me!" fred says nothing!. "fred!?" says nothing!. "fred!?!" nothing!. "FRED!?!" at this point fred whispers in the deepest, huskiest voice he can manage "your husband's still in the bathroom!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
a man and his wife are settling in to go to sleep!. the man decides he wants to play a trick on his wife and he flinches all of a sudden and says "what was that!?!" the wife goes "what!? what!?!" the man goes "i heard something downstairs!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. there it is again!" wife: "what!?!" "oh my god - can't you hear that!?!!" the wife is completely terrified by now and the man goes absolutely nuts and screams "there's-a-murderer-in-the-house-he's-go!.!.!. - ow!!" his wife smacks him in the head!. he then goes to the bathroom to cool off for a bit and he tells his wife "i'm going to the bathroom to cool off for a bit!." then he gets an idea!. when he gets back, he crawls in bed next to his wife and she says "well, i hope you've settled down now!." he says nothing!. "fred!? [let's say his name his fred] oi! answer me!" fred says nothing!. "fred!?" says nothing!. "fred!?!" nothing!. "FRED!?!" at this point fred whispers in the deepest, huskiest voice he can manage "your husband's still in the bathroom!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
tons of them but i wont tell you all of them as it will take loads of time!.!.
a man goes to the doctors because he cant get an hardon!. the doc tell him to go to a hypnotist!. he goes to a hypnotist and he does something to him!. he tells the bloke that he has to say 123 for him to get a hardon and his wife hase to say 1234 to make the hardon go away!.
so he goes home and takes his wife to bed and says 123!. his wife said what did you say 123 for!. lol
this bloke wants his wife dead so he hires a hitman!. the speak and he says to the hitman i want my wife dead ok or hurt!.
the hitman says ok!. and goes and shoots her!.
he goes to the bloke i shot her in the left knee!.
the bloke said " I WANTED HER DEAD NOT SHOT IN THE TIT !."
am man who was 20 decided that he wanted to have sex so he goes to hid dad and says " dad i wnt to have sex, do you know any good positions!."
the dad said "you dont want to have sex mate the women have teeth down below!."
the man waited until he was 30 and decided that he realy wanted sex so he goes to this girl and says " will you have sex"
the women says yes!.
they go to a hotel and the man said i will take my time and i know you have teeth!.
she said " i havent look" she sat on the edge of the bed and open her legs wide and said look NO TEETH"
the man said " NO WONDER WHY LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM GUMS" lol
well mate i hope they are good enough for you but i hope there funny tah tah!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
a man goes to the doctors because he cant get an hardon!. the doc tell him to go to a hypnotist!. he goes to a hypnotist and he does something to him!. he tells the bloke that he has to say 123 for him to get a hardon and his wife hase to say 1234 to make the hardon go away!.
so he goes home and takes his wife to bed and says 123!. his wife said what did you say 123 for!. lol
this bloke wants his wife dead so he hires a hitman!. the speak and he says to the hitman i want my wife dead ok or hurt!.
the hitman says ok!. and goes and shoots her!.
he goes to the bloke i shot her in the left knee!.
the bloke said " I WANTED HER DEAD NOT SHOT IN THE TIT !."
am man who was 20 decided that he wanted to have sex so he goes to hid dad and says " dad i wnt to have sex, do you know any good positions!."
the dad said "you dont want to have sex mate the women have teeth down below!."
the man waited until he was 30 and decided that he realy wanted sex so he goes to this girl and says " will you have sex"
the women says yes!.
they go to a hotel and the man said i will take my time and i know you have teeth!.
she said " i havent look" she sat on the edge of the bed and open her legs wide and said look NO TEETH"
the man said " NO WONDER WHY LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM GUMS" lol
well mate i hope they are good enough for you but i hope there funny tah tah!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
yes there are numerous people throughout the world that infact tell jokes for a living these people are known as comedians and they make people laugh for a living!. well they try to!.!.!.
i have one joke that a friend told me and yes i know its not nice!.!.!.
whats better than winning a paraolymic gold medal!?
being able to walk
i know its mean, but its a jokeWww@Enter-QA@Com
i have one joke that a friend told me and yes i know its not nice!.!.!.
whats better than winning a paraolymic gold medal!?
being able to walk
i know its mean, but its a jokeWww@Enter-QA@Com
Here R Some:
*:)I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me!. U cry, I cry!. U laugh!.!. I laugh!. U jump out of d window!.!. I look down n then!.!. I laugh again!.!. hahaha
*:)Someday u may lose ur hair!.****u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind!.****But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks!.****coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
*:)What is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes****that the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey****plz contact zoo for detail
*:)The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting!. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come!.!. But The meeting hasn't started!. Guess why !? Because the Donkey is busy reading this JOKE!
*:)Dark were those days, without your sight!. When I was in darkness, you gave me light!. You gave me strength 2 make life bright!. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !
*:)Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well!.!.!. Enough about ME! How about you!?
*:)If I ever go for a brain transplant I’d like 2 use ur brain!. It's not because u r a genius!. I would only like a brain that has never been used!.
*:)If ever un ur life u feel sad and lonely and feel that u have lost everything,Ill come hold ur hand take u for a walk on a bridge and show u where to jump from!.!.
(sorry!.!.!.i dONT wANT TO BE rUDE !.!.!. tHIS r oNLY sOME jOKES)
hOPE u lIKE IT!!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.hAVE A wONDEROUS dAY!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
*:)I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me!. U cry, I cry!. U laugh!.!. I laugh!. U jump out of d window!.!. I look down n then!.!. I laugh again!.!. hahaha
*:)Someday u may lose ur hair!.****u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind!.****But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks!.****coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
*:)What is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes****that the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey****plz contact zoo for detail
*:)The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting!. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come!.!. But The meeting hasn't started!. Guess why !? Because the Donkey is busy reading this JOKE!
*:)Dark were those days, without your sight!. When I was in darkness, you gave me light!. You gave me strength 2 make life bright!. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !
*:)Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well!.!.!. Enough about ME! How about you!?
*:)If I ever go for a brain transplant I’d like 2 use ur brain!. It's not because u r a genius!. I would only like a brain that has never been used!.
*:)If ever un ur life u feel sad and lonely and feel that u have lost everything,Ill come hold ur hand take u for a walk on a bridge and show u where to jump from!.!.
(sorry!.!.!.i dONT wANT TO BE rUDE !.!.!. tHIS r oNLY sOME jOKES)
hOPE u lIKE IT!!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.hAVE A wONDEROUS dAY!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Visit below website there you will find many different categories of jokes!.!.!.have fun!.!.lol
http://www!.ahajokes!.com/joke_of_the_day!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.ahajokes!.com/joke_of_the_day!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
you: knock knock
other person: Who's there!?
You: Kanga
other person: kanga who!?
You: Don't you mean "Kangaroo"!
What dog can jump higher then a building!?
Any dog! buildings can't jump!Www@Enter-QA@Com
other person: Who's there!?
You: Kanga
other person: kanga who!?
You: Don't you mean "Kangaroo"!
What dog can jump higher then a building!?
Any dog! buildings can't jump!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Micky says to Miney "Miney I want to divorce you" Miney says "What!?!?!? Are you ******* crazy!?!?!?" and Mickey replies "No!!! I'm ******* Daizy!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
hear bout the short circumsizer!.!.!.
he got the sack
baby seal walks into a club!.!.!.!.!.
dyslexic man walks into a braWww@Enter-QA@Com
he got the sack
baby seal walks into a club!.!.!.!.!.
dyslexic man walks into a braWww@Enter-QA@Com
One old man go 2 a barber shop that he thought that its a hotel!?
oldman: wats hav!?
barber: cutting and shaving
then oldman: take both of them 1 pate each
heheWww@Enter-QA@Com
oldman: wats hav!?
barber: cutting and shaving
then oldman: take both of them 1 pate each
heheWww@Enter-QA@Com
Have u ever tried the rodeo position!? While ur doing it with ur gf, tell her how much she feels like ur ex and then see how long can u hold on!.!.!.!.
Got it from comedy central lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
Got it from comedy central lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
knock knock
who's there!?
cows say
cows say who!?
no, cows say moo!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
who's there!?
cows say
cows say who!?
no, cows say moo!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
There once was a farmer who was outstanding in his own field!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Q!. What's purple & doesn't fit!?
A!. A dead epilepticWww@Enter-QA@Com
A!. A dead epilepticWww@Enter-QA@Com
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus!?
You poke him on!.
Say it out loud!. AHAH I love this one!. It's so lame!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
You poke him on!.
Say it out loud!. AHAH I love this one!. It's so lame!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Tons
but most of them are cheesey or dont make sense
lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
but most of them are cheesey or dont make sense
lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
one chicken ask another one what this egg hangued in your neck, she answered its my photo when i was young!.
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So I walked into a bar!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Thats it get itWww@Enter-QA@Com
Thats it get itWww@Enter-QA@Com
Yes!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
yep :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
noWww@Enter-QA@Com