Got any jokes people?!


Question: Got any jokes people!?
Answers:
I agree with the person above me, although I am Canadian!.


But here is one anyway!.

A Texan meets a lady and they go out for some time!. The Texan asks the lady to marry him but she replies: "Oh I require my man to have 5 million dollars"

"No problem, little lady" responds the Texan "Why that's just pocket money to me!."

"Well I also require my man to have at least 1,000 acres of land" the young lady reply's

"Oh heck my sweet little one I have much more than that" reply's the Texan!.

"Well also, I will need my man to have 12 inches" replied the lady!.

"Well now, that IS a problem, I will have to get back to you on that one" replied the Texan!.

A few days later the Texan calls his beloved and asks to see her!.

When they meet, he gently takes her hand and softly tells her "Honey child, my doctor said he can cut it down to any size you wish!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

Not super appropriate butt!.!.!.


There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas!. When he sat down on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas!."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar!. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands!.


He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied,


"Everything is big in Texas!."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located!.


The bartender replied,
"Second door to the right!."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door!. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident!.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,


"Don't flush, don't flush!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous!. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it!. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved!.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys!. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually!. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon!. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son!?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open!. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer!. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,


"Where is God!?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him!. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened!?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!.


guess what!.!.!.!.


GOD is missing, and they think we did it!Www@Enter-QA@Com

Newlyweds

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies!.

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back!.'

'Where are you going, Coochy Coo!?' asked the wife!.

'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered!. 'I'm going to have a beer!.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love!?'

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc!.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop!.!.!. But at the bar!.!.!. You know!.!.!. they have frozen glasses!.!.!. '

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face!?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it!.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious!.!.!. I won't be long!. I'll be right back!. I promise!. OK!?'

'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh!?'

She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches!.

'But my sweet honey!.!.!. At the bar!.!.!. You know there's swearing, dirty words and all that!.!.!. '

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie!? LISTEN UP, CHICKEN ****! SIT YOUR *** DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED AND YOUR *** ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT **** IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS!?'
Www@Enter-QA@Com

What about that goof they pass off as an Alaskan governor!?

She's a joke!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

why did th coach go to the bank answer- to get his quaterbackWww@Enter-QA@Com

Sarah PalinWww@Enter-QA@Com

how bout our president!?Www@Enter-QA@Com



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