What is the best lawyer joke you heard?!


Question: What is the best lawyer joke you heard!?
Answers:
Alright, this one's pretty short, but it also burns the IRS!

You see a lawyer and an IRS agent drowning, and you can only save one!.!.!.so do you eat lunch or read the paper!?Www@Enter-QA@Com

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door,




Ripping it off completely!. When the police arrived at the scene,





The lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW!.




"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined!.




"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer,




"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"




"Oh my gooood!.!.!.!.", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!?!?!?!!!!!" Www@Enter-QA@Com

There was once a truck driver who really hated lawyers!. Every time that he's on the road and sees a lawyer, he swerves to hit him!. He sees one talking to his client, and BAM! The lawyer is dead!. He sees another one going to his car, and BAM! That lawyer is dead!. So one day he come by a priest that is hitch hiking for a ride!. The driver stops to let him in!. So they are on the road and the driver sees a lawyer and he goes for it!. But he suddenly remembers that the priest is with him, so he swerves to miss him!. But he heard a BAM! "I'm sorry Father!. I didn't want to kill that lawyer!." said the truck driver to the priest!. "It's okay son" the priest said, "I got him with my door!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

A mechanical engineer died and went to the Pearly Gates where he met St!. Peter!.!.!.St!. Peter looked at his book and said "Nope, your in the wrong place," So he sends the engineer down to hell!. In hell, the engineer meets Satan!. Satan's all with the fire and brimstone and "You will suffer agonizing pain for eternity!" All that morbid kind of stuff!. Well, the engineer, thinking on his feet says "Wait Satan, how about this!? You don't whip me and do all your torture stuff and I'll help you out around here!. I build you wall to wall Air Conditioning, refrigeration, hook you up with HDTV and satellite, so you can catch up on some New Jersey Devil Hockey and whatever else you like!." The Devil thinks it over and says, "Aight, you do this and I won't torture you!." So, the engineer gets to work and does all he says!. About a week later, God goes to check in with St!. Peter and notices he's made a mistake, the mechanical engineer was somehow transferred to the wrong area!. He knew it was a mistake because engineers have to go through hell in college!. Anyway, God goes to speak with Satan to get the mess sorted out!. He says to Satan "Okay, I need the engineer back, there was a mistake in the system!." The Devils like "No way man, that dude built me a lazy boy, he's not going anywhere!." So God, goes!.!.!."Yeah, well I guess I'll just have to take this to court!." The Devil goes "Where are you going to get the lawyers!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day!. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work!." The next morning the barber found a dozen Bibles at the door to his shop!.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public!." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop!.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system!." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut!.

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A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast!. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner!?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely!."

"Then you owe me $8!.50!. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today!."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8!.50!. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves!.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation!.
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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road!?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

a man walks into a bar and says All Lawyers are as=holes!. A guy at the end says "I resent that"!. The man asks "why!? are you a lawyer"!. The guy goes "no!. I'm an as=hole!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

The Plumber gives the houseowner the bill,
The houseowner says "wow $300 an hour , I didn't make that much when I was a Lawyer!"
The plumber says "yeah neither did I"
Www@Enter-QA@Com



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