Does anyone know some jokes?!
Question: Does anyone know some jokes!?
I want something that is not nasty, dirty, has swears in it, and please dont put any linksWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons!.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion!.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle!.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip!. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway!.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider!.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety!.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup!. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again!.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off!.
P!.S!.No offence towards blondes!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion!.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle!.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip!. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway!.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider!.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety!.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup!. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again!.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off!.
P!.S!.No offence towards blondes!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
jeez, so many blonde jokes and I'M even a blondette!
okay!.!.!.
there was a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, they were walking around one night and were being loud,
a guy shouted out his window "shut up or i'll call the police!" they didn't listen and kept being loud,
when they heard sirens coming towards them they went to go take cover in a dark alley,
the redhead hid behind a box that said "kittens" on the side, the brunette hid behind a box marked "puppies", and the blonde hid behind a sack that said "potatoes"
when the policeman arrived he walked into the alley, he came up to the first box, the redhead said "meow! meow!", then the policeman walked near the second box and the brunette said "woof!woof!", and he walked towards the sack and the blonde said "potatoes!potatoes!"
anyways, that's the best i got that is i suppose "church appropriate" which is pretty much what it sounds like your looking for!.
lol, i just thought of this!.!.!.
the way you worded this question makes you sound like Angela from The Office!!! it's asked to be so percise! but then again i don't think Angela would ask a question about jokes!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
okay!.!.!.
there was a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, they were walking around one night and were being loud,
a guy shouted out his window "shut up or i'll call the police!" they didn't listen and kept being loud,
when they heard sirens coming towards them they went to go take cover in a dark alley,
the redhead hid behind a box that said "kittens" on the side, the brunette hid behind a box marked "puppies", and the blonde hid behind a sack that said "potatoes"
when the policeman arrived he walked into the alley, he came up to the first box, the redhead said "meow! meow!", then the policeman walked near the second box and the brunette said "woof!woof!", and he walked towards the sack and the blonde said "potatoes!potatoes!"
anyways, that's the best i got that is i suppose "church appropriate" which is pretty much what it sounds like your looking for!.
lol, i just thought of this!.!.!.
the way you worded this question makes you sound like Angela from The Office!!! it's asked to be so percise! but then again i don't think Angela would ask a question about jokes!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
i kno!
Masked man: Heres a thousand dollars
Poor man: Whats this for!?
Masked man: I steal from the rich and give to the poor!.
Poor man: Wow! I'm rich!
Masked man: All right! Stick 'em up!
What is a little dogs favorite soda!?
Pupsi-Cola!
Son: Mother, may i leave the table!?
Mother: Well you certainly can't take it with you!
What is a vampires favorite beer!?
Bloodweiser!
What do you call six stones with electric guitars!?
A rock group!
What kind of music do you here at the playground!?
Swing!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Masked man: Heres a thousand dollars
Poor man: Whats this for!?
Masked man: I steal from the rich and give to the poor!.
Poor man: Wow! I'm rich!
Masked man: All right! Stick 'em up!
What is a little dogs favorite soda!?
Pupsi-Cola!
Son: Mother, may i leave the table!?
Mother: Well you certainly can't take it with you!
What is a vampires favorite beer!?
Bloodweiser!
What do you call six stones with electric guitars!?
A rock group!
What kind of music do you here at the playground!?
Swing!Www@Enter-QA@Com
In the year 2007 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me!. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans!." He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights!." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard- but no Ark!. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark !?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed!. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system!. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure!. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision!. Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea!. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it!. Getting the wood was another problem!. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl!. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me!. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will!. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space!. Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood!. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team!. The trades unions say I can't use my sons!. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience!.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species!. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark!. "
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky!.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world!?"
"No," said the Lord!. "The British government beat me to it!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident!.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt!.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting!. I'm a woman!. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt!. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days!."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle!. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break!. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune!."
Then she hands the bottle to the man!. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman!. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man!.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any!?"
The woman replies, "No!. I think I'll just wait for the police!.!.!."
here's another
A busload of politicians was driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn!.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate!. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians!.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone!.
The old farmer told him he had buried them!.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, they were ALL dead!?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt!.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting!. I'm a woman!. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt!. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days!."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle!. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break!. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune!."
Then she hands the bottle to the man!. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman!. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man!.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any!?"
The woman replies, "No!. I think I'll just wait for the police!.!.!."
here's another
A busload of politicians was driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn!.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate!. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians!.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone!.
The old farmer told him he had buried them!.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, they were ALL dead!?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
ok i no 2 jokes
1!.how do you make a blonde drown!?
answer: glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool!.
2!.what do you cal a blonde with a brain!?
anwser: a golden retrieverWww@Enter-QA@Com
1!.how do you make a blonde drown!?
answer: glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool!.
2!.what do you cal a blonde with a brain!?
anwser: a golden retrieverWww@Enter-QA@Com
Why did the mushroom go to the party!?
Because he was a fungi!! (fun-guy)
haha!.!.the first person that answered this question is a twilight fan!.!.!.thumbs up!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Because he was a fungi!! (fun-guy)
haha!.!.the first person that answered this question is a twilight fan!.!.!.thumbs up!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Hey! wat with all the blonde jokes!? Brunettes are just as dumb!!! ):Www@Enter-QA@Com
what do you do when a blonde throws you a grenade!?!?!?
------ Pull out the pin and throw it back!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
------ Pull out the pin and throw it back!.Www@Enter-QA@Com