Somthing funny please?!
Question: Somthing funny please!?
Answers:
Outrageous lying
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license!?
Driver: I don't have one!. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI!.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle!?
Driver: It's not my car!. I stole it!.
Officer: The car is stolen!?
Driver: That's right!. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there!.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box!?
Driver: Yes sir!. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk!.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK!?!!?!!?
Driver: Yes, sir!.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain!.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license!?
Driver: Sure!. Here it is!.
It was valid!.
Captain: Who's car is this!?
Driver: It's mine, officer!. Here's the owner' card!.
The driver owned the car!.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it!?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it!.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box!.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk!? I was told you said there's a body in it!.
Driver: No problem!.
Trunk is opened; no body!.
Captain: I don't understand it!. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk!.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A circus plane crashes on a tropical island!. Only one survivor staggered out of the wreckage, the head clown!. Later he comes across a village of natives, but unfortunately for him they're cannibals!. That night at dinner, one native turns to another and asks, "Does this taste funny to you!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day!.
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”
Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then!.”
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off!. He falls flat on his face!.
“Dammit” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off!.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face!.
“Oh God, this is gettin' worse,” he slurs!.
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine!.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame!.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk!.
He falls flat on his face!.
“I’ll never make it home,” he mumbles amid more curses!.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside!.
He takes a look up the stairs and grunts “No way”!. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “Maybe I can just can make it to the bed!.”
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face!.
He says “To hell with it” and falls into bed!.
The next morning, his wife, Bridie, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy!. Did you have a bit to drink last night!?”!.
Paddy says, “I did Bridie!. I was totally scuttered pissed!. Me head’s throbbin’!. But how’d ye know!?”
“Mick phoned !.!.!. You left your wheelchair at the pub!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”
Paddy replies “OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then!.”
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off!. He falls flat on his face!.
“Dammit” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off!.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face!.
“Oh God, this is gettin' worse,” he slurs!.
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine!.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame!.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk!.
He falls flat on his face!.
“I’ll never make it home,” he mumbles amid more curses!.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside!.
He takes a look up the stairs and grunts “No way”!. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says “Maybe I can just can make it to the bed!.”
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face!.
He says “To hell with it” and falls into bed!.
The next morning, his wife, Bridie, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Get up Paddy!. Did you have a bit to drink last night!?”!.
Paddy says, “I did Bridie!. I was totally scuttered pissed!. Me head’s throbbin’!. But how’d ye know!?”
“Mick phoned !.!.!. You left your wheelchair at the pub!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
One dayAmitabh Bachan brought a new car!.he decided he will ride it!.he thought that why should my driver drive it,i will drive and show SRK ,he will be jealous!.but a traffic policeman caught him ,and saw Amitabh Bacchan and thought Amitabh is driver!.he called his senior policeman and sail a man has broken traffic rules !but i can't arrest him because he is a very big man!. the senior policeman asked who was he!?he said'i dont know but he has kept Amitabh Bachhan his driver!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present!. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage!. He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right!? The owner said it was $300!. "$300!.", the man said!. "Well what does he do!? "He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk!. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters!." The man then asked what the second parrot cost!. The clerk replied, $600, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer!.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot!. The clerk replied, "$1200!." Curious as to how a bird can cost $1200, the man asked what this bird's specialty was!. The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything!. But the other two call him "BOSS"!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot!. The clerk replied, "$1200!." Curious as to how a bird can cost $1200, the man asked what this bird's specialty was!. The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything!. But the other two call him "BOSS"!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two Jamaicans are in a bus talking!. "Emma com first, den I come!. Den des two assess come togeda!. I come again!. Des two assess come togeda again, I come again and pee twice!. Den I come again one last time!." There was an old lady beside them and she said "You fowled mouth sex-obsessed man!. Sir in this country, we do not talk about our sex lives in public!." The man says "What!? Who token about sex!? I was jes teachin my fren how to spella mississippi!."Www@Enter-QA@Com