What are the funniest jokes you know?!
Question: What are the funniest jokes you know!?
Answers:
i no it is long but they r sooo worth reading
1
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences!.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida!. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day!. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email!.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before!. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint!.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in!. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow!. P!.S!. Sure is hot down here!."
2
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department!. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause!."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you!?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect!."
"What sort of trouble!?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away!."
"Went away!?"
"They disappeared!."
"Hmm!. So what does your screen look like now!?"
"Nothing!."
"Nothing!?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out!?"
"How do I tell!?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen!?"
"What's a sea-prompt!?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen!?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator!?"
"What's a monitor!?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV!. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on!?"
"I don't know!."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it!. Can you see that!?"
"Yes, I think so!."
"Great!. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall!."
"Yes, it is!."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one!?"
"No!."
"Well, there are!. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable!."
"Okay, here it is!."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer!."
"I can't reach!."
"Uh huh!. Well, can you see if it is!?"
"No!."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over!?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark!."
"Dark!?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window!."
"Well, turn on the office light then!."
"I can't!."
"No!? Why not!?"
"Because there's a power failure!."
"A power!.!.!. A power failure!? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now!. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in!?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet!."
"Good!. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it!. Then take it back to the store you bought it from!."
"Really!? Is it that bad!?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!."
"Well, all right then, I suppose!. What do I tell them!?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
1
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences!.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida!. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day!. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email!.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before!. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint!.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in!. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow!. P!.S!. Sure is hot down here!."
2
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department!. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause!."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you!?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect!."
"What sort of trouble!?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away!."
"Went away!?"
"They disappeared!."
"Hmm!. So what does your screen look like now!?"
"Nothing!."
"Nothing!?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out!?"
"How do I tell!?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen!?"
"What's a sea-prompt!?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen!?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator!?"
"What's a monitor!?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV!. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on!?"
"I don't know!."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it!. Can you see that!?"
"Yes, I think so!."
"Great!. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall!."
"Yes, it is!."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one!?"
"No!."
"Well, there are!. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable!."
"Okay, here it is!."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer!."
"I can't reach!."
"Uh huh!. Well, can you see if it is!?"
"No!."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over!?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark!."
"Dark!?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window!."
"Well, turn on the office light then!."
"I can't!."
"No!? Why not!?"
"Because there's a power failure!."
"A power!.!.!. A power failure!? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now!. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in!?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet!."
"Good!. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it!. Then take it back to the store you bought it from!."
"Really!? Is it that bad!?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!."
"Well, all right then, I suppose!. What do I tell them!?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
The UN surveyed the rest of the world
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world!?"
The survey was a huge failure!.!.!.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant!.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant!.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant!.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant!.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant!.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant!.
And in the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant!.
There was once a boy called Mark!. He had to learn 5 spelling words for his english teacher!. He went home and asked his mother for advice!. However, she was busy cooking so she told him to '' Shut up ''
Mark wrote it down for his spelling word!. He then went to his dad!. He was watching a football game and his team was winning!. In his high spirits, he cheers '' YAY~~~~'' So Mark also wrote that for his spelling word!. He then went to his sister, she was listening to music which went '' Lollipop, Lollipop~'' So Mark put that down as well!. Next, he went to his brother!. He was acting as batman saying '' Batman! nanananana Batman!!~~'' So he learnt that!. Lastly, he went to his baby cousin, he was playing on his toy car saying '' With my little broom broom car!. With my little broom broom car!.
So the next day in class, the teacher asked Mark!.
'' What are your 5 spelling words Mark!?!?''
'' Shut up!''
Shocked, the teacher sent him down to the principals office!.
'' YAY~~~~~~~~~~~''
The principal sees him and says!. '' What do you want !?''
'' A lollipop, a Lollipop''
'' What!?!?!? Who do you think you are young man !?''
'' Batman!!! nanananananana Batman!!!''
Driven back,, the principal could only say
'' How are you going to get away with this!?!?''
''With my little broom broom car, WIth my little broom broom car!.''
there was this guy and he walked into a bar and said ouchWww@Enter-QA@Com
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world!?"
The survey was a huge failure!.!.!.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant!.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant!.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant!.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant!.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant!.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant!.
And in the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant!.
There was once a boy called Mark!. He had to learn 5 spelling words for his english teacher!. He went home and asked his mother for advice!. However, she was busy cooking so she told him to '' Shut up ''
Mark wrote it down for his spelling word!. He then went to his dad!. He was watching a football game and his team was winning!. In his high spirits, he cheers '' YAY~~~~'' So Mark also wrote that for his spelling word!. He then went to his sister, she was listening to music which went '' Lollipop, Lollipop~'' So Mark put that down as well!. Next, he went to his brother!. He was acting as batman saying '' Batman! nanananana Batman!!~~'' So he learnt that!. Lastly, he went to his baby cousin, he was playing on his toy car saying '' With my little broom broom car!. With my little broom broom car!.
So the next day in class, the teacher asked Mark!.
'' What are your 5 spelling words Mark!?!?''
'' Shut up!''
Shocked, the teacher sent him down to the principals office!.
'' YAY~~~~~~~~~~~''
The principal sees him and says!. '' What do you want !?''
'' A lollipop, a Lollipop''
'' What!?!?!? Who do you think you are young man !?''
'' Batman!!! nanananananana Batman!!!''
Driven back,, the principal could only say
'' How are you going to get away with this!?!?''
''With my little broom broom car, WIth my little broom broom car!.''
there was this guy and he walked into a bar and said ouchWww@Enter-QA@Com
A very short joke
Funny Father's Day Joke:
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping!.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter!. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable!. Love, Dad!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blind man walks into a store with his eye dog!. All of a sudden,out of now where, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head and around the store!. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing!?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
you mamma so dumb when i told her i got a new grill she pulled out steak lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
sorry i dont no any !.!.!.but thanks for the pointsWww@Enter-QA@Com